Declaring War on Bullies

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Zorin sez : "Give me some spare clips"

You have two options. One is homeschooling, which you cannot do. The only other option you have is calling the school and making them enforce the zero tolerance bullying policy. If they don't have one, make them get one. If they have one, make them enforce it. Keep on them until they do, even if it means bypassing the Principal and talking to those in the administration building. In school, you can take control of the situation. There are policies in place that allow you, as a parent to do this. You have to be persistent and kind of like a pit bull about it. Keep on them until they stop the bullying. Don't rely on your kid to stop it, it's obvious he can't do it alone.

You're right, I can't expect him to handle it alone. He had some kid call him names today because he got the last of something in the cafeteria but other than that he said nothing happened today. This is after him coming home in a frustrated rage every day. I mentioned earlier that I had emailed the gym teacher and told her he was being targeted specifically in her class ( I think it's because it's less structured) and she didn't write me back today but there were no incidents in gym class today. I think I've emailed the school and spoken to the counselor and principal enough that they are very aware of me. I haven't made any threats but I think they are paying attention. BTW he had his first OT session today so I picked him up from school. I was watching the kids get on the bus and I was struck with the confidence with which they moved. They strut like bantam roosters. I spoke with the OT therapist about teaching him to move more confidently. I watched the session and it was very interesting. I think it will benefit him in much the same way a martial arts course would.

Moving confidently can help. The most important thing is to call after school if there's an incident, as soon as it happens, and report it. If there is any way you can call, you can get immediate results. Emails are good too, but if there is anyway you can call and keep in touch with the teachers this way it might help. You can work out a plan with them that will allow you to talk about problems right after they happen. You will feel like you have a closer relationship with them and they you which will also help. Try to make it as personal as you can and get emotionally involved. If there is a PTA meeting, you might be able to bring it up there. If this is jr high, see if there's any parent associations. Maybe others are having similar problems.

There are 4 other kids with Asperger's there. I would be interested to know how they are managing. There have been no incidents of physical damage so far. I despair of the schools ever being able to teach kids that it's wrong to bully, but at least they can tell them the behavior is forbidden and will not be tolerated ( and follow through). It breaks my heart to think a child would be driven to despair enough that they would end their life because of being bullied, but it happens.

Maybe your son can get together with them so they can all pair up and nail those bullies. Are they the same age as him?

I have always thought about what if all aspies formed a mob and went after the bullies. "When aspies attack" I call it.
Before, I used to think what if we all went after the bad NTs. But now I don't think that way anymore.

You say you have the understanding of a few of the teachers, so one thing I might suggest is asking them to pick a few of the most mature and trustworthy kids in the class your son has with them, and pulling them aside one day to have a talk about how the teacher would like them to help her make sure no bullying is taking place in the class. I am not talking about having the teacher ask them to tattle, as I don't think that would work very well for this age group. Just remind them that the right thing to do is to speak up when you see someone being hurt who may not be able to protect themselves, and that bullies are fundamentally weak people who tend to back off when actually confronted about their behavior. Most kids that age are aware of that, but it's so difficult for them to go against the pack. A little reminder that they are good people and can make a positive impact in someone else's life can help, I think.

Heck, it might be good for the teachers to just go over that with the whole class, but I think it's more effective when done in a context that makes those students being asked to step up feel special and entrusted with an important task. A single kid who is outside of the situation verbally confronting the bullying behavior can have a huge impact, especially at those times when no adult is present. The bully doesn't really care what an adult says, but one of his peers can easily turn the tide of kid "public opinion" against him (especially since most kids secretly dislike the bullies, they're just too afraid of becoming the next target to say it).

As others have said, the next best idea is to do what you can outside of school to boost his confidence (martial arts, clubs, other sports he may have an interest in) and keep him mentally centered in order to best weather the storm. Maybe also see if you can find other adults (coaches, family members, etc) to assist you in reminding him that he does not deserve to be treated that way and that he is a valuable person, as at that age it's a little bit hard to believe that when you only hear it from your parents (the age old - you have to say that! you're my MOM!). Also, keep an eye on who he's friends with, as the kind of friend who won't stick with your son when he's being bullied may end up seriously hurting and betraying him in the future. A knife in the back hurts a lot more than a punch in the face (and I speak from experience...).

go_around wrote:

A Fun way dealing with bullies

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRLm_IVDSvo[/youtube]

That's funny-I've never seen that movie.

It's called A League of Their Own
I didn't find the scene to be funny though. Maybe it was because I could relate to it. Someone says something mean to you, you fight back and you are treated like the bad guy. The bully plays the victim.

But when someone wrote a parody on the movie, the scene was funny. I still have the story. But then she got tired of writing them so she quit. Then we lost contact.