grad_girl wrote:
Yeah, I can definitely relate... I don't have a diagnosis, actually, but from descriptions and memory, I definitely presented as at least slightly AS in childhood (i.e. I didn't have friends, I was bad with changes, etc.) and I've had others comment on similar things.
On the other hand, I have an entirely intuitive underestanding of emotions and people's motivations, and for example, am good at things like noticing people's moods, or noticing that two people are miscommunicating. And while I have the feeling this ability came later for me than it did for most people, I am very lucky in that I didn't have to work for it; I just had to decide to stop isolating myself, and I realized it came naturally.
Also, I no longer present as strange (I've asked some highly NT people about this, so I'm not just guessing.) Being sociable and friendly does occasionally take a bit of work, but I think at most I come off as a bit shy.
The way I wind up thinking about it for myself, is that there's some substantial piece of me that doesn't have AS; hence, I am capable of reading people and socializing naturally with people I'm close to and all that... And that as I grew up, even when I'm in a more solitary mode, I'm so familiar what it feels like to feel sociable that I can emulate my non-AS part.
Don't know if that makes sense to people, though... Thoughts?
Makes sense to me. I also feel that I'm good at noticing moods and deciphering people's motives intuitively, though it's hard to evaluate myself in any objective way. It's just not glaringly obvious to me or anyone else that I have deficits in those areas. I mean, I didn't even realize that not being able to read body language was a major symptom of autistic spectrum disorders until recently.
My symptoms manifest mainly as having a sort-of schizoid personality along with the classic traits of being rigid / obsessive, finding change stressful, plus severe childhood sensory issues. My parents described me as an extremely high-strung and sensitive child. Apparently I spent most of the first two years of my life screaming and crying. They couldn't even take me to restaurants without me crying due to the noise level and sensory issues.
I don't know if I have a part of me that's capable of being social in the normal sense of the word. I'd describe myself as being verbally constipated. I just lack that verbal spontaneity and quickness that most people, even some aspies, seem to have. I'll often have something in my head that I'd like to say but can't figure out exactly how to put it into words or I'll forget a word that I'd like to use. Also, if I try to tell a story in a social setting I'll forget specific details, say things out of order, and not be able to tell it in a way that has a "punch". It's not simple shyness or social phobia though as I don't necessarily fear social interaction, my mind just binds up whenever I'm put on the spot. I don't see how there's any way I can overcome this type of social deficit as it's not anything as simple or distinct as not understanding social conventions / non-verbal cues.
Anyways, I'm rambling on about myself now.
02 Dec 2009, 2:37 pm
