Which one is the Aspie in this video?

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The things that were off about the woman's behaviour can all be put down to bad acting, I think. The exaggerated acting in the videos in general makes it difficult for me to take them very seriously. While I could relate to some of the surface things in the autistic man's behaviour, such as body language, mostly I just found it very uncomfortable to watch.

I think the vids could've been much more effective if they'd focused more on the subtleties of how awkward social interactions interfere with daily life, how some people can take advantage of them, how it can hinder a career, etc, instead of these heavy-handed depictions of the extremes, like running from the crash.

The woman actually had good acting, it's just that you have to know why she's doing the things she is, and that's a direct response to her frustration from the beginning (it's not her job to direct people), and also to the atypical social interaction from the man.

To add, the man is in no way overtly autistic, I mean, he's probably as high functioning as you can get with the context taken into account (a diagnosed disorder being what he has): he goes into a busy building by himself, he interacts with the lady at the desk, and he even tries to be social with giving his name to her and trying to find hers.

ruveyn's answer is the most deeply insightful. He really looked deep into the subject matter and didn't just shallowly stop at the nametag.

I'm pretty sure it's the blurry guy in the yellow at 40 seconds. Not totally sure, though. Is this some sort of trick question?

absolutely. ruveyn's breakdown of the situation reveals consummate insight and a beautiful reading of the interaction.

RainSong, I think you're spot on with your explanation. I think I'll also try to explain.

The girl doesn't look friendly, you're right; she looks like an NT having a bad day. The guy comes up to her desk, asking to be shown around. She looks peeved, and starts flipping through something, attempting to look it up. If the guy was an NT, he'd notice she was looking annoyed, perhaps conjecture that she doesn't like answering these queries and possibly would have tried to smooth it over. (For example, saying "Thank you very much - I've never been here before, and I'm a little lost.)

Instead, he doesn't notice her annoyance, or the fact that she's doing something to comply with his request (looking through something) and repeats the question. This means he didn't read her body language. This comes off as insisting to the woman, so she gets up and starts to show him where to go.

The girl didn't answer when he asked for her name because she was far away, was busy blathering on about her annoyance at having to show people around, and had her back towards him, so she probably didn't hear him. On the other hand, he was acting really strange; given that she was obviously upset that she has to show people around all the time, now was definitely the time for him to be apologetic about taking up her time. Instead, he randomly asks for her name.

And of course, ignoring what she says and staring at her name tag is really inappropriate, especially leaning in like that.

As a last note: this video is part of a campaign, as far as I can tell, to illustrate the world from the autistic point of view, and to display the difficulties people with autism have. From this point of view, it should be clear that the guy should be the autistic one, since they occasionally switch to his POV and show how he views the world.

Also, you'd expect that to get the maximum point across, everyone around the autistic guy would be normal, to illustrate atypical difficulties in normal situations. Correspondingly, you'd expect everyone around him to be quite NT, and they are.

P.S. I actually have absolutely no difficulties reading people or social situations: I've compared with many NTs. Anyway, I can vouch that the interpretation above was the one intended...

I cheated. I knew it was the man because I have seen the other videos with him in it.

The first look at his eye-contact was enough.

She doesn't look like she is looking something up. She looks like she is more interested in her special interest than she is helping him find his way around. It's classic. That's what it's like to have AS with a job that relies on good PR skills.

The guy is completely and utterly normal. There is nothing unusual about him. He is going to the receptionist and asking for assistance. This is normal behaviour. He is expecting to find someone sitting behind a desk with a pleasant smile on her face and a "hi, may I help you". That's what they do. He doesn't get that. It's normal to be lost when you are in an office building or medical complex for the first time. Nothing out of sync about that. The receptionist, on the other hand, was entirely out of sync with the needs of that man. He needs to find out where the place he needs to be is and he wants to know her name, because it's polite to refer to people by names. He doesn't want to look at her tag because she has placed it too close to her cleavage, which should be covered, anyway.

She screams "Aspie" by her clothing, demeanor, attitude, lack of intuitive understanding of his needs. She isn't connected to him in any way and doesn't try to make him comfortable. The only attempt was when she practically yells at him in the elevator, an enclosed space, that the place is indeed a maze. She seems like she doesn't want to go to the trouble of helping, which is her job. She is supposed to "recieve" people, she's a "receptionist" after all. It's her job to be nice to them and help them find their way around and announce them to whomever she works for.

Instead, she misinteprets him looking at her name tag and impulsively attacks him.
I haven't been in that exact situation, but I have been in countless similar ones. That the classic Aspie dilemma when trying to work that kind of job. It's like, we don't realize we cause something, we don't put it together, and we end up looking bad because of that.
Notice the man was nice enough to look at the tag at the very end of the video, after he tried to get her to say her name. Notice how she just ignores him? I have done that kind of thing so many times. People ask me something and I ignore their question. I can't even count how many times that's happened.


How do you know he didn't notice? What if he had an appointment to keep and she was the only one around? You have to keep on if there's someplace you have to be, even if the person helping you looks like they don't want to be.
It's both logical and obvious why he repeats the question. He needs to get where he is going.

I didn't hear him say why in the video, but it seemed like he was on his way to a job interview in that building and didn't want to be late for it. He couldn't find the place and was hopeful she could tell him where it was.

That is what Asperger's is!! ! You don't realize you are being rude while you are irritating others with your body language, your complaining, your attitude. It's like, you aren't even aware you are potraying yourself that way. It's just natural and it's hard to understand why people would hate it. I have that problem all the time. It's like, I think I am being polite because I am not insulting the way they look or act, or who they are, but my body language is insulting, the look on my face and tone of voice is. My complaining insults them. This is my dilemma. It's like, I am not blatantly rude most the time, but my attitude is rude. This is what gets me in trouble.



It's not rude if you are trying to find out a name and you've asked twice already and have been ignored. How could you not notice the girl's lack of social intuition? A person with social intuition put out their hand and introduces themselves when asked the first time. That's what being socially intuitive means. You don't want to hurt their feelings, you want a good job rating, so you are friendly and helpful all the time.
To me, it was very apparent. Perhaps, it's because I have had the same sorts of situations happen to me so often. I can spot them really easily, but feel I cannot change my own.


That seems logical, but the guy wasn't unusual enough. He wasn't socially inept. If the guy is supposed to be the autistic one, the video doesn't portray it well. If you look at the video you get the impression the receptionist is the one with the problem, not the guy. Why would the receptionist be rude when all the guy wants is directions? People need directions all the time.
I haven't seen many places that let receptionists dress like that, either. If it's true the guy is the autistic one, the video didn't do a good job relaying that information to the viewer.


But that isn't normal NT behaviour. Normally, she would be smiling and helpful, especially since he's a guy, not as much so if he were a woman. Women love to help guys out and I notice them being extra nice to guys when they are waiting on them or whatever. They act differently, depending on the gender of who they are helping. A woman treating a guy like that is unusual.


Well, if that's the case, the video is kind of misleading. The receptionist should be friendlier and more helpful, and dressed more conservatively. That would make it more realistic.

neither is AS as far as i can see.
they are actors and one portrays an "approximation" of AS (the man) that is very unconvincing and is not at all what i identify with.

i know everyone is different, but the corniness and staged exaggeration of the male's persona in the clip is crude and hastily researched by non autistic people who have a job where they get paid to try to portray the reality of autism.

there is artistic "license" in it. (that means that excursions from truth are attributed to the necessity of artistic imagination (as far as i see it)).

Hmmmm, I see I can't convince everyone. Ah well - if there are any NTs whose opinion you trust, maybe ask them?

I'd also like to note that I've dealt with plenty of unfriendly, unhelpful NTs. Sometimes people use their social intuition not to make other people feel better, but to send 'I'm in a bad mood, stay away from me' signals. Unfortunate, but so it goes...

Clothing issues topic

Her clothes were completely inappropriate for the job. This is an NT woman who is acting out, using her body as a workplace "sex tool". This is entirely intentional. I am not surprised at her eventual wardrobe malfunction. My son encountered a receptionist like her the other day, and... well, he reacted like ruveyn.

The difference is what happens when one is supervised. Let's say you have two employees, one is an Aspie, one is an NT, and they both have the same kind of office job, a receptionist one, where they have to greet a variety of people and show them courtesy on a routine basis.
The NT is having a bad day, perhaps isn't feeling well, or maybe has prejudices that are affecting the job performance. The supervisor notices and, at an evaluation, tells the NT employee their performance isn't consistent, what they can do to change it. The NT listens attentively, it's the boss, after all, nods, and decides he is going to change and do a better job.
"You can count on me, sir. I will definitely not let you down." He says, reaching out to take the supervisor's hand. A warm, confident smile appears on his face.
The supervisor is impressed with his enthusiasm and desire to improve.
The supervisor then calls the Aspie into an evaluation. The supervisor calls to the attention of the Aspie employee the office has been recieving complaints that the Aspie isn't being attentive enough to the clients, seems to want to be elsewhere, talks to loudly at them, doesn't listen to what they say, doesn't follow directions, has too many knack-knacks on her desk, wears clothing that's too loud and gaudy to work. While in the office, the Aspie isn't looking at the boss, which the boss notices and cannot figure out. The Aspie has some gum and is smacking it loudly and keeps shifting in her seat like she is really uncomfortable. Every once in a while, the Aspie nods, looks tense, and at random moments, sighs.
The supervisor doesn't know what her problem is and is starting to wonder if she should stay with the firm.
"Well, okay.", she responds, shrugging, when the meeting is over.
She leaves without shaking hands.
The supervisor gets the impression she couldn't wait to get out of there.
The next day, he gets another call complaining that she seems to have a bad attitude and was yelling for no reason.
Perplexed, he cannot figure out why nothing has changed with this employee.
The difference is, the NT can control it, and has access to his own "PR persona" which he readily puts on for the sake of his position and his boss' comfort. The Aspie doesn't because the Aspie simply can't.
It's much more challenging for the Aspie to make the necessary changes to keep the job.

I would be reacting how the aspie would be reacting. Every time my boss had to talk to me, I would get so nervous I would be shaking my body or shaking my legs or feet and then say "Okay" and leave the office. My boss thought nothing of it. She knew I was nervous and tell me no need to get nervous. She was real nice. I also kept saying "okay" during the whole thing.
I would try and remember to look at her and nod.

I don't think my boss knew about my condition because I never told her. But sometimes I wondered if she had it too but I wasn't sure. Just a feeling I'd get. I never asked her because I didn't want to embarrass myself or else I had outed myself because what if she didn't or never even heard of it.

I mean if someone understands you and you never had to explain your problems to them or difficulties, it's most likely they may have it themselves or they know someone with it. They won't be reading your body language wrong and they be more patient with you and cutting you some slack.

Thank you, grad_girl. I realize that Ana decided to respond to your post instead of mine (despite the fact that we essentially said the same thing), but I hope you don't mind if I respond as well. Sometimes something sticks, and it just really irritates me; this is one of those topics. When it gets to something like this, I can't figure out if people are really that blind or if it's some sort of upper, like saying the normal one being on the spectrum somehow makes everyone on the spectrum higher functioning.

You see where she licks her fingers? Some people do that before turning pages. You see how she looks down and begins flipping through something after seeing him and hearing his question? She's almost definitely looking through a map or office listing of some sort.



No, it is not. She stops doing what she was before to start looking for the office; if it was a special interest, she'd probably take a while longer to do it.



Actually, it's unusual not to start off with a hi or excuse me (for him as well), and he doesn't make eye contact, and he's swaying a bit. Maybe he's not unusual on WrongPlanet, but he sure is there. Wanting to find an office is not unusual.



She's not out of sync with his needs. He couldn't wait for her to look it up, so she gets up to show him. If she was truly out of sync with his needs, she wouldn't have done that. He asks for her name while she is speaking, not in a pause, not while he's all that close to her, probably not even while she can hear him. I doubt it was about being polite either; it was a standard response, because some people on the spectrum have a set of phrases that are "socially acceptable" and will use those to try and seem normal.



You're kidding, right?



How is this appropriate in the slightest?

You can look at nametags without staring. It's possible to do it covertly, although it's a bit harder. Beyond that, if he really needed to know her name and was NT, he could have just asked again (or better yet, asked in an appropriate manner the first time, when she wasn't talking and could heard him). In the realm of polite, not knowing someone's name is much better than putting your head next to her chest to find it out.



Which is just a prop for the elevator scene.



Those are the same things, and she's a bit brisk in the beginning, as has been noted, but she mellows out and acts completely normal.



She seems to understand them pretty well. She's leading him to a place when he couldn't wait for her to find it.



She's not yelling at all, and she is trying to make him comfortable by saying how it is a maze and he can call her if needed. To a normal person, this would be enough; it's friendly conversation, and they'd be comfortable.



Contrary to popular belief, receptionists are human too, and they can have bad moments. Contrary to the even more popular belief, it's not in all of their jobs to lead people around like a dog or announce them, especially in such a big building with what appears to be multiple offices. Actually, it would probably be best for her to stay at her desk in order to help more people coming in, because it is such a big place and there doesn't appear to be another receptionist. By leaving her desk to help one person, she risks not helping more who come in lost or needing information while she's away.











You know, if she had gone for a minute or so - even just thirty seconds - without verbally responding (because she did physically respond), it'd be ok for him to repeat his question. He gives her less than five seconds, which is clearly abnormal.



Homework time! Go out to a mall or something, sit on a bench, and watch people having conversations. How many times does one abruptly say something unrelated to the topic being discussed? How many times do they do it while the other person is talking? How many times do they do it when they're a signifcant distance behind in a busy building? And how many times do they do all of those things at once (ask an unrelated question while trailing behind in a busy building, while the other person is in the middle of a sentence)? I'm betting the answer will be 0, because it's abnormal behavior.




Point out where he does it twice. I heard him ask once. If you're thinking about when you hear it while it's in his perspective, that's his thoughts; he's thinking what he's going to say before he says it.

She can't answer if she doesn't realize he's talking to her.

And it's still rude to stare at someone, and it's even more rude to lean in like he did.



Yes, he was.

I agree that her unfriendliness looks to be on-purpose rather than aspie unintentional rudeness. It's tough for me to explain it though.

The one part where she does seem to misinterpret is in the elevator. The guy was not being threatening or aggressive, he was just reading her name tag. Even if it was weird of him to lean in so far I think it was unrealistic how she took so much offense. If she was so sensitive to guys staring at her breast she wouldn't be dressed the way she was. Of course the real problem was that the whole situation was contrived by whoever wrote the script. It just didn't come off as a realistic situation to me.