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visnofskygirl
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12 Dec 2009, 3:47 am

There is nothing wrong with having aspie kids. Aspies are also normal but different and just to be honest, i don't think i could handle NT kids. :?


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TheDoctor82
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12 Dec 2009, 7:51 am

Spokane_Girl wrote:
For some reason I am hoping my kid will have AS too. Now I won't be alone.


If my kid ends up having another disability instead such as ADHD or dyslexia or other learning problems or just aspie traits or no mental conditions, I'd still love my child. At least my husband has aspie traits so I'm not fully alone :wink:


The reason I'd actually find enjoyment in it is that not only could I relate on a particular level that no one else can, but I can explain my own experiences, and I'm sure my kid would listen--as no one else would understand him/her.

Even my very popular NT friend said being Autistic makes people very interesting...as long as they just drop the b*tching and moaning about their social skills.

Here, here!



Danielismyname
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12 Dec 2009, 9:26 am

veiledexpressions wrote:
My daughter has Rett Syndrome. It is the most severe disorder on the spectrum. I love her very very much.


Nah. Autistic Disorder is the most severe when the whole population is taken into account. Rett's has similar, though usually less severe social deficits as seen in AD, but it just has a heap of things added that aren't found in AD.

To add some rather makeshift statistics, you probably have a 50/50 chance of having someone with a milder form of autism, and the other half with a more severe form.



veiledexpressions
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12 Dec 2009, 10:16 am

Danielismyname wrote:
veiledexpressions wrote:
My daughter has Rett Syndrome. It is the most severe disorder on the spectrum. I love her very very much.


Nah. Autistic Disorder is the most severe when the whole population is taken into account. Rett's has similar, though usually less severe social deficits as seen in AD, but it just has a heap of things added that aren't found in AD.

To add some rather makeshift statistics, you probably have a 50/50 chance of having someone with a milder form of autism, and the other half with a more severe form.


I mean as considered part of the spectrum. I don't think RS should be an ASD. I am not sure why it is even considered one, other than the fact that my daughter didn't make eye contact during her regression period. Other than that, the symptoms seem unrelated to ASDs.

However, as far as how one's life is affected, RS IS the most severe. My daughter has a shortened life expectancy, is on 8 medications a day, has seizures, can't walk, talk, feed herself, hold a cup, hold a toy, sign, or use the toilet. She needs help in every aspect of life. She also has digestive and breathing issues.

RS isn't genetically linked to other ASDs. It's a random mutation in the MeCP2 in the X chromosome.



moknin
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12 Dec 2009, 10:36 am

I don't, because I know how being bullied feel and I simply don't want my child to experience it



granatelli
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12 Dec 2009, 11:27 am

Reading through this whole thread I see a lot of selfishness (IMO). Posters are most concerned with what would make them feel comfortable and good rather than thinking about the well being & emotional health of their child.

First off, for all of the gifts that being AS has it all comes with it also comes with a life of alienation, depression, difficulties w/employment and a higher divorce and suicide rate. It's tough to be on the spectrum. Why wish that on your child? Just so you could relate to them better? So that you feel more comfortable?

And speaking of relating of being able to "relate" better, I'm not sure that's even true. Parents who have AS often have a very tough time parenting. Read through the threads on this site and you see a lot of people who had a tough time growing up when they had an AS parent. The rigidity, black & white think, lack of empathy, lack of ToM and so on. It's not an ideal envronment for raising a child.

Now on top of that throw in that a child who has AS being raised by a parent that has AS. Sounds like it would be a perfect match. But the problem is for all of the ways that it "works" and the parent & child can relate, the very issues that make it work are the very same issues that can make if very difficult. It's like the blind leading the blind. If you're an aspie you know how hard it is for someone to change your mind if you see things a certain way. Now imagine you see things (concretely) one way and your child sees them (equally concretely) another way.

Having and raising a child can be one of the happiest things you will ever do in life. I hope that all here who wish to do so can someday experience it. You will love your child whether they are AS/NT or somewhere in between. But IMO be careful what you wish for. You just may get it. And once you are a parent you are a parent till the day you die. It does not end when they go of to school.



LipstickKiller
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12 Dec 2009, 1:22 pm

It's natural to want to have things in common with you child, but would I wish for an AS child? Of course not! What defines someone as having an ASD rather than a BAP personality is impairment. Why would I want my child to be impaired and as a consequence suffer? Everyone suffers, but why wish a particular suffering on the person you love the most?

If you want a child with only the positive traits ofautism, then what you want is not AS. AS as a diagnosis means impairment and if not direct suffering than indirect suffering because of the limitations to your life.

I have an autistic son. I wouldn't change him, but I can se his pain and I wish I could take it away. :(



LipstickKiller
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12 Dec 2009, 1:28 pm

I would also recommend any aspiring parents to read some child psychology. Even if your child turns out the way you want them, being raised by a parent because they're hoping to finally be understood and loved by another person causes real psychological problems. A child shouldn't be born to a task, and the task of fulfilling the emotional needs of a lonely aspie is no little job. :x



Hyacynth
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12 Dec 2009, 1:32 pm

wigglyspider wrote:
You could always adopt, then there's no gambling. :3

Unless you were talking about adopting an older child but even then with all of the people who are diagnosed late in life I think all bets are off. When you adopt an infant you have no idea what they will be like as they grow. EVERYTHING IS A GAMBLE



12 Dec 2009, 2:33 pm

granatelli wrote:
Reading through this whole thread I see a lot of selfishness (IMO). Posters are most concerned with what would make them feel comfortable and good rather than thinking about the well being & emotional health of their child.

First off, for all of the gifts that being AS has it all comes with it also comes with a life of alienation, depression, difficulties w/employment and a higher divorce and suicide rate. It's tough to be on the spectrum. Why wish that on your child? Just so you could relate to them better? So that you feel more comfortable?

And speaking of relating of being able to "relate" better, I'm not sure that's even true. Parents who have AS often have a very tough time parenting. Read through the threads on this site and you see a lot of people who had a tough time growing up when they had an AS parent. The rigidity, black & white think, lack of empathy, lack of ToM and so on. It's not an ideal envronment for raising a child.

Now on top of that throw in that a child who has AS being raised by a parent that has AS. Sounds like it would be a perfect match. But the problem is for all of the ways that it "works" and the parent & child can relate, the very issues that make it work are the very same issues that can make if very difficult. It's like the blind leading the blind. If you're an aspie you know how hard it is for someone to change your mind if you see things a certain way. Now imagine you see things (concretely) one way and your child sees them (equally concretely) another way.

Having and raising a child can be one of the happiest things you will ever do in life. I hope that all here who wish to do so can someday experience it. You will love your child whether they are AS/NT or somewhere in between. But IMO be careful what you wish for. You just may get it. And once you are a parent you are a parent till the day you die. It does not end when they go of to school.



There's adoptions. Parents can just hand their kids to the state if they can't handle them so of course it's never too late. Plus they can leave their spouses and be stuck with paying child support until the kid turns 18. Some parents and kids cut contact off with each other and I have heard of parents throwing their kids out in the streets just because they're an "adult."

Lot of kids get bullied, everyone has challenges and faults, that's how I see AS as. Lot of people suffer depression, autistic or not, same as feeling suicidal. I will just teach my child suicide is for quitters and he must be strong unless he is trapped in a burning building or making a sacrifice to save lot of people or he is suffering in psychical pain and it will never go away and it's for life. And parenting is hard for everyone I hear.

I'm not so rigid or black and white like I used to be. See aspies, just have to learn is all.
I think it's hard to change anyone's mind, I can tell people something and they still have their same opinion.
But I usually change mind when I learn more about something because I was ignorant about it and all I needed was to know more. Only true ignorant people won't budge. I've seen this in people, aspie or not.

Everyone lacks empathy, everyone lacks TOM, I've seen it. So I see AS as a personality and a list of faults.



EnglishInvader
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12 Dec 2009, 2:42 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
There's adoptions. Parents can just hand their kids to the state if they can't handle them so of course it's never too late. .


"Don't worry, Mother... If the marriage doesn't work out, we can always get divorced".

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TheDoctor82
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12 Dec 2009, 3:09 pm

moknin wrote:
I don't, because I know how being bullied feel and I simply don't want my child to experience it


they'll experience it whether or not they're Autistic; the severity level will be another case entirely.

the only real difference is that their Autism will likely make 'em a lot more interesting--assuming they chose to use the talents they're given.

If not, they'll likely wind up with a dead-end job "following the crowd".

It scares me how many Autistic folks here still seem to believe the latter is still the way to go. Those "normal" folk must've either brainwashed you real good or you're just caving to the pressure...



dadsgotas
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12 Dec 2009, 3:54 pm

God, no. I wouldn't inflict this on anyone.



Kilroy
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12 Dec 2009, 3:57 pm

i am the same way
I had to deal with myself

not only would I have to deal with me, and with whatever weird girl I end up with
but the weird kid that I made
no way
not at all



JasonGone
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12 Dec 2009, 4:13 pm

i would not hope to be responsible for someone having so much to deal with either... not even if it made me feel better. not even if it gave me someone to easily relate to (which i think the chances of that being the result is narrow)


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gramirez
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12 Dec 2009, 4:32 pm

Would I wish it on someone? No, absolutely not. But if the cards played out (genetics) and I did have an AS/autistic child, I certainly would not mind.


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