Can others tell you have Asperger's?

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At age 25 I'm not sure if I can see the point in getting a dianosis since I am so old now. I doubt I will visit a psychologist bc there really isn't anything you can for AS is there? I am able to lead a pretty normal life so I don't feel a diagnosis would really benefit me.

Oh by freak flag I meant that sometimes when people are a little different or don't fit the mold of the norm, people say those people have a "freak flag". I didn't mean it in a bad way. It's pretty obvious I have a freak flag, so I need to learn to embrace it and fly it. I thought maybe that is what someone meant by being proud of having AS...embrace it and accept it? Sorry if that seems rude.

Depends on how life's going.

The past few years, things have to be going pretty bad for them to be able to tell. Either that or I'm in a mall or there's flood lights overhead. Either one will do it.

Wow, i actually match most of that.. and people have commented on most of those traits in me at some point or another. No one i've been in contact with socially had ever come out and said that they thought i was autistic though. The people i have told about it seem surprised. I think that if someone knew a lot about ASDs or knew some high-functioning people with ASDs then they'd probably recognize it in me, though.

What you said happened exactly with me. But have you seen the relationships which forms between normal people, as far as I have seen they are full of jealousy and hatred inside but friends outside. There is always a sort of competition going on, e.g. who can win an argument, who can look and behave more "cool" etc.

Remember one thing you are above the competition. So what if you are bad in some situations, I am sure there would be some things which you do better than others, concentrate on them. Give your best on them and you will be surprised to see "people's" reactions. I can guarantee you'll hear "How did you do it?". Remember the solution lies in out of the box thinking. Everybody's normal but you my friend are gifted. Cherish the gift of nature, don't be ashamed.

As far as enjoying it, I do. I maybe bad in everything but the thing I am good at is the thing I am good at. I may not have too many friends, may not even form relationships easily but when I do you can be sure they're honest. Look at the quality not the quantity.

As I wrote this I remember one quote:

First they ignore you,
then they ridicule you,
then they fight you,
then you win
-- Mahatama Gandhi

Accept it and move on. There's much more to do in life than just form relationships. If you prefer to be alone do something which interests you e.g. read books, write poems, learn music, experiment with things (if you're like me, I love computers ), write posts on WP etc.

I may sound crazy or my words may be somewhat confusing but what I mean is nature took something from us but it also gave us something. Find it you'll love it. Everything remains in a state of equilibrium. Life's not that harsh after all.

Last edited by Sabu on 07 Feb 2010, 2:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have to disagree with your signs.

I think it depends on other things - age mainly. I believe the older you get the more rehearsed you are. I have spent my entire life practicing and imitating people so if you just met me I doubt you would think I'm an aspie. I put on this different person. And it's like holding up the forcefield around the entire ship - completely draining.

I am overly bubbly and overly focused and attentive on whomever I'm speaking with, to the point that the person thinks I'm madly in love with them many times. It's been a real problem. I'm told that I'm great at a gathering. The problem? I get worked up to the point of not sleeping and being physically ill many times before the gathering out of stress, I put all of my energy into the act and keeping the forcefield in place during the event, and then I leave and collapse. Sometimes go straight to bed or just refuse to speak to a sole until I can regroup and have enough quiet time to recenter and recharge.

From the point of view of the people at the event - I can come across as delightful and they want to contact me the next day or they invite me to other places - which is a horror. I then work hard to try and disengage from them without hurting feelings (impossible) and I always say and do the wrong things and there is fallout. You can't really blame them because they fell for the act.

About 5 - 6 years ago I was able to start my own business and stop working for someone else. This has been a huge time of discovery. I discovered AS. I decided to drop the act. I started giving myself permission to be myself which sounds very easy but it's a challenge when you've been acting, dressing and trying to talk like someone else all of your life to try and fit in. I flat out told my family that they really may not even like me after this but I'm going to be me.

I'd like to report a happy ending but it's been up and down. I certainly feel much better about myself and about life, that's for sure. And I'm not sick anymore. I used to be sick on a consistent basis from the stress and the drain.

This got longer than I expected - sorry. Just pointing out that if you're a well practiced mimic you may not show those signs as readily on the surface.

I worked with someone once who suggested I read a chapter in a book, I don't remember what the book was about but this one chapter was about autism. After reading it I understood that he was suggesting that I might be autistic but I didn't talk to him about it. I did talk about to another colleague, I said 'H. seems to think I might be autistic, but I don't think I am, I think I just zone out sometimes.' She said 'You what?' I said 'I just zone out sometimes.' She didn't talk as much with me after that. But I didn't notice. I thought the whole idea of me being autistic was preposterous, I never thought about it again until I self-diagnosed five or so years later.

I haven't told a lot of people about my self-diagnosis but there have been a few times when I've had to and each time I can see the lightbulb going on in their heads. It's like everything about my person falls into place for them, in just one moment, but they wouldn't have thought of it themselves if I hadn't told them.

Professionals (doctors/psychologists/professors) can tell I'm an Aspie, as can people who either are an Aspie themselves or have a family member or close friend who's an Aspie. Otherwise, people just think I'm quirky. If I tell somebody I have AS, they usually go, "Oh, okay, I can see it", but again, if I didn't let them know, they'd just think I was quirky. I didn't get diagnosed until I was in college. My AS is not obvious to people who don't know what they're looking for or who aren't close to me. But I was first diagnosed because an OCD psychologist of mine recognized the signs.
-OddDuckNash99-

So did it make you feel kind of ashamed that everyone else could tell there was something wrong with you, but you just thought you were normal? This is the problem I am having..one thing is that I am embarrassed it took me so long to put all of these clues together to realize people were trying to tell me maybe I had a problem. I wish if people thought there was something wrong with me, they'd quit being mysterious about it and JUST TELL ME their thoughts about it so I will know. Another thing, I can't believe people have noticed this about me but it's something I was oblivious to and never even noticed..I mean, I've always known I'm a little different than other people in some ways, but I just thought I was being immature or that maybe my brain just wasn't as fast as other people. I've always felt stupid and like a loser in many ways.

Now it's like things are starting to make sense to me about myself, but I have no idea where to go from here with it. I don't plan to get an official diagnosis, I can't see the point in it since I am so old now there's really nothing I would be able to do about it, plus I am independent and able to get around on my own and everything.

I hope if anyone else has any more stories or thoughts you will post them, I am really enjoying reading your responses and learning more about this topic.

People around me could if they knew what the heck asperger's was. I told my close friends and all they said was "Oh, okay." They asked nothing. My mom was there when I got diagnosed. Didn't ask what it was. Didn't ask how she could help me. Didn't ask what the symptoms were. I try to explain, but it's like the words bounce off their heads. Then, she gets mad at me when I do something aspie. HELLO! I bring home books from the library for you to read about it! You should know why I do what I do now. People just think I'm shy and a little "off".

Sorry for the little rant .

The puzzle seems to be falling in place . I am 25 too and don't want official diagnosis. Well atleast you can learn to conquer your fears, new day a new fear to conquer. Remember the fun lies in the journey.


You can read this if you like to: (explains my dilemma)
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt106715.html

I told one girl with AS and one guy who'd worked with a lot of autistic people and they both said they suspected I was before I told them. So people who are very familiar with the signs seem to be able to tell.

No not at all. I may seem weird and quiet after hanging around me for awhile but noone has ever said aspergers.

My therapists could tell. My husband can tell, I am sure people can tell if they know me long enough. They already know something is different about me even though they don't know I have it. If they know about the condition, then they might be able to tell. Kids in my school knew I was different.

People have said things about me like I'm very honest, straight to the point, funny, black and white (which I hate hearing), very smart, innocent, sweet, and they notice I'm literal. Some have said I am sometimes rude. Only one person picked up I had it because he knew of autism and AS and his mom was a special ed teacher and he picked up I had obsessions and I wasn't looking at him. Then telling an autism joke is what gave me away. I remember some stranger asked me if I was autistic because I named every B&J actor from the movie. I was asked in high school if I was autistic.

I'm too Aspie for NTs, but I'm too NT for Aspies. So if I was in a group of other 20-year-old female Aspies, they'll see me as an NT and tell me I am a fraud. But if I was in a group of other 20-year-old female NTs, I wouldn't fit in and wouldn't be abandoned too.

What do I do? Ahh!

Sorry if I didn't read this entire topic, short attention span

Anyway, I also am waiting for a diagnosis, my therapist thinks I have it, but the psychiatrist hasn't budged. I get treatment for bipolar.

Anyway, it took the therapist almost three years of talking to me to suspect something. I talk good one-on-one and have eye contact, but I even remember when I asked someone to teach me to have a conversation, so it's really lots of practice.

As a kid, I was VERY different. I had daily severe meltdowns, I took things literally, and severe ADHD symptoms, I was placed in special education, everyone knew I was different.

As an adult before I knew what AS was, I was told by several people I was "strange".

I found about AS because I worked at one time with someone who had AS, though more severe than my suspected AS. Anyway, he said that I was the strangest person he ever met! I didn't know what to think of that coming from a person I thought was strange! Anyway, he later said I was on the spectrum, but higher functioning than him.

When I asked people about AS, they either didn't know what it was but thought it sounded like me when I gave them info, or they knew what it was and thought I should have known that.

At a bipolar support meeting, I was describing my childhood, and a random lady says she works with AS adults and I was on the spectrum. She questioned me for a while.

There was a bar I used to go to alone, the kitchen staff would talk about AS every single time I went there... I didn't know what was up with that.

Nowadays I just aske relatives if they think I'm socially inept... they all say "Yes! very!" LOL