AS and toughening up in your 20s

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Your own statements over the "Love and Dating" and "Haven" suggest that you have seen people who do attempt to do things as they see fit, the people posting in those foru,s are or do plan on conducting those activites in the future - hence posting there.

I'm far past my twenties. I keep noticing this tendency on here that people have of evaluations like this every once in a while. I am trying to understand how there is gratification in that. I do think people have a warped sense of what the internet is. Free therapy, for many. A vent. I understand the motives of the people venting but I don't understand the motives of the people judging, unless it is deflection. It's interesting to think about. But pretty much, people are going to keep on doing what serves them. If this serves them, good on it. It's a safe place. You know what Shakespeare said about mercy, it blesses both who gives and receives it.

I think you are forgetting that alot of times aspies get 'left out' of a lot of social interactions in general and this gives us a forum to be supportive of another person and to 'be there' and try to lend a hand when someone is down. It's not just the person with the problem who benefits from the 'venting', it's gratifying to aspies to share knowledge and experience they wouldn't otherwise get a chance to.

Deflection/Redirection/Projection defenses, Jackassery, or "for the lulz". Also see bored people

I often don't complain about my problems. Only sometimes. I prefer to leave it through IM or PM and have my buddies listen to me rant than bringing it out in the open for everyone to read.

A few times in the past here I would keep ranting about the same things over and over and yes I did get accused of doing it to get attention. So yeah not a good idea to rant about the same stuff over and over because then it doesn't look good. Then at another forum I was accused of doing gossip because I was ranting about people I had issues with online from here. So I asked to be banned for like a month and the forum owner followed through.

Ofourse there is a big difference between toughening up and becoming more cynnical/ pessemistic about life and other people. i only seemed to have done the second one - to by downfall

Being vulnerable is often the toughest thing to do.

And tough people don't always come across that way and vice versa.

I worked a lot of places in my twenties and because they were menial jobs a lot of my colleagues came from tough backgrounds. One of them after he stopped harassing me told me to toughen up because he was worried about me getting pushed around. But I can't toughen up, I can only do what I do. Sometimes it comes across as being tough and sometimes not, but it's always the same thing.

I love that! me too.

I always thought I had a deficit but now I see it as an asset. The world is a hard place, in my view it needs to soften up.

Maybe I should read this whole thread but I think I've toughened up because I have more self confidence about myself. I have tried to date and be social but it doesn't work out for me. I would rather find a mate that I don't have to just have a good time with and play games with. I want something much more serious than that. I don't care if I have to wait 10 or 20 years for that.
As for friends I have friends not in the usual way where you hang out with them a few days a week or talk to them online/on phone. But I can meet up with them once in a blue moon (which isn't really that long anymore if you look at the stats of recent Blue Moons - sorry astro nerd here).
I also don't get bothered if people make fun of me. I just ignore it.
I don't want to change. I want to be smarter, but that's a bit hard because I think my brain just can't learn some things. I have more than AS going on. Anyway I'm finding ways to cope with this.
But I'm not going to try to act 'normal'. I'm not going to date for the sake of it. I don't want 2 week or 6 month or 3 year relationships, I want to be with someone forever. Going through breakups are just too much for a person with extreme emotions. If I try to make myself more social I would end up with severe social anxiety again. I prefer to be avoidant or turn completely off the conversation. It means less anxiety.

Perhaps I'll read the middle of this thread that I skipped because I seem to have missed a whole lot.