Are "meltdowns" the new word for "tantrums?

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The difference between a "meltdown" and a "tantrum" is that a normal child throws a tantrum of their own free will in an effort to get their way. A meltdown is when someone with autism is overwhelmed and is acting out because of a lack of ability to process the flood of emotions.

Confusing the terms is a disservice to those who legitimately have meltdowns.

In all honesty, even though there are a number of parents who migh toverreact to their children's "difficulties", and to sarcasm from those on the spectrum, there are also many parents who deny their childrens'real difficulties. It is also quite arrogant if we say that parents do not know when their child has a problem, when we ourselves at one point decided we had problems, too, otherwise we weren't diagnosed. Sarcasm might lead the parents to doubt your diagnosis, too.

That article ignores that most meltdowns do NOT happen after something has been denied. The immediate trigger can be anything. It can be a loud noise or an unexpected event or some small annoyance like accidentally stumbling on a crack in the sidewalk. That immediate trigger is nearly irrelevant, because it's the underlying, dangerously-high stress level that created the situation to begin with.

Meltdowns are not maniuplative tactics. They may start out as tantrums, but not usually. Usually they are a result of having too much to handle and not enough cognitive space to do it in. Being denied something you want can be a trigger if your stress level is bad enough; but the trigger is equally likely to be something sensory, like an alarm going off, or something transition-related, like being told that class has ended and you have to go to lunch.

Thankfully, most parents of autistic children don't have to worry about whether or not it is a tantrum or a meltdown (autistic children can have both), because the response to either one is generally the same: Back off, don't interact, and let it wind down on its own. Later, when the child has had some rest (I know I collapse afterward; I'm generally sore and utterly exhausted), you can talk about it and figure out why it happened.

As adults, the goal, generally, is not truly to suppress meltdowns. There's no good in doing that whether you're five or fifty; they're unstoppable once they start, short of a shot of Haldol (and sometimes not even then). The best strategy to learn is to predict them before they happen, to learn to self-monitor and find ways to de-escalate the problem. For me, the best way is to be alone and lie down. I have no idea why lying down does it, though I wouldn't be surprised if it were the pressure of the floor against my whole body combined with not needing to process balance and movement as you do when you're sitting or standing. Methods for de-escalating a potential meltdown are varied and they depend on you and exactly what autistic traits you have. But they're important to learn, and important to teach to children.

The fact is, we're autistic and we're always going to be this way, and the world is never going to be the perfect environment we'd want. The best we can do is recognize the problem, define it, and work with the facts as they are, rather than telling ourselves we're immature, impulsive, and undisciplined and hoping we'll somehow "get over it".

While there is a well defined difference between tantrums and meltdowns, it needs to be noted that NT children can have meltdowns. Being on the autism spectrum is not required. It is especially common among toddlers, who do both with fair frequency. The most common cause of NT toddler meltdown is exhaustion. Just like autistic people of any age, they can get overwhelmed by too much stimuli and melt down because of it. The difference, as far as I can tell, is that these meltdowns in NT toddlers can be averted (usually) by naps to give their brains a chance to recover from such stimulation before they melt down. If the meltdown hasn't been averted, the exhausted and melting down NT toddler can be helped in the same way as an autistic person- by making sure they are removed to a calm, quiet place away from all stimulation.

Some parents can tell the difference. Some parents, unfortunately, can't. So they scold their melting down NT toddler and continue dragging them around the noisy, brightly lit store so as not to "give in" when what the toddler really needs is a nap or at least to be removed to a calm, quiet place. It's a shame the article didn't explain that distinction because it's an important one and one that all parents need to know, lest they assume that their toddlers have infinite ability to withstand sensory stimulation and should be scolded when they meltdown from too much of it.

Of course I knew anyone can have meltdowns but melting down because you were told to stop doing something or told you can't have a toy in the store? Then it stops right after they get what they want? Sounds like a tantrum to me. That's what the article was mostly about. How to say no in a positive way than in a controlling demanding way.

Yeah, I think what Janissy was referring to is the sort that gets out of control and can't be stopped, not the sort that stops when Mom gives in. Sometimes a tantrum in a very stressed child can turn into a meltdown, which of course just adds to the confusion.

I agree. I think it's a shame that the article writers missed an opportunity to educate parents about the difference. Parents really do need to know, since the appropriate response to them is different. A firm yet not furious "no" to a toddler who is overstimulated (but wails "wanna cookie") won't help. They need a nap. And attempts to put a wide-awake but limit-testing toddler down for a nap also won't teach anything about limits. Luckily there are some older women who educate new mothers about the difference. (An unappreciated public service, but sometimes it's actually helpful.) I saw an exhausted toddler wailing "wanna cookie" and his mom kept snapping "no cookies!". It didn't help, of course. An older woman came over and tut-tutted to him, "you don't want a cookie, dear, you want a nap". Then she said "he does look tired" to the mom. That's a public service.

Wow that was an awful article. Meltdowns involve no amount of manipulation at all and have nothing to do with somethingbeing denied unless the thing being denied is something like "being allowed to leave an overloading situation" or "being allowed to stim or do other things that reduce overload". Here is a much better article about meltdowns:

http://moggymania.blogspot.com/2007/06/ ... ntrum.html

...keeps being demonstrated by the spoiled brat across the street.

I'm always amazed when I see people referring to meltdowns as "tantrums" -- it seems clear to me that they're different, both from the inside and the outside. At least, it is if we pay attention to how and when they happen, then how/when they stop.

Yesterday, for example, I found myself really overloaded for some reason. I was alone in my room, nothing was happening externally, yet I kept finding my stress levels skyrocketing until I'd start to cry. Since there wasn't anything else causing it, I was able to back out of it almost as soon as I noticed it happening, but if (for example) the NT kid across the street started screaming, or my mother asked me for something, or the cats were growling, I would have lost it.

I wasn't in a "place" mentally that would have let me figure out the cause, plus I knew inevitably somebody would provoke me (in part because I was going out soon) so I took 200mg Neurontin...enough to reduce my overstimulation and stress, not enough to zonk me. Good thing, since I had trouble obtaining one of the cat's medical supplies; otherwise I would have not only started crying on the spot, I wouldn't have been able to think enough to solve the issue or even to stay there for more than the time needed to say "no we don't really need it bye I'll come again" and leave.

So meltdown = ability to tolerate things is eroded to the point that the next stressor, even if unnoticed by others, causes a severe emotional reaction, overwhelming need to get away from (or halt) the current stressor, inability to think otherwise. If you change or remove the emotion, it's like those dreams where something evil is chasing you -- your mind is blank with nothing but the overwhelming need to get away that very instant no matter what it takes.

Now, in comparison, what I keep seeing the kid across the street doing as well as lots of kids elsewhere, what my brother did as a toddler, and what I've repeatedly read is the case for a true tantrum... When the little kid wants something (a cat, a toy, his brother, whatever) he promptly starts crying loudly, often screaming. Sometimes the child flails or gets aggressive.

But there are big signs that something else is going on. First, the child doesn't act like that if there's nobody nearby, unless the kid has learned they'll come if they hear him. Some people have said that they've watched little kids fall down, look around quickly, and only start crying if they see an adult. Once the tantrum starts, if they lose their audience, are ignored, are moved away from others, or sometimes if they're threatened, they escalate everything.

Second, as soon as they do get their way, the tantrum ceases and the kid rapidly loses signs of distress. Under the right circumstances, the child might even smile, giggle, or laugh not long afterwards; playing isn't at all unusual. They might repeat the fuss within minutes if they don't get what they want again, but it's not because they're continuously upset.

So a tantrum = communicative behavior used to express upset, where the person's mind is focused on getting the message across but still can refocus & function normally otherwise; often part of a "power struggle" between a child and an authority figure.

One place the distinction really matters is when there's a mix of autistic and non-autistic siblings. My brother (a tyrant as a child) and I are a common example... If I didn't do (or give him) what he wanted, he'd throw a tantrum screaming/crying that I'd "hurt" or was "being mean" to him. As soon as our mother showed up, he'd rush to her totally calm, but I uncontrollably howled that I didn't do anything. Mother would take away whatever she noticed I'd been using to relax or cope with life. Then, of course, since I still couldn't stop almost frantically repeating that it wasn't fair and I hadn't done anything, she saw that as a "power struggle" and punished me still further.

Sometimes there was a variant where he'd sit there doing something he knew really disturbed my sensory sensitivity -- moving an arm or leg rapidly in front of me or in my peripheral vision, standing inside my comfort zone, putting his video game volume up just a notch higher than I could tolerate it, chewing loudly with mouth full, etc. If I asked him to stop it, he'd just smirk "no." I couldn't complain to our mother because she'd just tell me I was being ridiculous because it didn't bother her, and I should leave him alone or be nicer to him. So eventually, I'd meltdown and try to make the stimuli stop physically, he'd fake a tantrum, and I'd get into huge trouble again.

Another example (I'm on a roll! would be me versus my ex-stepfather. He took sadistic amusement in identifying sensory things I couldn't tolerate, then doing them on purpose to supposedly "desensitize" me (while calling me stuff like "baby" or "wuss") until I was so desperate to make it stop that I'd have a meltdown. At that point I invariably did or said something wrong, and ended up being punished as well as being told still more what a "baby" I was acting like! In contrast, he had real tantrums -- he clearly stomped, yelled, grabbed, hit, all the while making demands and threats. Often he'd provoke me, I'd melt down, and he'd throw a tantrum to match.

Which brings us to my last point... When meltdowns are seen as intrinsic "tantrums" that are part of autism, there's no recognition that anything externally intolerable might cause them, and no ability to acquire relief by removing the irritant. With our own brains taking the blame, the big goal becomes eliminating that ability to show intense distress. The underlying misery that remains after the "tantrums" stop is assumed to be part of autism.

(Note I'm not saying that autistic people never tantrum, or that non-autistics don't have meltdowns. Non-auties likely don't have meltdowns as often because they don't normally live in a society that is keeping their stress levels up to the point where anything routine could push them over the top. I'm not sure about tantrums in autistic people, just that I never bothered since obviously being wildly upset didn't do me any good, and I think I've heard similar from some other autistic friends.)

it did, actually and there is plenty more info on the supplied web link http://momofautistic.proboards.com/inde ... thread=300

This eerily familiar. Mine delighted in yelling into my ears, knowing I'm sensitive to loud noises. The whole point of it all seemed to be to humiliate me and blame things on me, because he must've known how ashamed I was at having uncontrollable "tantrums" while already in my mid-teens. It was easy to blame the family problems on me when he could point to my "tantrums" and talk about how horrible a child I was. I wonder how much of the "violence" that autistics are charged with is actually just meltdowns deliberately provoked by a bully? Not that autistics can't be deliberately violent; but I hear about this kind of provocation all the time, and it's kind of troubling to think about. Sometimes I think we must have invisible targets pinned to our backs.

I am curious why no one has read the whole article at the website I clearly posted. It goes on into information about when the child is smart enough to know that a melt down causes consternation in their parents, etc.

Ah, well, I suppose

I'd say inertia combined with the fact that the article seemed to be pasted into your post. Your second quote has nothing to do with it.

I read most of it. It's my short attention span that makes it hard for me to read long posts.

I think it's also important not to go the opposite way. I had horrible meltdowns as a kid and my parents called them tantrums even though by the time it was over I remembered little, sometimes had hurt myself, and didn't do it to get my way (I'm not stupid...I could "get it" that if whining and crying didn't get my way then throwing a hissy fit wouldn't do it either). Yet ppl perceived them that way and punished me. I had them until I was almost 30 years old, when I finally figured out that I could go into a room, block out all sounds and lights, and lie down, and that would stop the process. My two older children who have ADHD (and I think my daughter also has AS) had them too and I wouldn't let anyone accuse them of manipulating or being brats. They're not. I taught them my technique as they got older.

~Kate