"You don't try new things"

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Be true to yourself, be who you are. There may be a fight of course, but try to remain who you are.

I went through the same things with my parents and siblings. They tried to force going out, socializing, and other things I didn't want on me as well. All it did was make me unhappy. Even when I told them how I felt, I was told "you have to learn to like it" and other such nonsense.

Usually, the one they chose to force me to emulate was my sister, since we were closest in age. She liked to swim and I didn't, so they started cramming swimming down my throat by basically threatening abuse, taking everything away from me, and so on if I didn't drop whatever I was doing and go swimming when my sister did. For 4 summers, it was swimming pretty much everyday, no compromises, along with loads of swimming classes.

I say pretty much everyday because some days, but not very often, she wouldn't want to go and nothing was said about it, nor was I forced to go on those days. However if I didn't wan to go, it was always a fight. I thought it was so wrong she got a choice and not I, but they seemed to think it was OK. The excuses they'd use on me included, "Everybody swims," "Everybody likes swimming," "You don't get enough exercise," "Only swimming is exercise," "You've got to get suntanned," and "Your sister doesn't like it when you won't swim with her,"

I preferred staying in over going out and when I didn't want to go out and my sister did, the same kind of stuff happened. On the rare occasion I did go out and do something I liked, that wasn't what my sister did, once I came home, I'd have to go out again with my sister because according to them, what I did wasn't really going out, recreation, etc. They also said if I didn't go out enough, I'd become warped and unable to function in society.

They wouldn't accept a compromise either. If I didn't go out of the house with my sister, whether it be to the library, the mall, college football games, her friends' parties, barhopping, there was always a fight which often included threats of instituionalization because they weren't going to have me going insane because I didn't go out enough(translation, every single time my sister did). It was absolutely terrible. Fortunately, it ended once she left home, but then she came back a few months later and it started up all over again.

They used other excuses too like if I didn't everywhere and do everything she wanted to, I wasn't supporting her efforts to go to medical school. I don't understand how not going to the mall was going to damage her chance of getting into medical school.

All of these things and more made me miserable. I couldn't do what I wanted to do, my schoolwork suffered, and I sometimes just wanted to disappear. I used to dream of flying away to a place where I would be free to be me, and my sister or parents wouldn't dirty it.

I have since gotten away from all of my abusive siblings, my father has died, my mother and I no longer speak, and I'm married. Some things have gotten better, but not others. I always wish that back then, I had been free to just be myself, like my other siblings were. I'd be much better off if that had been the case.

Try to stay true to yourself. Trying to do what they want and ignoring your true feelings will only make matters worse for you.

Thanks Prisoner. Gosh, what you went through sounds horrible. My mum has never been that demanding. I used to have to tag along with my sister, but that annoyed her more than me.
Yeah, I'm just going to stay the same. I'm feeling good that I can work out all my telescope dramas. Another thing I've seen on this forum is that people with AS can teach themselves almost anything. That's like me with my telescope, what seemed impossible is actually getting easier. I have had the help of an online astronomy forum but they're pretty much just saying things that I have been thinking.

My mum has calmed down. I'm find her complaining about losing things annoying though. I lose things too but I look possibly everywhere for things. And when I helped her look for something I found it straight away. There's just little annoyances like that. We seem ok now. I don't want to be that close to her anymore or say very much. She keeps trying to talk about meaningless stuff to me. I'm finding it so easy to just block that stuff out. I know it sounds rude but focusing my attention on something that brings me little joy is very exhausting. And she doesn't listen to me when I talk so why should I? The less I talk the less arguments right?

My eating patterns are such that I annoy people by eating the same things as snacks over and over at the same time every day.

Cheez-It
An oatmeal-raisin cookie
A bottle of orange juice

"Don't you ever wat anything else," they ask.

But I realize there are times when the store might run out of the items I like, but it still bothers those same people that I simply substitute something similar.

Garden Salsa Sun Chips
A sugar cookie
A bottle of grapefruit juice

It's my comfort food...so SUE me!

Same thing at work...well...actually, I've tried a lot of new things at work, but just not things that others can appreciate since it means that I came up with the innovation or idea. It's always considered bad or a threat when I do something - even though it's something that might really improve processes and services.

But on the other hand, I have stuck it out in a job where I was not promoted because of personal issues on the part of supervisors not understanding my personality. Until I discovered that I just MIGHT have AS, there were a lot of things I didn't understand myself! But they wanted to say that I needed to try something new as a means of excusing their practice of hiring in people wit less experience to do jobs that I was qualified to do.

I didn't have a breakdown so much as always felt bad about being me.

Now that I know what I'm working with, I no longer do.

I don't try to fit in; I just have fun being myself, and let my positive aspects shine...you'd be surprised the wonders it works.

Ah yes, the classic "you don't try new things" line.

Translation: "we NTs aren't really good at a lot of things; we're sort of jacks of all trades, masters of none; we want you to fit into that"

As I always tell people "I'd rather know a lot about a little bit than a little bit about a lot"...as the little bit about a lot usually means "virtually little more than what some guy I met yesterday at the beach told me over a beer".

I'm not adventurous; I know my strengths and weaknesses; however, whenever I'm forced into a situation like that, I just play it off with my strengths, and have some fun with it...for instance:

my day job is a cashier at an indoor water park/resort; yes, people come up to me all the time and I gotta joke around with 'em and whatnot. I know my social skills blow, and anyone with an IQ over 5 could pretty much figure that; so I have fun with it. I tend to love doing a lot of self-deprecating humor...not necessarily to the point where I'm insulting myself the way Phyllis Diller does most of her acts, but to the point where I "acknowledge" that I realize something's up, should someone act like they notice it.

I don't pretend that my social skills are at the level of your average bartender...cause they're not....nor will they ever be. I just shine at what I'm good at, "acknowledging" what I'm not. It works pretty well, pretty often.

I even get tipped by babes at the waterpark because I guess they're turned on by the confidence or something. Relax, relax...my gal means the world to me

The fact that my sister was their prize child didn't exactly help me either. She was the one who didn't have to follow rules, could practically run the house by having a temper tantrum that often resulted in her running to her room and slamming the door, while I was often punished or threatened for showing any signs of anger, frustration, etc. When I asked why it was OK for her and wrong for me, I was told "That's just how she is."

The ironic thing was if I wanted to got out and do something, if my sister didn't want to, I was out of luck. Sometimes they'd let her go out and do something without me, which I never understood. When I finally moved out on my own around 1991 at age 23, one thing I did was spend many Saturday nights renting movies from the 1970s and 1980s that I was never allowed to see because my sister didn't want to see them. She once said there was no way she'd see any movie I picked because no matter what it was, it would be bad because I picked it. Even when we had cable TV, if I tried to watch something she didn't like, she'd barge into my room, even when I had the door shut, and turn off the TV.

I also liked car shows, but could rarely go because she didn't like car shows. The list of things I wanted to do but couldn't was a mile long all because of her. She wanted to rule over me and my parents helped her do so.

Also, the few times I made friends, she would make deliberate efforts to steal them from me, and they'd usually come over the house and spend time visiting with her instead of me. My parents also had the rule if she had friends over, I was not to disturb them in any way, yet that rule never applied to her, nor did many other rules I had to follow, and to this day I don't understand why. I guess bias, prejudice, favoritism, double standards, etc., never made any sense to me.

The only way I could completely get away with it was to put some distance between myself and them and since doing so, things did improve in some areas.

^^^^

All of that yet YOU were the dysfunctional one in the household because of ASD????

She's still pushing the astronomy club thing on me. I'd only go for my own selfish gain, not to make friends. If only I could drive I could just drive out into the country with just me and my telescope. I've proved I can work it out on my own.
I can't see a lot in my backyard because of the damn palm trees in the way. So that's the only reason I'd go to astronomy club.