17 Jun 2010, 10:20 am
17 Jun 2010, 10:23 am
17 Jun 2010, 10:45 am
I wouldn't put it quite so strongly as "disgusted" but I've sometimes felt pretty bad about my special interests because of what they can do to the rest of my life, especially to my social life.....let's face it, nobody gives a damn about the minute and tedious attention to detail that I can go into, and I even lose patience with it myself at times. Sure, special interests are great fun, but it's so freaking lonely when you achieve something that's taken amazing skills and hard work to do, and then you realise that you're probably never going to be able to share that wonderful experience with another human being. In my experience, having to keep intense pleasure to myself is as bad as having to keep intense pain to myself.
My first memory of suspecting there was something "wrong" with the way I did things was when I bought my first video recorder. I had a sinking feeling inside me, that I was about to go into my own little world again and to ignore my partner, and sure enough that's exactly what happened - I scrutinised the manual from cover to cover and messed around with the VCR for days. 
That was the first time I realised how prone I was to obsession, and how much damage it could do.
I was kind of dismayed when a colleague told me about some obscure and seemingly pointless interest he had - at the end of his story, he added; "yes I know, it's sad isn't it, I should get a life!" He was partly joking, but I thought, is that the truth of it then, that every time I operate my special interests, I'm just being a sad git?
I've recently taken up socialising as a special interest, after a long break from it. It's going well because of careful selection of the "personnel," keeping the numbers and frequency reasonably low, and - critically - resisting the temptation to get back into my previous nerdy pastimes, because once I get started I can't usually stop, and I know how intraverted I can become after a couple of weeks in splendid isolation.
21 Jun 2010, 8:15 pm
ToughDiamond wrote:
I wouldn't put it quite so strongly as "disgusted" but I've sometimes felt pretty bad about my special interests because of what they can do to the rest of my life, especially to my social life.....let's face it, nobody gives a damn about the minute and tedious attention to detail that I can go into, and I even lose patience with it myself at times. Sure, special interests are great fun, but it's so freaking lonely when you achieve something that's taken amazing skills and hard work to do, and then you realise that you're probably never going to be able to share that wonderful experience with another human being. In my experience, having to keep intense pleasure to myself is as bad as having to keep intense pain to myself.
My first memory of suspecting there was something "wrong" with the way I did things was when I bought my first video recorder. I had a sinking feeling inside me, that I was about to go into my own little world again and to ignore my partner, and sure enough that's exactly what happened - I scrutinised the manual from cover to cover and messed around with the VCR for days. That was the first time I realised how prone I was to obsession, and how much damage it could do.
I was kind of dismayed when a colleague told me about some obscure and seemingly pointless interest he had - at the end of his story, he added; "yes I know, it's sad isn't it, I should get a life!" He was partly joking, but I thought, is that the truth of it then, that every time I operate my special interests, I'm just being a sad git?
I've recently taken up socialising as a special interest, after a long break from it. It's going well because of careful selection of the "personnel," keeping the numbers and frequency reasonably low, and - critically - resisting the temptation to get back into my previous nerdy pastimes, because once I get started I can't usually stop, and I know how intraverted I can become after a couple of weeks in splendid isolation.
My first memory of suspecting there was something "wrong" with the way I did things was when I bought my first video recorder. I had a sinking feeling inside me, that I was about to go into my own little world again and to ignore my partner, and sure enough that's exactly what happened - I scrutinised the manual from cover to cover and messed around with the VCR for days.
That was the first time I realised how prone I was to obsession, and how much damage it could do.I was kind of dismayed when a colleague told me about some obscure and seemingly pointless interest he had - at the end of his story, he added; "yes I know, it's sad isn't it, I should get a life!" He was partly joking, but I thought, is that the truth of it then, that every time I operate my special interests, I'm just being a sad git?
I've recently taken up socialising as a special interest, after a long break from it. It's going well because of careful selection of the "personnel," keeping the numbers and frequency reasonably low, and - critically - resisting the temptation to get back into my previous nerdy pastimes, because once I get started I can't usually stop, and I know how intraverted I can become after a couple of weeks in splendid isolation.
I feel what you mean, like needing to tell someone about what makes you feel good? I get that a lot but I can never seem to communicate it properly, or the listener just isn't interested. I dunno whether that's me eeking out my place in society (trying to build up my outer personality) or my AS. The problem with that is getting so socially detached that you have no one to communicate your pleasure or dismay to, it's catch 22 really; your anti-social interests create the need and at the same time take away the means
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21 Jun 2010, 8:21 pm
thechadmaster
Veteran
Joined: 13 Feb 2005
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,126
Location: On The Road...Somewhere
21 Jun 2010, 8:21 pm
22 Jun 2010, 5:30 am
Amber-Miasma wrote:
I feel what you mean, like needing to tell someone about what makes you feel good? I get that a lot but I can never seem to communicate it properly, or the listener just isn't interested. I dunno whether that's me eeking out my place in society (trying to build up my outer personality) or my AS. The problem with that is getting so socially detached that you have no one to communicate your pleasure or dismay to, it's catch 22 really; your anti-social interests create the need and at the same time take away the means .
.Yes....communicating the euphoria on our terms isn't likely to work. Sometimes I wonder if it might be possible to translate my experiences into simple take-home messages that anybody could understand, but it's hard to avoid the detail, and then of course everybody switches off. I suppose anybody who does a specialised job must have the same problem when they talk to their partners, unless they're working in the same field. But NTs would probably find it easier to summarise these things in an accessible way.
22 Jun 2010, 5:40 am
ToughDiamond wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
I feel what you mean, like needing to tell someone about what makes you feel good? I get that a lot but I can never seem to communicate it properly, or the listener just isn't interested. I dunno whether that's me eeking out my place in society (trying to build up my outer personality) or my AS. The problem with that is getting so socially detached that you have no one to communicate your pleasure or dismay to, it's catch 22 really; your anti-social interests create the need and at the same time take away the means .
.Yes....communicating the euphoria on our terms isn't likely to work. Sometimes I wonder if it might be possible to translate my experiences into simple take-home messages that anybody could understand, but it's hard to avoid the detail, and then of course everybody switches off. I suppose anybody who does a specialised job must have the same problem when they talk to their partners, unless they're working in the same field. But NTs would probably find it easier to summarise these things in an accessible way.
For sure, but then what is it that they're savvy to that we're not? I'm sure NT's aren't born with the ability to communicate effectively so it must be learned, if so how would an aspie go about learning to communicate like an NT?
22 Jun 2010, 6:00 am
22 Jun 2010, 6:19 am
22 Jun 2010, 6:43 am
Salonfilosoof wrote:
TheHaywire wrote:
I go from one special interest to another every few years and it seems like if I want to move on from one obsession to the next I have to become disgusted by my current obsession. Am I the only one who gets this way?
Usually when I move from one "special interest" to another it's because I've satisfied my curiosity and there isn't enough left to learn or experience for my taste. I ceased my obsession for music and graphic novels because I'd explored almost every genre, I ceased my obsession for maths and physics because I had a sufficient understanding to model most aspects of daily life, I ceased my obsession for controversial historical topics because I'd researched all information I could find, I ceased my obsession for political philosophy because my philosophical views have remained largely stable for years, I ceased my obsession for practical politics because there is no way to influence it at all, etc.... I don't get disgusted but I just no longer see the point in continuing my obsession.
ToughDiamond wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
For sure, but then what is it that they're savvy to that we're not? I'm sure NT's aren't born with the ability to communicate effectively so it must be learned, if so how would an aspie go about learning to communicate like an NT?
I think Aspies have to consciously study it, while NTs seem to pick up the skills with a lot less effort. But I think Aspies can learn to do that trick. The way I figure it is, the technicalities just won't get through to most people, so I have to stick to what I think they can understand and relate to. I think the important thing to communicate is the emotion rather than the exact technical cause of the emotion, so if something technical has gone wrong and upset me, I'll try to avoid talking in terms of the "nuts and bolts" of the thing, and just say that I was trying to do something brainy [insert purpose of task here] and I hit a snag that I wasn't expecting, that shook my confidence and annoyed me. They don't need to know exactly how it happened, any more than they need to know the exact positions of all the molecules in the room when it happened....they just need to know the bare bones of the thing, so they can work out how you're likely to be feeling and what you've been through on an emotional level.
Sounds easy in theory, but I find it hard to remember to do anything of the kind when it comes to real life.
The problem is that many emotions are triggered differently (by means of rational thought processes instead of intuitive empathy) among people with Asperger's Syndrome or other forms of ASS, making reactions based on emotions unreliable as an equivalent to the intuitive empathy of Neurotypicals unless you find a way to trigger intuitive empathy (eg. by means of psychotropic substances).
I don't think you need drugs to engage someone emphatically, although I cannot say for certain as it's not an avenue I've ever pursued. It depends really, I'd say it was important to know how everything works, I'd say it was blatant ignorance to assume you have the knowledge to do anything if you're not 100% sure. IMO it's like all things, the more you put in the more you get out; if an NT really cares and wants to live symbiotically with you then they'll put in the time and effort to understand - it's just a shame everyone isn't like that but I'd be a hypocrite if I fully expected it
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22 Jun 2010, 7:39 am
22 Jun 2010, 7:48 am
Salonfilosoof wrote:
The problem is that many emotions are triggered differently (by means of rational thought processes instead of intuitive empathy) among people with Asperger's Syndrome or other forms of ASS, making reactions based on emotions unreliable as an equivalent to the intuitive empathy of Neurotypicals unless you find a way to trigger intuitive empathy (eg. by means of psychotropic substances).
Hmmm......so the NTs wouldn't be able to relate to our joys and sorrows because the mechanisms are outside their experience.
Strange you should mention the psychotropic route. That was the ONL:Y time I knew how my alcoholic girlfriend felt, until then it was just poor guesswork.
22 Jun 2010, 8:32 am
ToughDiamond wrote:
Hmmm......so the NTs wouldn't be able to relate to our joys and sorrows because the mechanisms are outside their experience.
We feel a great amount of satisfaction by digging extremely deep into whatever hobby we have. Neurotypical people feel something similar, however they feel much greater amounts of satisfaction from just interacting with other people, shopping, watching football, partying, etc. That's one reason why it's hard for them to understand our obsessions or sorrows and why it's hard for us to understand theirs.
Another reason is the fact that they use emotional input and output as a way to communicate, while we do not. For us, emotions are just an expression of how we feel. This complicates things even more.
ToughDiamond wrote:
Strange you should mention the psychotropic route. That was the ONL:Y time I knew how my alcoholic girlfriend felt, until then it was just poor guesswork.
I've experimented with alcohol, tobacco, marihuana, LSD, mescaline, 2-CB, amfetamine, methylone, mephedrone, MDMA, GHB, DMT and a few other substances. Alcohol and tobacco helped calm my nerves. Marihuana helped either to calm my nerves or to enhance my senses and slow down everything (depending of whether it creates a "stoned" effect or a "high" effect). LSD and other psychedelics helped me relativise my own situation and life in general. Methylone and other empathogens helped me understand and even feel empathy. Amfetamine is great as an alternative to empathogens.
For about a month I used methylone in combination with a very small amount of LSD every on a weekly basis. Then, a few weeks ago I discovered the "Monster Energy" energy drink that I'm now drinking on a daily basis, allowing me to decrease the frequency of my methelone/LSD combo while maintaining an acceptable level of empathy and intuition. The other substances I mentioned I only use occasionally depending on circumstances. For example, I now have some marihuana and tobacco at home but I only do this in periods after which I quit for at least a few months. Other things (like mescaline or mephedrone) I only do with a friend on an average of 5 times per year.
----> Here's an article I wrote a while ago about my experiences with psychedelics and empathogens. <----
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