Why do people not understand when you explain AS

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I do have a hard time explaining AS. Like I tell them it's similar to autism, and they're like "oh you have autism."

My girlfriend doesn't think I act too weird, but then again she's not really a "normal" NT due to her OCD, GAD, Bipolar II and Depression...so she sorta understands my social phobias...

Good question.

I think there is a perception (amongst our host species) that 'Autism' relates entirely to people whose condition is such that:

- They sit in the corner stimming or banging their head on the floor/wall
- They are severely intellectually impaired
- The best you can be if you are Autistic is 'Rainman'

My friend asked me if my 'Alzheimer's' would get worse with age.

I replied by asking him to repeat the question, claiming that I had already forgotten what he had said

some girls don't like akward guys with asperger's syndrome. some do. big deal. move on. there's no rule saying someone has to like you or give you a go or compensate for your shortcomings. you have AS and as much as you might feel like everything/everyone should bend to accomodate that or something, it ain't gunna happen.

Whether it's porcupines or people, one must consider the nature of the creatures with which one is dealing.

Without making judgments about other people's ability to empathize or understand something different, it's a given that the showing or telling of any trait that is seen as even slightly imperfect, or differing from the norm, will break the fragile egg that is the other person's perception of you as breeding material. The projection of a perfect image, perfectly in time with every nuance of the other person's whims, is a burdensome thing and feels like "walking on eggshells" which is not for me.

It's useless to ask "oh why won't they just understand?" In any market, the players are free to accept or refuse anything they wish and that's the way it should be.

But basically she doesnt even want to be friends, which I dont get. And whthuman is perfect breeding material? Aspies have higher IQs so we'd be BETTER breeding material than most. Ignorance.

That.

Thank you for some sanity.

Go study AS and then come back when you're a little more educated. Thanks.

I disagree with you on a matter of opinion, so there I'm uneducated.

I disagree with you, and therefore you must be right and I must be wrong.

Therein lies your problem... and I fear always will. I hope you will outgrow this if you seriously want a relationship.

Finally and lastly, because I will not return to this thread again just to engage bratty teenagers in Internet arguments, but do not ever... ever... imply in any way that I am not myself autistic when I have lived with it more than twice as long as you have and I have been suicidal, given multiple medications, hospitalized, and incorrectly diagnosed a dozen times. Growing up, I was beaten, picked on, and taken advantage of. I have been single most of my life, had only one friend ever, and then my life was completely turned around by finally being told I had Asperger's and I no longer wanted to die every day. Then, after finally knowing what had been wrong, I have received more hateful and prejudicial responses to it than I ever did from being gay. My favorite aunt will no longer speak to me. So I will not have my brain and my entire lifetime experience questioned by you just because I made some clear-headed comments about your petty bad date, which to you equals "everyone is SO unfair to me."

Bite me.

Last edited by dyingofpoetry on 25 Jul 2010, 3:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

Higher IQ's than who? People with AS have normal IQ's.

People don't understand because people are people.

Most young women don't know what the f*ck aspergers is or care, if you're weird you're weird. If some guy acted weird around me and told me he had aspergers that wouldn't make me like him any more than I would if he didn't.

I try to keep people aware of aspergers (Through this mainly http://www.youtube.com/user/AspergersGirl) but some just can't cope with it.

Ignorance

I usually just tell people about it and if they still don't understand, I just tell them to read about it. Whenever I don't understand something, I try to learn about it, which is what I would encourage those people to do too.

Some people are under the impression that if someone avoids eye contact, they must be a sociopath. I find it difficult to make eye contact when I'm talking to other people, because it makes it really hard to focus on what I'm trying to say. Other behavior set of alarm bells in people's head as well, such as rocking back and forth. I try not to do that in front of other people, but sometimes, I'll start doing that without realizing I'm doing it.

I know that people think I'm weird, and some people are discomfited by it. I'm pretty much always nice to people. I actually tend toward "too nice," to cover up the gaps in my social skills. Some people are still put off by me, and very few people have any desire to pursue friendships with me. The few friends I have are all pretty strange themselves, in one way or another. The same goes for the romantic relationships I've had. People who are truly normal generally don't want to be bothered by me. At best, they make friendly small talk with me when I'm the only adult to talk to in the room. As soon as someone else comes in, however, they'll turn all their attention to a conversation with that other person, and find some way to shut me out of the conversation. Whenever I'm in an odd number group of people, it's almost guaranteed that everyone else will break into their little conversation pairs, and I'll be the odd one out. Any friendly attempts I make to join the conversation tend to be ignored. I act as nice and normal as I'm capable of acting, and most people still don't want much to do with me.

Thus, I wouldn't be so quick to assume that the OP was acting "like a douche." None of us were on that date. For all we know, the girl was put off by a mere lack of eye contact. There's not too much that can be done about that. Some people are put off by any differences. Unfortunately, describing AS won't help much. Some people still don't understand what AS is, others are laboring under the misconception that people with AS are essentially robots in human form, devoid of human traits such as emotion, humor or empathy. Thus, pulling the AS card isn't likely to help much. Your best bet may be to gravitate toward people who are somewhat "different" themselves in one way or another, as people who are a little odd themselves are less likely to be put off by differences. Unfortunately, that's the best advice I can offer, as I haven't managed to crack the code to social success.

I think the reason why a few people in this thread assumed he was being a douche or something because of the other thread he posted where he said how aspie women have it easier than aspie men and people in that thread also told him he will never have a relationship with that attitude.

Yes. This poster lashes out at other posters in pretty much every thread. I have no doubt he lashed out at this girl.

Pretty much. The posts in that topic make me reticent to believe that it was simply Aspie awkwardness here.