What should I say to people who judge my child?

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^This

Why don't you make some cards or something you can hand out to people...I'm thinking about doing that...I think it would be easier on everyone...ie. I tend to not be so nice when I see something like that, so I'd rather give them a card and keep my mouth shut cause instead of "he's autistic", I'd say, "he's autistic you ahole..." so, I think a card might be better...good luck, I feel for you...been there many times...

it's not about what you say to them, but what you say to him that will truly make the difference.

By wanting to say something to them, you're trying to gain their acceptance, and you're wasting your time.

You won't gain their acceptance, and neither will he...and to be fair, why would you even want to?

Pay attention to what your son does enthusiastically, and encourage him to keep doing it. The right people will appreciate his passion and contributions in his field

I kinda agree but also disagree with the last post - You are not necessarily asking for acceptance from the NTs. You are also, one person at a time, educating them about ASDs (if you give them a card) but you are also letting them them know that they should not be so quick to judge a person/situation. This is always a good thing to teach!!

Most people aren't really trying to be mean - they just judge too much and incorrectly. And remember that NTs may not be all that "normal" either - they may be depressed and irritable, they may be extremely stressed by their job or no job, they may not be very smart, they may be mentally ill, etc. Don't be too quick to judge them all as %#@holes, either! (At least try - though I am sure a few are!)

I have to mostly disagree with this; if they're gonna judge the kid immediately, yes they completely are @$$holes; I've had many "fantasies" about educating those who hurt me in the past about it; I assure you in general it does nothing.

Those who want to be educated and truly care more about it will indicate to you that they do.

I still think you should help him to learn social skills, though. While he probably won't ever have impeccable social skills, he still needs them. Just letting him act however he wants isn't going to help him.

I don't think social skills will help all that much either; I recommend letting him focus more on what he's good at.

Reason being: do you really think no matter what we're taught regarding social skills our execution is even half-decent? Cause I sure as hell don't.

I say I'd rather be great & be accomplished at my actual trade, then totally half-assed at something my brain isn't programmed for anyway.

People are naturally judgmental of any child who acts up in public. They assume the parents are terrible and unable to control the child and hasn't taught the child any manners but instead "let their children run wild and free".

The problem is impressing on these idiots that YOUR child is NOT like the undisciplined brats that run rampant without their parents so much as lifting a finger. You really can't blame people for how they react; they CANNOT tell the difference between a child that is being wilfully belligerent (or destructive) and one who can't help it because of something like autism.

Heheh, that's what I would say, too

I remember when I was a child and I was getting really upset over something (I don't exactly remember what it was- i think it was something to do with halloween). There was this woman who saw me and (thinking that she was being really clever) she said "I have a neice who is 3 and behaves better than this". My mother was furious, but she said nothing and I can't blame her- its difficult to know what to say or what to do.

I think that you should calmly tell the person to keep their comments to themselves because they know nothing about your child if they keep bothering you. I think you should teach your son why others might percieve him to be rude or badly behaved, but also let him know that most people are not very understanding or accomodating so f**k them (or if you can find a nicer way of saying this, then that instead).

Good luck.

Social skills are still important; it's better to have mediocre social skills than none at all. Unless you're going to pull a JD Salinger and live as a hermit, you need to learn how to interact with people on a basic level.

This kid needs to learn how to behave in public so he doesn't get arrested or get kicked out of shops. He can't use Asperger's as a crutch his entire life.

Just be very, very, very careful with that assessment. I was taught long ago that children often imitate their parents; so I'm partially surprised to hear yours aren't imitating you.

I don't use Autism as a crutch either; in fact, whenever I'm out I barely interact with people, other than when I need assistance in a store, or when my purchase is being rung up.

However, what you may consider 'how to behave in public" may not be what the public you're seeking approval from looks on it as.

Just be careful, and have some idea of what you're getting yourself into. I fear heading into the territory of "conformity" here is all I'm saying....

And don't think for five minutes my family didn't want me doing that; and even when I tried to an extent, it still wasn't enough.

Y'know why? Because I still wasn't acting exactly like they wanted me to. In fact, the only time my Grandma was happy with my "performance" was when I was doped up on Ritalin.

Remember that.

There is a middle ground between "conforming all the time" and "acting out in public to the point where people constantly complain about your behavior."

Good, at least you're taking that into consideration; I didn't know exactly where you stood on all of that. I certainly understand that.

What I was trying to say was that it sounds like the kid in the OP has gotten to the point where his behavior is negatively affecting those around him, and thus he needs to learn how to behave in public.

Tell them that you love your son, just as he is, and that the two do things, because he enjoys being with you. You can also tell them to mind their own business and that they're not exactly the most perfect specimens on Earth.

You've already said that earlier in the thread.

If you're trying to respond to what I said, then just do it directly. You don't need to be passive-aggressive.