Do you feel like an outsider, even here at Wrong Planet?

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For most of the time I feel like I belong here. But there are times where I feel like an outsider on certain topics. I do feel good that so many of you have appreciated my view of looking at the positives in our autism. I regard autism in the philosophy that it can bring us gifts, and that it is a "difference," not a "disorder."

Sometimes but only when I'm getting ganged up on by trolls. That hasn't happened in a week or two so that's good. *knocks on wood*

Yes, but I don't see it as a problem, it's just normal to me to be outside. I'm being me, in the same way I am anywhere else. Perhaps there isn't 'connection', but there is at least a purpose in communication, which can be hard to find elsewhere. There is a large pool of thought here and I really appreciate experiencing it.

Perhaps the times where there is some sense of community here emphasise the lack of it in real life, and the times where there is antagonism here make everything seem much worse?

I feel like I'm just muddling along somewhere in the middle. I've been around a while, so some people recognise me and the number of posts does seem to count when it comes to being taken seriously (a while back I had a second profile (mod approved) and had a few rude responses by members who had not been around as long as my second profile- the same members became a lot more pleasant when I regained the use of this one).

This place is very fickle though, probably due to the high turnover of active members; if you don't post for say a week or two, you get forgotten quite easily.

I don't really care though. There are enough 'does anyone here like me?' threads around to tell me that I'm not the only one who's not in a clique and that, strangely enough, makes me feel welcome.

No, I don't feel like an outsider or an insider. I just feel like there are people here who understand where I'm coming from in terms of experience. I have a certain affection for lots of members, even if I've never PM'd with them - like it's comforting just to see the same people over and over and to see them say things that are kind or thoughtful. I like everyone here, even if I'm not close to them. I don't feel left out or anything like that. And I do feel something of a connection with other regulars.

I always enjoy reading your thoughtful posts. I even seek them out. But I understand that feeling visible in real life is not the same as on the internet.

I would like to feel like I belong to a group, but in the past when I have sought it out, both in person and online, I only crashed and burned, and now I feel afraid to expose myself to a similar situation.

As far as feeling like I fit in here on WP, I don't know. There are some posts I can relate to and many that I cannot. It feels a bit like the blind leading the blind. We are all trying to figure out things that we don't know, but asking each other is just asking other people who don't have the answers either. Still, I appreciate the dialogue.

well, thank you. that is nice to know. i enjoy yours as well.

i think out in the real world i am just feeling old, and too tired to explain. when i was younger i was on an eternal quest to find my people, whoever they might be, and scoured the earth, and came up blank. i have enjoyed knowing some people, but - connection or not? so many red herrings. maybe i am not capable of it. this is the closest thing to what i was looking for, anyway.

i never think anyone's listening, but that is part of the beauty of it.

All the bleeping time. But I know people don't see me as an outsider.

plus one.

I feel different here all the time and feel I don't relate. I feel that way about everyone, NTs, preggers, aspies, everyone.

The only places I feel I fit in are the autism groups I attend

Aye.

I've still got that fresh "new member smell"

I only recently came across the subject of aspergers and it was a classic "aha!" moment. After reading quite a few posts here, it looks like a lot of people here share my weird sense of humor among many other things.

This is a good thread.

It is all about what we decide is our own definition. All of us belong amongst each other because we are all human beings. No one has any special right over anyone else. It is a false belief that anyone is superior, entitled to anything different than anyone else. We belong whether we think we do or not or anyone thinks we do or not.

And we will never belong to any special group. We are no more alike than a sheppard is to a beagle. They are dogs and that is all. Nothing can change they are dogs any more than we can change we are human beings. It is only the belief that anyone matters more than anyone else. It isn't true, we all matter the same.

And regardless of what we need to think to not feel alone, none of us share anything except our membership in the human race. Even when we stand side by side and fight the same war a different set of mechanisms inside each of us is experiencing this life. We can believe we relate but in definition it is not possible. The closest we can achieve is similar, but never the same.

Hence belong vs. by definition, always alone.

Last edited by alone on 11 Sep 2010, 11:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

yes i feel like an outsider because i am an outsider.

it is not anyone's fault. it is the result of my disposition to divorce myself from other's acceptance automatically.

i have not the capacity for sustained reciprocation, and therefore i rarely respond to replies to my posts in a way that facilitates continuing dialogue.

there have been many times where people reply to my posts, and those replies do not inculcate any instinctive reaction in me.

it is like playing a game on the computer, and a message comes up that says "good work!". i do not feel personally gratified by that response because, by default, i do not feel any sense of connection with the people who may read what i write .

it is like throwing pieces of confetti with small sentences written on them from a high flying plane to the ground over a foreign country. some people may pick up the bits of paper after a time, and read, and say "hmmm i would like to reply to that", but when they look up, the plane has long gone.

now that analogy may seem condescending, but i do not intend it to be.
i could easily redesign the analogy to seem the opposite.

the opposite but equal analogy would be:

it is like scribbling messages and stuffing them into bottles that i release from my deeply submerged submarine to let them float up and bob on the surface to be later retrieved by people on their pleasure craft that ply the surface. they may read the messages and think "hmm i would like to reply to that", but my submarine is gone by then.

even if they reply immediately, in the case that i am on a plane, they can not throw their replies so high that i can catch them, and in the case of the submarine, they can not plunge their messages so deep that i could catch them before they rise back to the surface where i do not inhabit.

what i say is that i have made no friends on this site because i do not respond to initial replies in any other way than a just cursory acknowledgment usually.

i have not the capacity for valid sustained reciprocal communication that fosters fruitful relationships with people.

but it is ok. i am glad i am allowed to post here, and i post usually in isolation of sentiment from any other sentiment here.

i never read every reply to a thread before i post what i want to say, and i just seem to crash my preformed vessel of ideas into my posted reply and then i forget most often that i replied and i do not perceive that i was ignored anymore.

i am glad i am not strangled by popularity, or by people urging me to join in.
i like to skim the surface like a satellite that bounces on and off the upper atmosphere in a gently subtle way. if i was to dig in too deep, then i would be committed to entry and i would burn up like a shooting star.

sometimes i say things that dig in to a point that i am unhappy about, but usually the result is that i bounce away to a greater distance and arc over the situation until gravity draws me back.

never will i land because i would be destroyed before i felt the ground of public reality.
good grief i will stop with my awful analogical tirade.


anyway, i have employed metaphors to say what would take so much longer to say without them. i am not crazy and i seldom resort to metaphors to the extent that i have in this post.

I get what you mean about feeling ignored, but I don't think people really do it intentionally. I didn't realize that you felt that way. I always notice who posts what and if someone new comes in, but I don't always address them or respond to previous posts. I do read them though. Maybe a lot of people do that....?

Moog, what kind of connection are you looking for? Like common interests? I don't think I fully understand.

I have all the aspie traits except for eye contact and facial expressions. But those two are very un-aspie like. Basically IRL and on the web, I felt outside of everyone, even people with the same diagnosis as me, I just behave differently.

Even when I walk and I see a reflection of myself, I hold out my arms in a strange manner and don't swing them and have a weird positioning of my fingers and my mouth open. Plus I walk with my feet at a 45 degree angle. I keep thinking people walking past me can tell there is something seriously wrong with me. I also see it in videos of me... something off.