I get a splitting headache after a meltdown, and I also feel very guilty for causing an atmosphere for my family, and also I feel embarrassed because if I have a meltdown in front of my younger cousins they might become a little frightened of me. I also feel embarrassed because my next door neighbours have probably heard shouting and swearing, and they will soon gather that it's me who is a ''mental person'' (even though I'm not, but they wouldn't know that).
Also I feel awkward, because I've made everyone feel cross with me and I don't quite know when to come back out of my room and what impressions to make to my family. Once I tried saying sorry, but they just said, ''go away, Josie! I don't want to talk to you!'' And I wonder when this hostile atmosphere I created will ever end. It's worse when I've got over the meltdown and atmosphere and I'm ready to apologize to everyone again and they are still mad at me, especially if it runs into the next day.
They all think I'm angry at them when I have a meltdown, but I'm not angry at them at all. I'm angry at myself. That's the whole point of the meltdown. I never, ever touch objects either - I leave everything out of my meltdowns, and just pretend I'm in a bubble where I can't touch anything or anyone, only myself. Then nothing gets destroyed, and nobody gets hurt. So my family should be lucky I don't beat them up and smash the place up in my meltdowns.
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Female