Have you ever been physically or sexually abused?

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That kind of stuff makes me see horrible red. I think I just hate seeing people take advantage of an imbalance in power, whether it's physical, psychological, emotional, etc. I can only ever relate to or feel for the underdog in any situation.

I still do not get it. I do not know how many times I was just sitting there minding my own bussiness then out of the blue I am tormented or assaulted. I am not off to the side by myself, I am not talking about special intrests to people who do not want to hear them, or talking non-stop to someone who is not intrested. They just pick up on a vibe or something. Just like when I go across the boarder to Toronto and I get bothered by the homeless street people. They are not mean to me they just want to talk to me or touch me. Creeepy its like I give off some sort of scent or energy only picked up by bullies or the deranged.

I understand what wavefreak is saying, but it usually takes them some time to sniff me out. I don't just have people walk up to me and mess with me, fortunately.

I was locked in the bathroom and slapped around when I was five years old. That's all I remember and I can remember hiding in my parents closet whenever the nanny be at my house. And for years I blamed myself for causing my brother to get stitches on his forehead because we were both playing and I pushed him off the couch and he hit his head on the fireplace and my dad had to take him to the hospital. He came back with stitches. Yeah my dad was always home when she was there but he worked in his office and didn't know what went on in our house and even my uncle was there too but because he knew nothing about raising kids, he didn't even know what the nanny was doing was abuse. And he couldn't figure out why my brother and I were always hiding upstairs in the closet. To this day, my brother still has that scar on his head. But when I was 11 or 12,my mom told me it wasn't my fault because the nanny took the blanket off the fireplace and she had it there to protect us but the nanny just chose to take it off and then she blamed it on me for the accident.

And I was bullied a lot growing up until we moved to Montana. I was never psychically bullied but in 6th grade, these boys started to spit at me and it may have gotten psychical if we stayed living there. The bullying was worse by 6th grade.

Then there is sexual assault and I learned to not ever let a strange man feel my belly. I never told anyone nor my husband. Too embarrassing and I won't go into any details. I was scared for a few days when I go for my walk and then I got over it. One time on the bus I thought I saw that same man again and thank goodness it wasn't him. If it was, I might have been scared and wanted to get off the bus but wouldn't be able too or else I'd be late for work. What's weird was when I thought I saw him, those feelings came back and then I was happy it was someone else. I felt relieved and happy all of a sudden going "thank goodness."

In second grade I have had a few boys walk up to me and touch me and when we moved to Montana, a few girls would block my eye sight and I thought I was getting bullied so I started shoving them to get them to be afraid of me so they leave me alone. But they only did it to get me to notice them, not to be mean and because of the past bullying I got, I thought they were bullying me so I defended myself. But I didn't know I was the bully and got put in the resource room for my behavior issues. I thought they put me in there to protect me from the other kids. Same as when I got a aid. Not really bullying I got there but that's how I perceived it then and I had to get over it. Then I was better. But it took me years to accept I was the bully. Yep victims can turn into bullies due to PTSD and bad experiences but to their point of view, they are defending themselves and sticking up for themselves and when they get called a bully, they are just going to think people call them one for defending themselves because they don't like it when they do it so they call them a bully for it.

Once in high school, someone hid my Harry Potter book and I spent 20 minutes looking for it and another time I was in pottery and I was using the hair dryer to dry the paint and someone managed to hide it from me too. I don't know if that was bullying or some practical joke they played but I didn't think it was funny and it made me angry. I thought it was mean and the fact no one would tell me where it went. Maybe that was bullying they did. And when I was eight, these bullies in my neighborhood would sometimes gather in my friends yard who lived behind me and they all start throwing pine cones over the fence at me. It happened about three or four times and then they stopped. I think it was because my mom complained to the parents and they didn't like her showing up on their door step so they had their kids stop doing it. I can remember my mom telling me how their parents hated her coming over and complain about their kids. And a few times one of them would throw a pine cone at me and one time he claimed he hit me at the back of my neck and I said he did not and he said I have no brains up there so I didn't feel it. I am thinking now I didn't feel it because I was hyposensitive? Or maybe he thought he got me but didn't.

Yes

Yes to the original questions. I did not read every post.

I have only very sketchy memories of when I was 17. What I do remember from that year, and specifically of my foster father, is a nightmare. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, and my therapists & doctors say I have all the signs of someone who was sexually abused, but blocked the memories.

I got hit with the belt like most kids of my generation. Not really abuse--though it's not really good.

I got beat up a few times in bullying incidents.

When I was 18, I was given marijuana, then went to a guy's house, where he forced himself upon me. Dry humping. Another time, he did the same thing in the street.

I semi-consented, at age 17, to a guy penetrating me anally. That taught me that I was straight, not gay.

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: Generic, but detailed.


My father was extremely abusive. We would be spanked, bare hand at first, then with belts, spoons, once a 2x4 (although that didn't actually hurt, it was more for intimidation-although it didn't work for ME, it terrified my mom). It was a rarity to be hit once at a time. 5 times and up was more usual. On two occasions, I was spanked over 100 times in one setting. Several times I had bruising, and he prided himself on the types of marks different kitchen spoons would leave, and what they sounded like when they were swung at us. Just after I turned 18, he beat me bad enough that sitting was painful, and I didn't speak to anyone for two days at school except once-but that made me shake and cry, so I didn't talk after that.
He was mentally abusive, using 'gas lighting', sleep deprivation, outright insults, threat of religious consequence and blackmail. He emotionally abused us, alternating loving situations with blame and anger, sometimes in a couple hours time. By the time my mom kicked him out, he had started using his own suicide as a controlling influence in our lives. He threw plates, mugs, cups, silverware, and stainless steel stove grates, never actually hitting anyone, but missing by mere inches. Furniture, walls, doors, bikes, cars, glass, and more were broken in his rage.
This was all our fault, of course. He never outright sexually abused me, but he was overly suggestive and explanatory, and I knew the technical workings of reproduction long before my peers. (I supposedly explained it all to a friend when we were 9). He would also explain why he and my mom were fine in their marriage based off of their bedroom life when I was 12-16. (I didn't realize how inappropriate this was until talking to a therapist in my adult years). I didn't sever that relationship until I was 27 (maybe 29?), and there was a very difficult period of adjustment after this. My mom (ex-step mom) was granted a restraining order that was held in effect for 16 years.

My biological-mother is severely manipulative and cold. The only affection she would show was usually to get something her way. She was only slightly better than my father with her manipulations. She also reported my husband and I to DYFS when my daughter was 4, with 20+ unfounded charges. We have had no contact with her since then.

My only solace is that, although my daughter knew and suffered from them (albeit mildly), my son, and any future children will never have to suffer in kind.

It seemed normal until my daughter started getting older, and I realized what I would do if someone touched her with a small degree of the severity that my father used to 'discipline' us.

I was sexually abused by a male babysitter, but the only other types of abuse I've endured were emotional and verbal abuse by my ex-husband. If I didn't get out of that marriage when I did, that abuse certainly would have turned physical.

Yes.
I think I've been abused in every way possible.
It's terrifying that the most depraved people are often to be found in your own family.