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Unable to say things

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Natty_Boh
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29 Dec 2010, 12:59 am

vetwithAS wrote:
Natty_Boh wrote:
vetwithAS wrote:
I find it insanely hard to talk about anything important or personal if I don't know how what I have to say will be received. The words are being screamed in my mind and not one peep comes out of my mouth.


I've learned to circumvent this - to act as though the topic is something wholly unrelated to me, that I'm having a nice, calm, clinical discussion about. It's completely impersonal but it works. If there's too much pressure, though, or no time to ease into character, nothing comes out.


I've never understood how people can't see straight through the whole "so I know this guy who has this issue" kinda thing.


No - if I tried that, they'd know right away, every time. :) I mean that I close off any internal importance to the topic, if that makes sense? It could be the most personal topic in the world, but I've completely disassociated myself emotionally. If it's not "me", or important to me, the reaction I get does not therefore matter.



vetwithAS
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29 Dec 2010, 1:17 am

Natty_Boh wrote:
vetwithAS wrote:
Natty_Boh wrote:
vetwithAS wrote:
I find it insanely hard to talk about anything important or personal if I don't know how what I have to say will be received. The words are being screamed in my mind and not one peep comes out of my mouth.


I've learned to circumvent this - to act as though the topic is something wholly unrelated to me, that I'm having a nice, calm, clinical discussion about. It's completely impersonal but it works. If there's too much pressure, though, or no time to ease into character, nothing comes out.


I've never understood how people can't see straight through the whole "so I know this guy who has this issue" kinda thing.


No - if I tried that, they'd know right away, every time. :) I mean that I close off any internal importance to the topic, if that makes sense? It could be the most personal topic in the world, but I've completely disassociated myself emotionally. If it's not "me", or important to me, the reaction I get does not therefore matter.


I can only detach myself like that in certain situations, and generally not when I'm involved and I've not yet fully developed the ability to do it at will. Part of my problem I know is that I hate making things awkward to the point I'd say I fear making things awkward with my thoughts or comments. The more personal the subject, the greater the possible awkwardness. I tend to keep most people at arms length as a result but there are times I feel drawn to trying to make a more personal connection. Case in point: there was a girl at work who I really liked more than I could put into words. It took me a good 2 months to decide that, yes, I should ask her out. Then it took me another 3 months to actually do it and even then I barely got it out. And it wasn't like this was someone I barely knew or rarely talked to. We spoke daily and I'd actually gotten mildly comfortable discussing stuff from outside of work in our personal lives.