My Husband has Aspergers.... HELP

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That's weird because I'm pretty sure I gave a link to that book in my previous post.

Last edited by Jediscraps on 29 Dec 2010, 10:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, you did.

People should do their research on Maxine Aston - she's not even properly qualified and her biased and aggressive attitude towards AS males is extremely damaging and misleading.

Yeah, I thought she was a little damaged myself. I had my wife read this book first and after I read it I asked her to please disregard most of it.

Good call

Well, I was just saying there's books on NT/AS relationships.

I didn't know.

No worries, Jedi, I'm sure you meant well.

Also thanks SearchforSerenity for the links.

I hope the OP returns to the thread now that things got a bit more friendly.

I have only read a half dozen books so far, with another dozen or so queued up on my Amazon account (yes, since learning I have Asperger's a few months ago the condition is now my special interest) but so far the best advice I can give as far as book go on this subject is to read Chapter 13 of Tony Atwood's "Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome". It's short, but great.

First of all, I am sorry the issues got to the point where your children don't like him anymore, but maybe there is still hope, especially if he cares about them.

You don't give much details tho so its difficult to tell what the issues are exactly, other then smoking pot and the rude comments. And it would be good if you could give us some examples of the "rude comments" you mentioned too. What you perceive as rude may be just him telling you the truth without "sugarcoating" it, which is typical of at least some of us, and he possibly doesn't even realise his comments are rude. Just look at how some of us reacted to your message, eventho you didn't intend to be rude.

Some of the issues may be caused by stress too, could be something at work, or just due to being somewhat newlywed and stepdad ... maybe these issues wouldn't normally be so noticeable, and will become more bearable/less obvious after a few more months, because stress can sometimes cause some issues to get worse then they usually would be. It is also possible that feeling more comfortable with you he thinks he can be himself more then before.

Also did you know he was smoking pot before you got married? if not, I can imagine how surprising it may have been, especially if he smokes as much as you said (note: this is not a "characteristic" of AS).

One thing for sure is that you would need to have a good conversation with him about all these issues, maybe it would clear some things up.

Anyway, I am probably not helping much, but maybe if you give us more details about specific issues we could come up with more ideas.

p.s. I am a stepmom and Aspie, and I care about my stepson as if he was my own (my husband always says "your son" when he talks about him to me).

Last edited by Shadi2 on 30 Dec 2010, 12:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

I find it funny how some people responding want the OP to divorce a guy for being "Addicted" to marijuana. Weed does not work that way

Some autistics do the same with MDMA (Ectasy). It makes them neurotypical-esque for a period of time......



Im guessing that was because he had a lot more time alone to do his own stuff/wasnt LIVING WITH YOU ALL THE TIME.

EDIT: fixed prefix

Actually, if they're referring to psychological addiction, yeah, it can. Just like gambling addictions and other addictions and bad habits that don't involve physical tolerance, people can become addicted to marijuana not because they would go through withdrawal if they stopped, but because they've gotten into the habit and integrated it into their life. It's the psychological addiction that's really the tougher part to break anyhow--the physical addiction is just a matter of tapering off and/or toughing it out (plenty of people are physically addicted but not psychologically addicted to painkillers after surgery, and have no long-term abuse problems after they taper off the medication; the difference between them and the long-term addictions is that the long-term issue includes a psychological addiction, not just physical tolerance).

I smoked weed for anxiety from age 13-18 everyday and managed to quit 6 months before going into army basic training. I started back when I got out of basic training so once or twice a week when I got out so age 18-25 without becoming addicted. If I lived in California or Alaska I would be high everyday. Its the only way I feel comfortable around NTs. I also notice I do not seem to get picked on when I was high. Weird.

I say he smokes all that weed to be able to deal with his wife without having a meltdown.

1.You wrote that he was being rude, that is a way of being mean.
2.You wrote that when you first got married he was not showing any symptoms, but now he was and that was an issue. I wondered what symptoms would be so horrible to live with that they'll be such a big issue. But i could have expressed myself a little better, sorry.
3. If you had logged on a christian website and made a post called ''My husband is a christian... HELP''. Than people on that website would have felt singled out and insulted for being christians.
I may have got a little carried away, and i'm sorry if you felt insulted. The thing is, they are a lot of people on this website who are depressed because they believe no one will ever love them and accept them, and this kind of posts don't really makes thing better.

I smoked cannabis everyday for years, and likewise personally knew/know many,many people who also did so. I have never known anyone who had the slightest problem with stopping whenever they wished, or with any issue thereafter. It is possible I suppose, that there are addictive personalities who may find it a problem, though I have never met one. I would have thought they would have found something else (such as alcohol) if they had not found cannabis, so it is incorrect to blame the drug in such circumstances.

Having said all of that - It is (was) great to smoke when you are single, or don't have to hold down a job or have any significant responsibilities, BUT personally I don't think it is conducive to a healthy long term relationship because the person who is stoned is idle and not always easy to communicate with.