Personal doubts

Post Reply New Topic

Yeah, I hear you. Mine started in December.

I thought I was improving but I tried to socialize and found that I had more trouble socializing than previously. And my sensitivities are still increased.

Last edited by Verdandi on 24 Feb 2011, 5:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

For ToughDiamond (and anyone else that might be interested) The open EEG project was what I was thinking of yesterday. http://openeeg.sourceforge.net/doc/

Looks like a project and a half though!

Thanks for the link.......yes they do look complicated don't they?

Ooh, that's interesting.

I can very much relate to this. And it really is how you say, I'm normal to me. I've gone through life so far just fine. That is, I struggle with a lot of things, but I haven't managed to starve myself or kill myself in a car wreck. I knew I had difficulty with some things, but it didn't really occur to me that it was outside the range of "normal". I figured everyone struggled and some were just better at learning to deal with it, or that I was just too lazy to be bothered. I was oblivious my whole life that I was that different from others, until I lost a friend just a few years ago who proceeded to tell me exactly what I did that was annoying and/or too weird to tolerate. It was only at that point that I began to question whether something was wrong with me. And even then, I wrote it off as him being too intolerant for quite some time after that.

At the moment I waver between doubting and feeling really frustrated that people expect me to do things that are really difficult for me to do but are nothing to them.

Same for me.

For many years, I was completely perplexed by why groups of people would suddenly and uniformly develop a dislike for me. At times, it literally happened overnight. I also noticed that nobody wanted to do anything with me. I had no idea why. As far as I knew, I was normal. It was only when people told me that some of my habits were really annoying that I began to understand that I was different. Even then, my first reaction was that they were overly sensitive. It was only with time that I began to realize that I was different, and that I had to modify my behavior in order to stop annoying people.

The thing is that I had heard some of this before, but I didn't realize that it might be true, until someone bothered to explain it nicely. Before that, it was just verbal abuse. If they had just corrected me nicely, if they had explained the way that others thought, that was all that I needed.

I think that is part of the challenge of AS. You are just different enough to be considered "weird", but you are not different enough to get the assistance that you need.

Huh, interesting. I don't have any issue describing myself as autistic. I do have what seem to me to be significant problems (although not the most severe ever, by far not), but it's more I don't see a distinction between AS and autism beyond those arbitrarily chosen for diagnostic purposes. Of course, I base this on research papers and texts, so there may be elements I am missing.



Yeah, I relate to that a lot. I tend to lose track of most friends before they reach the point of reading me the riot act on all the things they hate me for but never bothered to mention before reaching the final straw. It has happened on a few occasions (especially with roommates). Most of my hints were more subtle and usually immediately prompted me to think of autism and then immediately reject it.



Yeah, in school I would make friends early in the school year and they'd turn on me within days, with no explanation as to why. I didn't really understand what was going on and their explanations made no sense, if they made explanations at all.

I've had this happen with roommates as well. One day everything would seem fine to me, but the next I was a horrible person and needed to find a new place to live. I didn't understand at the time what was going on, although it made me increasingly wary about finding new roommates. Only twice have I not been kicked out for reasons that were completely unclear to me. The other two times - once I left voluntarily (which was a mistake, as my roommate at the time was the only roommate who was willing to talk to me and be open so I knew what was going on - and I left to move into an abusive relationship). The other time the house I lived in was sold. The previous owner seemed to think, actually, that I didn't like him when the fact is I found him pretty agreeable and friendly, and thought we got along well.

I've lost a lot of friends for reasons opaque to me, and a few friends for reasons I was able to figure out on my own (blurting the absolutely wrong thing ever).

I always knew I was different and things were strange and confusing to me, but it wasn't until I was an adult that I started to realize how truly differently I perceive the world. I still get that what the heck is wrong with me feeling.
Examples include:
A lot of clinical severe depression and anxiety problems
Alexithymia problems
anhedonia sometimes
mild faceblindness
asexual
skin sensitivites
social cluelessness
spend more time than most trying to organize my life
have difficulty with change, that's not planned in advance

yeah, I am a mess, and I try my best to understand myself