Passive verses Aggressive Aspies

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, very much so.

Not diagnosed so I can't speak to that. I have wondered if it would make it harder to be assessed accurately, though.

I've actually used that exact way of putting it ("imploding" rather than "exploding") before. I think helped keep me from ending up in front of school counselors or shrinks (and also my parents hatred of psychologists/psychiatrists) and being labeled a "problem kid."

Even now, it's very rare that I meltdown where (or such that) anyone sees it. In my teen years (when various things were getting bad) I remember laying in bed pounding my fists against my head in the dark, on many nights. There was a lot going on at the time but I no one ever knew.

I'm not sure how much of not seeking out other people to talk to about difficulties was intrinsic, though. Some of it, I think, was from receiving too much 'bad empathising.' (I.e. "you feel like like what? I don't get that. That's ridiculous.")

I don't recall any increased aggressiveness (toward others, anyway) during adolescence, though my thoughts were pretty aggressive at the time.

As far as having emotions, holy cr*p, a lack has rarely been a problem, though I suspect I come off as subdued, flat, or a bit "Spock-like" (and I don't like being identified with Spock).

Some of lists of "female autistic" traits often strike me as being at least partly about this kind of difference (passive vs. aggressive), rather than being strictly about being male or female.

Sorry, I didn't get what you said, were you agreeing or disagreeing with me?

Tiffinity.

I was agreeing with you. In both cases, I think that people just came up with something from their own head, and tried to apply it to me.

Oh, and I don't know if it got in the way of my diagnosis or not. I really think most of what got in the way of my diagnosis is my age. If I were born in the past ten years, I would have been diagnosed with autism in infancy or very early childhood. But since I was born in 1980, I was diagnosed at 14. I don't think that these days my passivity would have made any difference in diagnosis, I had a lot of really obvious issues really early.

Yep, exactly.
All those wasted years when it could and should have been caught and better handled. My old school reports are full of the "quiet and studious" and "has difficulties in concentrating" stuff too. The indicators were already clear but no-one had the eyes to see them.
My parents, bless 'em, had no clue whatever and I was just "difficult" or "fussy" and all those frustrations and difficulties I had burned themselves inwards.
They never did know about my self-harm experiments with razor blades but maybe if I'd thrown a few tantrums instead, things would have been different.

I simply couldn't get visibly, externally aggressive - I didn't know how, even in situations where I probably should (self-preservation against bullies, etc.) and the adult version of lacking that basic drive/ability/whatever is still present: in controlled, slow-release doses it's known as 'standing your ground' or 'being assertive'.
The nearest I get to it is being angry about some situation or reaction from someone else but it quickly self-limits because I just choke up and grind to a halt.

Nope; still passive and still can't 'do' aggression in any form.

I have actually qualities of both passive and aggressive. Most of the time, I am passive. My sister thinks I am a saint for taking care of my mom when she is so ill. Inwardly, I am crushed, stressed, angry, and burnt out. but most of the time I keep it inside untill...I boil over, then I get aggressive but most on my violence is dirrected on myself. I have a rather gentle nature and am not easily shocked or suprised. But every side of me has an equal and opposite side...it is hard to explain

Yeah I am more sheldony. Very outspoken. but not so much interested in Science stuff. I hate being passive as I cant keep anything inside, I feel like i am about to explode. I am an extrovert though have tended towards obnoxiousness as some aspie extroverts are. I spend a lot of time trying not to come out as obnoxious or trying to say the right thing or acceptable thing, but it is so draining.

I am mostly passive.

I used to be mostly passive up to about the age of 10, then I realised that sometimes it pays to be outspoken. At least people are more likely to leave you alone. I stopped being bullied around that time too.
Encouraged by this, between the ages of 12 and 19 I experienced a very loud phase during which I was alternating between being your regular 'insufferable know-it-all' and trying to fit in by doing what NTs do at this age but without sense of limits. I made most of my greatest social blunders in that period.
Ever since, I've been toning down slowly so I expect that I'd be back at my childhood passivity level around the age of 40. At present, I am quiet and would rather withdraw than make a stand unless I have to emulate NT display or unless my own interests or the interests of someone close to me are seriously breached.
I am still an insufferable know-it-all though, truly Sheldony but I need to be induced into it.

Last edited by Severus on 03 Mar 2011, 9:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

Actually when I was a kid, I was passive, but the older I've got as an adult the more aggressive I've become.
I was never a "problem" growing up either and never got into a fight. As an adult I am more outspoken. I am a lot more outspoken now at age 38 then I was at 28. I predict the trend will continue. As a kid I was passive because I was afraid of the world.
I don't know if this makes any sense.

I'm what you could consider aggressive, but I've worked quite hard on being "nicer", ie. not forcing my views and ideas on others, interrupting, gloating etc.

When I was a kid it was my way or no way. The other kids would often get scared and run to their mommy When I hit my teens, I became more passive when it comes to relationships, but could still be arrogant and aggressive. As said, around the age of 20 I came to the conclusion that now is a good time to start working on myself.

I don't talk much with people I don't know well. The trying to be normal part makes interaction a real pain, but often it's worth it. I've come to realize that sometimes regular people may actually have something valuable to share. Sometimes I'm actually genuinely sorry for some things that I've said or done. Though I still don't shy away from confrontation. I try to keep in mind that my views are my views and others have a right to theirs. If I try, I can present things so that it's not the presentation part that offends people. This doesn't work nearly every time, but it's a whole lot better than before

I've always been passive: if something's bothering me, I never outright say it, I always just let it boil inside of me.

I'm passive aggressive.

For the most part I am extremely calm and laidback. I have a very long fuse.

But if someone wears down my fuse and I have had the last straw, I explode.

This thread fits my personality (passive, that is) to the ground. I can't read all of it right now because I've had a very irritating week and cannot concentrate but I will be back

Usually passive-aggressive doesn't mean "both passive and aggressive", it means that instead of getting angry at people directly, you do little subtle things to irritate them or sabotage their plans or something without confronting them directly or saying why you are doing it (or even admitting that you're doing it). I'm mostly passive, sometimes aggressive, but never passive-aggressive.