I really think I have AS!

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I'm not shy.

Are you saying Aspies are supposed to be shy?

Most of the Aspie info I've been reading says they're not shy. Am I wrong?

Again, I'm still learning. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong. Is it wrong to make a generalisation,and say "all Aspies will be shy" or "no, they won't be shy?" Maybe shyness is just dependent on your personality.

The way I think of myself is that other people wrongly think of me as shy, but I'm not.

My own defition of "shy" is probably someone who is too frightened to talk to people. That's not generally my motive for not talking. I am actually quite brave, and am generally the person who is nominated or pushed forward to go and confront somebody who needs facing up to. "I can't do it. I'm too scared. You go and do it for me, please all_white. Please."

That's the story of my life. I will happily walk up to any stranger and tell them what I think of them. I'm not afraid of being a spokesperson when it means standing up to an injustice.

My motive for not talking when I don't talk is that I simply don't want to.

Just brainstorming here. I'm trying to think of some reasons I don't always want to talk to people.

1. Too many people there all at once for me to be able to enter into any sort of meaningful conversation, without the distraction of background noise of all the other conversations.

2. Too little inclination to join in the boring stupid pointless small talk, that's all a waste of time, when I could be busy actually accomplishing something useful, by thinking privately inside my head.

3. Not really having anything to say at that moment in time.

This is a big one. I mean, if you genuinely don't have anything to say, why talk?

People who think I'm shy (based on a day they met me when I didn't have anything to communicate and was busy thinking) will then start to stare at me in amazement when the next day they meet me I will have something to say, and will talk and talk and talk enthusiastically for ages. I like talking. Conversations are fun. It's not that I don't like to talk. I just don't see the point of talking about nothing just for the sake of talking, when you could be thinking about something instead. I just think of conversations as verbalised thoughts that you decided needed to be shared with other people. Not all of my thoughts need to be shared. A lot of them are just for me.

What does everyone else think? Are Apies shy? Yea or no? Does it just depend on personality?

Please don't jump down my throat if I'm innocently hauling out yet another stereotype! I'm still learning.

Shyness is very common but not universal.

huntedman is right in many things stated in their post.

Don't be hatin' on them, just because they said the criteria you are using (or appear to be using judge on your posts) to judge yourself is not following proper diagnostic material. I don't think you should be so narky towards completely unloaded sentences because you are not hearing what you want to hear.

I think maybe they were highlighting it, like i have, because if you use PROPER diagnostic material, you may have a better chance at getting a referral AS WELL as understanding the condition in general, to start to self help before you go and receive further help after the diagnosis. Which I presume you would do, else there is really no reason to get diagnosed, having a label and only having a label wont do much to help, especially as it is so expensive for you.

I don't understand why you would want to a diagnosis if it is so costly, because surly you want a diagnosis to get help, but if the cost of getting diagnosed is so large, how would you be able to afford the subsequent visits to specialists to improve you way of life and to take control of your "Aspergers"?

If you can go into a GP and use diagnostic jargon, I feel that you would have a much better chance at fast tracking your referral, instead of going in and being like "I think I have Aspergers, but I am creative and touchy feel-y, which is like not what people with Aspergers have lol. "

When I was getting diagnosed we had to still pay quite a large amount of money, but as we deemed it important, we payed the money.

Australia really must be 'the lucky country,' we have many many world wide specialists on Aspergers and the Autism spectrum. I don't know if you may have heard of his name, but perhaps getting one of Tony Attwoods books, could be helpful. I know I found them helpful after I got my diagnosis as I was able to supplement what I learnt with my psychologist with tips from the book.

Todesking is also correct is stating that you are going to meet many others who question your diagnosis as it is not professionally done. And people will question you even more so if you are unable to state your feelings as to why you have Aspergers if you are unable to state your symptoms whilst following diagnostic criteria. If you have done so much research on the subject, I really do not understand why you presented the list of your 'symptoms' as proof of your Aspergers as you did.

Ah see that's why I didn't understand what you meant by 'get it checked," as 'getting a rant checked' makes no sense, especially seeing as it was not a rant, merely a post, that I thought you could benefit from. I did check the facts, but seeing as you used minimum amounts facts and statistics, it was rather hard to 'check' them.

I never said you were stupid, stop projecting.

One thing I've noticed among other autistic people is that most don't question me about the diagnostic criteria, and the stuff I have discussed tends to fall outside the explicit criteria while still being related to being autistic. I've found that what helped me understand that I have it isn't a strict symptom list but common experiences. When I can describe how my brain works and other autistic people say "That is exactly how I think, too," it seems kind of obvious.

I do fit the diagnostic criteria as well, although I didn't understand them as well when I started to research as I do now. I could not have explained in terms of the criteria for Asperger's Syndrome how I fit, but I could explain in terms of apparent traits and how I think. Now I can do both.

I want a diagnosis for financial reasons, so my benefits are secured, and for personal reasons, so that I can get my family to learn to treat me differently. Nothing else. Then I shall walk away.

If that is not relevant to how things work in Australia, please don't start lecturing me on how things work over there for you, because they're not relevant to me, OK? LOL

I have no wish to attend any further visits to specialists to "improve" my life or "take control" of my Aspergers. I don't want a cure; I don't see it as a disease. I am happy being the way I am. I don't want to change myself. Other people are the ones who need to change, to learn to accept me for the way I am, instead of bullying me all the time. And please don't start telling me about how that's not going to happen. You know nothing about my family.



Like I said I have already been to my GP and he is fine with the way I talk. Will you stop going on and on at me and telling me I ought to do things I have already done? LOL

Is that what's wrong with you? You want me to be using the jargon, instead of putting things into my own words? You want me to say I have "heightened sensory perception" and "exhibit socially-innappropriate behaviours such as desiring to be physically affectionate when it is not deemed socially appropriate?" You don't like me saying I am touchy-feely?

I can do that. I can talk like a dictionary. I've done my research. But I don't want to write an academic essay. And I don't want to turn into someone who uses so much jargon about my own condition that NTs who know nothing about it will be shut out of my life. So I was putting things into my own words. Words that ANYONE would understand. Not just Aspies.

Is that all that's wrong with you people? I'm not in the "in" crowd unless I talk the lingo? I am not accepted here unless I talk the talk?

Sheesh. Excuse me for being an individual.



Because I'm an individual.

I could have just come on here and posted a number.

I consistently got 42 out of 50 in one test, and 175 out of 200 in another.

Is that what you wanted to hear?

Telling someone your score reveals nothing what your answers were. You and I might both score 42, but via a different combination of answers. I wanted to talk about my answers, not my score. And I wanted to talk about them in my own way, not by copying and pasting someone else's questionnaire, but by talking about the things that I, as an individual, notice about my own self.

I am sorry that this appears to offend you. It's just the way I am.

I had that problem too. Even though I was already diagnosed. Part of it was that the way people wrote about autism was usually in a manner that looked at things from the outside and jumped to conclusions about us. I had no idea about that. I became more comfortable reading autistic people's perspectives despite the extreme variation. It felt closer to who I was than the descriptions by professionals. It took me a really long time to learn that the way people might perceive me from outside, and the conclusions they would draw, would be often what professionals would say about us in general.

I hope I made sense in all that I said here. Some aspect of language (can't tell which) is being affected by pain, and I don't know which aspect at all. One thing is that I keep typing sentences that have nothing to do with what I'm saying, and then I have to figure out where they are and delete them. Another thing is that my comprehension is wavering in and out. (And just wrote that one wrong 9 or 10 times too. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.)

Anbuend, what do you mean by saying some aspect of language is being affected by pain?

Pain?

Is something hurting? Did you have an accident? Hope you are OK.

Or do you just mean your AS is affecting your ability to communicate? I don't quite understand what you mean, but hope you are OK nonthelesss.

Yes, this. While I had the idea that I might be autistic from reading other autistic people (mostly you, I can't remember who else I read at the time), I didn't explore it for years afterward. When I finally did, I tried to read books about it and the diagnostic criteria and such, and it didn't help. I had to go back to the blogs and the forum and the autistic people I knew. And I mean, I knew better, but I felt like I had to look at this stuff to establish a baseline.

I am sure articles I had read over the years had put me off the idea I could be autistic, like one article that cited Kanner's quote about "obsession with the sameness of things." Like, I need things to remain the same in a lot of contexts in a way that I don't usually think about until they change and I get confused or upset, but I wasn't obsessed with it, it's just really disorienting and confusing. Or talking about stimming - I'd read descriptions of stimming and not really know what it meant, so I had to go to youtube and look for videos by autistic people and parents with autistic children to see what it was.

But yes, I learned nothing from professionals, with the exception I'd say of Tony Attwood, whose Complete Guide actually lays things out in a way that does not seem to impose nearly as much as other NT writings.



What I read made sense to me.

You are using the straw man fallacy and FAILING to use the principal of clarity, unless of course you didn't even understand my basic premises and arguments I laid forth for you.

If you are so happy to be an individual why are you so eager to be labelled an 'aspie' by yourself, your family and your co-workers?

I don't about results that you get on tests, they can be manipulated especially if you HAVE done your research. Once again, you NEED a professional to diagnose you as they can usually (if they are worth their salt) see through any facades.

You take my responses and weave and change to them try and argue a different position. Either you don't care about what i have to say or you don't like what i have to say, so then you change and ignore them completely to suit whatever you wish to write to comfort yourself.

I also do not view Aspergers or any other autsitic spectrum diagnosis, or any mental diagnoses for that matter, as 'a disease.' It is apart of who we are and whilst I view Asperges to have some benefits, I also see some negative aspects of my Aspergers. As I live in a world that is run by people who do not understand those with Aspergers, I see it important if I want to make this system work to my advantage, know how to work the system for my own benefit. To learn and excel at thing my brain has not wired for me. To Make new neurological paths, learn things about the world that I do not know, but once know, will improve my daily living.

You do not need to see it as curing something, or a disease, but something that has both negative and positive aspects, and thankfully, many negative aspects can be learnt, to HELP YOU function and live a flourishing life. Rather than expect others to change because you are different.

I wasn't lecturing you on anything, merely pointing out and illustrating how my country's health care system works. You gave me a basic run down of yours for the benefit of myself and my lack of knowledge on how the health care system works in the UK. So I thought I would return the favor and give you a run down on my own county's health care system and how it has worked for me.

Using or not using the lingo doesn't bother me, I was merely saying, perhaps if you wanted to fast track your referral, and for doctors to take you seriously, perhaps some knowledge and use of the diagnostic jargon, could perhaps benefit you. I only stated what I did, as something of a tip for you, to hopefully maybe fast track your referral and diagnosis. I wasn't aware there was an 'in' or 'out' crowd, but I wish to be a member of neither.

You are once again projecting, I was not offended at all by you or your situation. I am offended rarely, and this certainly was not one of those times.

Ugh yeah, early on, one of the first books about autism I tried to read was Frith's "Asperger's Syndrome" (I think that was the title, anyway). It made nearly no sense to me and I put back on the shelf pretty quickly, as things said by autistic people made sense right away (and about things I'd never seen discussed anywhere). And, like others have said, much later, I could backwards-translate in order understand what the professional literature was trying to say.

But if I'd only read the professional stuff... there was very little recognition there. (The first thing I read was an autobiography.)

I don't know if I'm ever going to bother getting assessed, but I see one problem being that I've been through this process of seeing all the holes and misinterpretations in the professional picture. So, there it is: getting to get assessed, and arguing about the criteria (and/or their interpretation, and /or their prevalence, basis and on and on). I suspect a lot of professionals wouldn't 'get' that.

@All_White
On the subject of "shy" -- thought you might like to see this essay (which is not written by me):

http://www.planetautism.com/jane/shy.html

I need to disagree with you there, rabbit. Using the diagnostic criteria and lingo has backfired for me on several occassions. Doctors get defensive, want to know where you learned those 'big' words and pass an immediate judgement/diagnosis of 'internet hyperchondria'. They stop listening, or, at least they did in my case.

I do find that when I approach a doctor with a written list things go much smoother.

I also am very happy to be an individual - I abhor status quo yet I think I do need to be recognised for my AS. The 'negative' things about my personality, when seen in the light of a hardwired difference rather than a willful choice on my part may help me find the support and understanding I've never had. I don't want to be stubborn. I personally adore my creativity but my obsessive thoughts about my interests is a definite hindrance. After forty years, you'd think I would have learned how to pay my bills ontime or do anything ontime. It's not that I haven't tried, literally, for decades. So, yes - I think you can be happy with who you are overall but need the 'label' to help you address the things you'd like to change but just can't seem to. I'm not sure anybody is 100% happy with everything about themselves.

Thanks, Apple_in_my_eye! I will have a look.

Completely agree. Being given a label of AS doesn't mean I am renouncing my individuality. I am an individual whether I have AS or not.
Rabbit, I really don't udnerstand what your problem is. I have already EXPLAINED that the reason I am so keen for a diagnosis is for benefits. Benefits. Got that? Forgive me if there's a different word down under and that's why we're getting our wires crossed, perhaps. I have no idea if "benefits" is a word unique to the UK, so perhaps you don't know what I am talking about. Benefits are money you get given from the government when you are ill or unemployed. In the US they call it welfare, I think. No idea what you call it in Australia. I am exhausted and have been bullied for years in the workplace and never known why until now. I've had breakdowns. I need help. I am ill as a result of years of bullying and isolation and mental health issues resulting from my condition going undetected. if I have a diagnosis, I'll get help. OK? This does NOT mean I am clutching at straws and wanting to be diagnosed with something I haven't got. if I were a liar I could have done that years ago by simply lying on the benefits forms, or lying to the government doctor and saying I had this or that, just to get easy money. The UK benefits system is incredibly easy to manipulate and that's why there are so many layabouts and immigrants that come for the money handouts, but I AM NOT A LIAR and therefore am currently claiming on the grounds of my SYMPTOMS, not my condition, because until now I never knew what it was. If I were a person who manipulated or lied, as you seem to think, I would have done that years ago, but I try to be impeccably honest.

Please stop ranting at me because I don't even have any idea what your rant is about or why you are attacking me. There seems to be something you are frustrated about that I'm not seeing. You are presenting me with a logical argument, but you see, I don't even know what the argument is ABOUT, so how can I understand the conclusion if you don't first explain what it is you're talking about? LOL I have NO idea what "straw man" or "principle of clarity" mean, or what on earth you are talking about. Maybe you are assuming that just because I have AS I will be exactly like you and can see inside your head and read your thoughts. LOL. This thread is for ADVICE, not ranting at people who are asking for it. OK?

I was trying to say that the idea that people with AS have to love SCI-FI, be science geeks or have no imagination are stereotypes. I'm not saying that because these stereotypes offend me, they don't (other than maybe the imagination). You started the thread talking about these things as if they were indications that you do not have AS. I'm only trying to say that they are not an indicator one way or another.

I did not mean to patronize you, and I don't mean to now. There are hundreds of lists of symptoms of AS on various different web sites, and the vast majority of them are only half true. There is an official list of the criteria necessary to diagnose the condition in a book called the DSM4, and they are useful to read. Since you have not specifically written about them I have no Idea whither you have seen them or not, but it is not something people always come across when reading. Diagnostic Criteria is a specific phrase that when searched will lead you to the DSM4 document.

I was not offended or angry at you. You are trying to read emotional content between the statements I wrote, it's not there. I do not know you well enough and this topic is not controversial enough, to create an emotion. Even the thing about science and creativity is just a tack on because i like having that argument with people in general.

Oh, I see. I'm sorry. I am a very emotional person, yes! I haven't heard of a thing called DSM4. I have done all the online tests I can find, though. I will go and google DSM4 and try and find out what you mean. Thank you!

Hey you!

The first section of what you wrote, about the Myers Briggs and the interests and all and being sensitive.

Here's another one and an aspie I am

We're all different

Im INFJ too.