Bully gets broken

Post Reply New Topic

This brightened my day.

I saw the uncensored version on theync.com his face was contorted in pain but not messed up. I also now have it on my computer and did not see anything wrong with his face.

Ohhhh, look at you.

He means both the bully and the kid being bullied shouldn't resort to violence and I agree. There needs to be a mediator in these situations.

Having seen what happens when a mediator steps in and make everyone shake hands and know how the other feels I have to say it does not work bullies only understand violence. The bullies stopped messing with me when I became bigger than them and started having explosive violent meltdowns. Once they relised I will reply with violence they found someone else to pick on.

If that's all the mediator did, doesn't sound like it was effective. An effective mediator will get to the root of the problem and work to resolve it between the two individuals and will explain the consequences of violent actions so both parties are aware. If these are kids, call the parents and put some pressure on them. Parents can often stop this sort of thing from escalating, unless they are gone all the time and totally uninvolved which happens a lot these days.
If you can't get the parents to work toward resolving, then it's the school's responsibility to ensure the safety of all students until they are at home.
Violence doesn't always solve problems, either. If one kid is small and the other big, the big one will beat up the smaller one as many times as they can get away with which is why someone must step in and stop it before it escalates. A lot of times bigger kids are left alone because they are big. The smaller kids won't try to provoke them, especially if they are tough. Not everyone has the advantage of size, though.

Work to resolve what exactly? That one individual seems to think it's OK to attack the other? That's the problem of the attacker, he's the one with the problem, he's the one who's actions need to change and he's the one who needs to be held accountable. The only problem the victim has in this situation is that someone keeps attacking them. Why should a mediator be needed? I mean what is there to discuss?

Actually I know the answer to that question, usually what happens in those situations is that the bully's point of view has to be heard so he (or they even) get a wonderful little emboldening scenario where they're encourage to tell their victim just why they attack them and why it's OK and no one stands up for the victim while they do because the bullies' point of view has to be heard too. Or it's the other BS where the bully says they're sorry and will never do it again, then all the people 'mediating' are very proud of themselves for having solved it and the next day the victim gets it even worse and gets told if they tattle again they're gonna get killed.

In the vast majority of bullying cases it's not like it's an issue of 'he took my toy car' 'because he punched me' 'because he threw sand in my mouth' escalation of a disagreement where you can sit the two parties down and have them talk it out. It's just a case of someone deciding to attack someone else for their own amusement because they think they'll get away with it, it's predatory, same as other crimes when one person decides to take from another. Suggesting it's somehow like an argument that needs to be settled by the victim and attacker coming to some sort of agreement sounds absurd to me. If someone suggested that for the same kind of violent crimes that cause similar aftereffects in their victims as bullying, well that person would get an incredibly negative response.

Yes, that's exactly it, kberg. You ask the bully what his problem is and tell him he can get charged with the crime of assault if he doesn't cool it. That's what mediating is all about. It's not asking the kids how they are feeling and making them shake hands. It's about putting a stop to the behavior before it escalates into something worse.

Ana, have you been an active participant to a mediation as a child victim of bullying? I haven't but I have been bullied many times throughout my childhood and into my teens.

I know that the physical bullies (male when I reached secondary school) stopped bothering me as much when they started to fear me. I don't think they would have left me alone otherwise.

Oh, I've been harassed countless times, been chased by a kid with a stick, crashing my bike into a car (I wasn't seriously hurt, just had a lump on my head, went to the ER, was x rayed and all that to be sure I didn't have a concussion), been ganged up upon and beat up. It didn't matter if I fought back or not. The only thing that worked for me was having adults tell the perpetrators, "if you don't stop you'll be in serious trouble," serious trouble being an assault charge or getting kicked out of school. Tell them it's going to go down in their records and get held against them. One of them, being a good student, could be convinced to back off by this approach. So yes, there are ways to stop them but it's not going to work unless you are confident and convinced it will.

I watched the uncensored version and it didn't look any different. There was audio this time.

I'm sorry for the pain you've experienced but I'm glad you're sharing your experience.

Secondary school was about ten years ago, I can see from looking at my post how it could seem recent. I'm just curious just in case I ever have children how effective mediation is.

The male bullies that were bothering me wouldn't have cared about their perminent record and probably wouldn't have cared about assult charges, some of them didn't even think that I should bothered by their behaviour toward me.

It would seem mediation is a good idea when the bully student is caring about their future but if they just like bothering the victim and don't care about their future, I can see the limits.

Exactly. My main attacker was on the fast track towards dropping out of school in favor of breaking into people's homes to score money for drugs. I would be surprised and disappointed if he hadn't managed to OD in some back alley by now considering what a bang up job he was doing of trying to wreck his life and do as much damage to others as he could in the process. The only thing that was ever gonna stop him was violence. Or him suddenly dropping dead of natural causes or accident - which seemed less likely to happen so I opted for the former and it yielded 100% more effectiveness than mediation ever did prior to that.

The most efficient way to deal with bullies is violence. The kind of violence that makes them think twice about engaging you again. If they retaliate you strike back even harder. This isnt some utopian world. The bullies are fully aware of what they are doing, they just dont care so attempting to reach out to their empathy with reason is pointless.

I'm not 100% sure that violence is the best answer, the female bullies in secondary school said that they were sorry for the emotional distress they caused me in later school years.