Aspergers/Autism and feeling child-like

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CrinklyCrustacean
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02 Apr 2011, 6:28 am

daspie wrote:

Verdandi wrote:

I really want to be sarcastic here, but I'll just say: Don't you think it's a bit invasive to tell people that what they describe going on in their brains isn't really what's going on in their brains?

But we have asperger's :lol:

What's that got to do with Verdandi's question?

pensieve
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02 Apr 2011, 6:46 am

I still feel like a child and by that I mean I still feel the same when I did when I was 6 or 7. Sometimes I can go back into my 13 year old state of mind and I don't think I can get much farther than that.

I'm 25 and I don't look it nor feel it. I guess maybe it's that I still hold onto my childhood interests like monkeys, or planes, or cats/dogs and drawing.

I've always been emotionally a few years behind my peers. When I was five I still played with toddler toys. When I was 10 I got told playing with toy cars was babyish. When I was 13 I got introduced to a lot of new things by kids one or two years younger than me. I was even into Ben 10 when I was 23.

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OJani
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02 Apr 2011, 11:11 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

Bluefins wrote:

Uhm, guys, you really are your chronological age. If a kid can do something better than you, that doesn't make them somehow older than you - just better at that skill. Trying to put a number on it is harmful because people aren't one-dimentional - there's all these other skills, experiences, knowledge, strengths & difficulties you have that they don't. A dyslexic 20-year old might do as well as a NT 10-year old on a reading test, but the dyslexic is NOT reading like a 10 year old. The reasons for their scores are different, and they would need to deal with them differently.

If you fit / don't fit various expectations & stereotypes that's because there's something wrong with them, not you.

Yes, we are our chronological age, but I think the distinction is in the...'emotional age', if you will, and it isn't really an issue of stereotyping, but looking at the average personality of a person at a given age. It's hard for me to explain. Let's say you have a person in their 30's. Physically, they are an adult. They have some or all of the skills that an average adult of their age has, and their overall attitude and persona should be more settled and responsible than that of a teenager. That's not a stereotype, it's how the average 30-something year old is, at least in my experience. However, inside, this 30-something person does not 'think' or 'feel' the way an adult of their age normally would. Even though every day they go to work and are responsible and focussed on 'adult' things, and play by the 'adult' rules, when it comes to going home or socialising or just being by themselves they identify more with teenagers in their thoughts and attitudes and interests. Hence, they would feel like a teenager even though in every other respect they are an adult.

I can identify with what you wrote here.

To me it's not toys or other objects that make me feel like a child, though I liked playing with board games, construction toys like LEGO at schoolboy age. Somehow my soul does not respond to adult things, my attention is lacking for family relations, sports, fashion, wellness, child nurturing, gossips. I use to think that those people miss something in their life. I always respected people who achieved self-realization in a particular field like scientists, economists, musicians, painters, poets etc.

I still live in my flat like it was a dormitory, I'm usually with my parents almost every weekend. Though I like to claim that I'm independent (sounds good) my best friend keeps my feet on the floor saying actually I'm not, I take lots of advise from him.

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02 Apr 2011, 12:11 pm

daspie wrote:

Verdandi wrote:

But we have asperger's :lol:

I don't understand your answer here.

Quote:

And this is after linking a thread where you claim that AS people have a social age of less than two years? Where you state as a matter of fact that "we do not know that minds exist?" I would not describe that thread as "wishful thinking," but I would definitely request a big "citation needed."

A nature paper was publisher in 2007 which showed that 6-9 months children can differentiate between different face like expressions. I have been called "just born", "just arrived", kid, son and whatnot. I tried but could not retrieve that paper. I will post it on a thread sometime later. Thanks for the comment

I think that if you look at social age as a single thing it makes sense, but I think that doesn't really work. I mean, I've been treated like a child a lot myself because of particular moments, but treated as sophisticated and highly intelligent because of other particular moments. It's an uneven profile, not a flat curve, I think.

Eternity29
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02 Apr 2011, 1:21 pm

Quote:

That is exactly how I feel! I am 26, go to university, with a current A average. On the other hand...I am 26 and sometimes feel younger than the 20 year old I go to school with. I did everything late it seems, and I still live with my parents. I lot of people I went to high school with are married with children and I can't even make friends. I feel really immature a lot of the time...I am supposed to be high-functioning, but I really don't feel it most of the time....

I feel the exact same way, and I still live with my parents too. I'm 24.

daspie
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02 Apr 2011, 1:25 pm

Verdandi wrote:

daspie wrote:

Verdandi wrote:

But we have asperger's :lol:

I don't understand your answer here.

What I meant is that we have asperger's so we may be wrong in knowing what is going in our brains!

Quote:

When it comes to social abilities, language etc we have a age of a new born and the other moments that you are mentioning might be about abilities other than social ones, I guess

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02 Apr 2011, 2:59 pm

Interesting that some describe themselves as multiple ages. Me too, and don't know if this part is an AS thing, or just odd, or even normal, sometimes when I catch myself thinking things like "I want to do that when I am grown" or "I would like to be doing that when I am twenty" (and I am 54). Go figure

CockneyRebel
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02 Apr 2011, 4:04 pm

I feel childlike and I wouldn't have it any other way. There's too much pressure on people to be mature and practice mental toughness. There's too much pressure for people to conform to the perfect life and what an adult should be. I don't want those pressures. I guess that you could say that I'm a Wonderboy.

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02 Apr 2011, 4:09 pm

daspie wrote:

What I meant is that we have asperger's so we may be wrong in knowing what is going in our brains!

I find that an interesting interpretation. As I understand it, AS does not lend itself to cognitive distortions.

Quote:

When it comes to social abilities, language etc we have a age of a new born and the other moments that you are mentioning might be about abilities other than social ones, I guess

No, we don't. If we had the social age of a newborn we would be unable to interact with others at all, except to perhaps cry when we need something. Newborns have no language, either. Deficits in socialization and communication are much too uneven to declare that we just have a social age of under two years.

The point about those other abilities was that I was able to communicate sufficiently to get them across.

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02 Apr 2011, 4:37 pm

People treat me like an infant. Sometimes I like it but sometimes, I don't. Most of the women that have been attracted to me are a bit older and they basically boss me around. I feel like all people are trying to "nurture" me (like a mother). This includes girlfriends/wife, parents and closest friend/relatives. They think I'm not capable of being able to make the right decisions and I need guidance even though I'm far more intelligent (academically) than they are. The truth is, I do need their help for some matters like paying the bills, interviews, proper dressing, etc. but one could say the same with a lot of people.

daspie
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02 Apr 2011, 11:35 pm

Verdandi wrote:

Quote:

When it comes to social abilities, language etc we have a age of a new born and the other moments that you are mentioning might be about abilities other than social ones, I guess

What I mean by comparing us to newborn is this- A six months old observes people, he is able to differentiate between people's basic facial expression. If NT baby cries it knows that it is giving a message to its parent. We do not have that kind of cognition. New born not having language has got nothing to do with it

. When we speak we do not know that we are conveying information to a mind. In other words we do not know if the person we are speaking to needs to hear what we are saying. It is different to just speak, cry, create sound AND to speak, cry, create sound knowing that it will change the state of mind of others. If an infant does not speak and we do then that does not mean that we are socially more advanced than him. Crying is akin to speaking because you are giving information through that process.

CockneyRebel
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02 Apr 2011, 11:57 pm

We seem to be split down the middle and that's a good thing. It would be boring, if we were all the same. What's good for the goose, is good for the gander.

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Verdandi
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03 Apr 2011, 12:04 am

daspie wrote:

. When we speak we do not know that we are conveying information to a mind. In other words we do not know if the person we are speaking to needs to hear what we are saying. It is different to just speak, cry, create sound AND to speak, cry, create sound knowing that it will change the state of mind of others. If an infant does not speak and we do then that does not mean that we are socially more advanced than him. Crying is akin to speaking because you are giving information through that process.

You said that with regards to language - among other things - we are socially like a newborn. Now you are saying that we are not.

I only speak with the intention of conveying information to other minds. And I know that some of my communication is with the intent of changing others' minds, or convincing them of things. If I did not have this awareness, I would not be trying to explain the flaws in your logic, and you would not be trying to convince me of something that not demonstrable true.

What is the purpose of one autistic person trying to convince another autistic person that autistic people are not aware of other minds? This seems like some kind of riddle.

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03 Apr 2011, 4:55 am

Verdandi wrote:

daspie wrote:

You said that with regards to language - among other things - we are socially like a newborn. Now you are saying that we are not.
I only speak with the intention of conveying information to other minds. And I know that some of my communication is with the intent of changing others' minds, or convincing them of things. If I did not have this awareness, I would not be trying to explain the flaws in your logic, and you would not be trying to convince me of something that not demonstrable true.

Please see this link

Quote:

What is the purpose of one autistic person trying to convince another autistic person that autistic people are not aware of other minds? This seems like some kind of riddle.

Good paradox. Actually after months of retrospection I developed what I call local language skills, see my signatures, and Theory of Mind. I would be posting ToM and social awareness rules later this year.

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03 Apr 2011, 7:50 am

I do feel like a child, but I don't mind. Sometimes I think other people are condescending to me because of how I act. That used to bother me, but ever since I learned of my AS diagnosis, I find it easier to ignore that sort of thing.

The childlike curiosity is an asset because it makes Aspies more inquisitive and less likely to accept conventions. No one ever discovered anything new by following "adult" rules.

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03 Apr 2011, 8:01 pm

I always feel like a kid. Even though I'm almost 18, I always feel about 10.

I get told to grow up and mature all the time, and I'm just like "Um..."

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