How do you "fake it?"

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It certainly contributes to the pressure. I don't know that all autistic people burn out and shutdown like that, but many seem to.

Also: Working too hard. Trying to function at an NT level in every way possible, even where you do not function well at all, or perhaps do not even know how to function well.

I am one of those people who got really good at faking it when I was younger and more energetic. Now, I'm in my mid-30s, working in a very NT job, and coming home completely exhausted every day. I find that my coping strategies have had to become much more sophisticated, and that - gasp - I have to show more Aspie traits than I ever have before. We'll see how it turns out.

I find this an interesting thread!

I only got diagnosed the last year, so it has all been new to me just how much I really HAD been faking it to get by. And just in the last few weeks where I have generally accelerated my acceptance that I have AS, I think I have been changing my behaviour in order to reDUCE all this faking stuff.
I so often feel so tired and burnt out in Life, and I am starting to believe that a big part of that has been all the faking stuff I have been forcing myself to do.

I am usually constantly telling myself the rules that I have learnt over the years, it is exhausting. Including, as the previous poster said, about the correct way to walk and sit, also. Stand up straight but not too straight, swing your arms a little, sit straight, don't fidget in an obvious way, try not to get too anal if someone is in "my" seat, make sure I push myself to say Hi to someone if they are looking at me when I enter (if not, don't bother).

For the most part though, I just try to keep quiet. The less I say, the less obvious my "difference" is. Plus, and this comes from a more genuine place which I have been working on accepting lately - I don't WANT to talk to most people and that is ok.

There are the greetings, though, that I go through with people who are either part of a process, as in a shop assistant, boss, colleague who is nice to me and who I can tolerate, etc. I have reduced all of that lately though. To the extent that someone even said to me that I had been "different" the last few weeks and was everything ok? What I believe she had picked up on was the fact that I had stopped trying so hard with all the flowery fakeness of social interactions and just kept to myself even more. I allowed myself to read a book more, I asked people to please keep their voices down at one point near me (I work with a bunch of girls, who for some reason tend to scream at each other when talking at times, it is excruciating!).

During a conversation, I try to ask people questions about themselves, etc, to get them talking... to which I am not interested to be honest. I often try to steer the conversation to what I find interesting, and thankfully my special interest is human beings (behaviour, thoughts, motivations, etc), so it thankfully can work in a conversation, though people often find me way too intense, and most people still tell me that there is "something different" about me. This is only during necessary conversations. I find them all very draining and prefer to just stick inside my own head.

I also have stopped faking that I can cope in noisy environments, and have now started using my iPod a lot more. It keeps me a lot calmer and I don't care what people think of it anymore (I used to worry it would make me come across as rude and antisocial plus I kept getting mad at myself for not being able to cope when everyone else could. Now that I know there is a reason, I am ok with it).

I also think that the limited expression I have in my face helps to mask - literally - what I am thinking/feeling most of the time (unless I am REALLY emotional).

Wow, sorry, this post of mine is all over the place. My Son keeps talking to me and I can't concentrate on both things at once

I don't fake it. Not anymore.

If I can't be natural during anymore....then I don't conversate.

if something does not respond in the way i wish, despite my attention and attempted contribution to it's development, i will turn my attention elsewhere.

i do not think it is good to "flog dead horses" (my father taught me that analogy).
to suffer the effort of having to live in a way that is subservient to the will of one's desire to be integrated into society is unthinkable to me.

to have to fake something is to have to insert a fraudulent stop gap into a resistant process pertaining to ones quest for acclaim with respect to an ideal that is incompatible with any of their natural aptitudes.

if i do not like something, i ignore it and i look elsewhere to find what i like.

For example, when I work at a daycare job I usually have to wear a fake smile on my face for the whole day and pretend I'm happy even if my mood doesn't reflect the mood on my face. You have to do that with most jobs but daycare is a big one for putting on facades, aspie or not but it's definitely harder for an aspie obviously.

I don't fake it. I be myself and try to improve the traits that I feel I should be better at. It's not about being someone I'm not, in my opinion. It's about bettering who I am.

I'm not good at faking it. Why try? It's way too exhausting and stressful.

I keep a different expression on my face than I otherwise would, for starters. Not truly neutral, more alert and "interested". I smile a lot and imitate the more expressive tone of voice other women use (hard to explain it, but it goes up and down in tone slightly more) and I engage as much as I can in small talk, asking meaningless questions I've heard other people ask each other, giving vague, meaningless answers like they do, and giving out compliments if I possibly can without feeling too fake. I try not to let there be awkward silences, and I fight the urge to talk about things in too much detail ("boring") or correct people ("argumentative") and always try to stay aware of what the other person might be thinking as best I can (which, for me, involves a lot of guessing). It works for a few minutes before I either get stuck with nothing to say or miss something important and look stupid because I'm distracted by doing all the above.

But still, in this way I can ward off the negative reactions by 5-15 minutes. They would otherwise be immediate. It's a useful skill as far as it goes.

I agree with everyone. Wait! I know, that's not possible! Let me explain. Some people fake it, some don't. Some try really heard, others don't try very hard at all.

The simple solution is to do nothing and be yourself, which is always the easiest for us. It requires us to put forth no additional thought and lets us use our minds for more productive things. On the other hand, if you don't fake at least a modicum of NT social behaviors you end up treated differently or worse. There is little we can do to change the wiring of our brain except to learn new things, so use that to your advantage. I saw somebody respond to a long list of good pointers as "that's a lot to remember." We're supposed to be good at learning! Use it to your advantage.

Remember, NTs are more social, but that doesn't mean smarter. Use their own psychology against them. How many of you see an advertisement on television and think "How stupid do they think I am to believe that 30 second spot is going to make me want to buy their products?" They aren't stupid, they're not targeting Aspies, they're going after NTs who make irrational emotionally-driven decisions all the time. If you know how an NT brain works, you can play them like a cheap fiddle, and that's what marketing people are all about.

I was fortunate. I was raised in a pretty small town and attended small schools (I had 42 in my graduating class), so my anxiety with people at school was not as bad as it could have been. I'm thankful for that. But what REALLY helped me most was a combination of roleplaying and acting in school plays.

It's very easy to assume an alternate identity. It can even be fun. Make up a character who has all the characteristics you wish to portray. Write down everything you can about this fictional person. The more you can tell people about this character without thinking too much about it, the easier it will be to play that part. Don't make up someone who is nothing like you! Base them on yourself, but augment them.

I've been able to "fake" it pretty good in most situations using that method. Of course, when it comes to repeated interactions, like co-workers, you can't fake it all the time. Choose your battles, know what social cues are most important and focus on those! Every detail doesn't have to be perfect! Think of it like a movie set. From 50 ft away in proper lighting you'd never know the set was just cardboard, styrofoam and paint, but it's good enough on film. That's what we need to do, not be perfect models of NTs, just good enough to get by in the right lighting. It is exhausting to keep up for long periods of time, so practice on people in line at the store, you'll only see them for 30 seconds out of your whole life.

I don't know that this is a good way to cope, but sometimes if I'm just not feeling it that day, I might just meet someone and tell them "I'm a smartass and I say it like it is, so don't be offended if I say something rude, I just have my mind on other things." Amazingly, most people are okay with knowing up front that they may be dealing with someone who may come off as brusque and rude. At least they know I don't mean to be rude.

Finally, remember that we are a small minority living in their world, it's hard enough to get by without our weird wiring. If we don't at least try, then we're dooming ourselves to failure. Diplomacy is what it's called. Without it, we'd all be at war. Don't let genetics choose your fate for you.

I've noticed that if I put an 'agreeable'/semi-smile on my face it can make interactions go better but it's a big strain to hold this expression and I often forget to do it. My neutral/no particular expression face seems to often be interpreted as hostile or angry so in that respect it's easier to just avoid eye contact altogether. I find eye contact with strangers to be a minefield and realise I'll never be very good at it so lately have reverted back to avoiding it where at all possible.
I've realised there's no logic, consistency or meaning to a lot of peoples' expressions so trying to work each individual one out is a waste of time. Unless I have to interact with them verbally it's not important.

I wouldn't know where to start in terms of faking NT body language or speech - it would be far too much effort for me. I prefer to avoid judgemental people as opposed to trying to be like them.

Really? One of the reasons I get along so well with daycare kids (I don't work in one but everyone says I should) is because I DON'T have to put any type of front on. Children easily see through phoniness and aren't so fooled with most of these 'social rules'. Of course, a few adults don't like it but I think they are just jealous of how I can get a group of children to do almost anything. I'm usually friendly but I don't fake emotions at all.

As for the OP, I have to admit I do 'fake' a little but I know people at work have come to accept my quirks and have figured out how to use my insane memory and ability to problem solve quite effectively. All the jobs I got were because I just acted natural so while it's tough for an Aspie, it was MUCH harder as a fake NT. On the subject of 'faking', I saw a kid at a Wendy's doing an interview and he had on the biggest smile in the world. It wasn't hard to tell it was 100% fake and he would have been better off frowning.

The only stress-free way to fake it is to not care what people think. This might seem like not faking it and it is very close. The difference is you can fake being someone who does not give a $h*t. Not caring what others think is a very free way to live. Give up trying to please people; it is destructive. You do not need to be nasty. You do not need to do anything harmful, unpleasant or manipulative just avoid at all costs saying anything that is designed to make yourself appear to be a "nice" person.

I spent years in large corporations and academia not knowing I was autistic. So I faked it all my life and am reasonably good at it but I am not NT and sometimes it showed. I never knew why. Now I know so I gave up faking but part of me continues to do it from habit. I must work at not faking it, so I do everything I can to just be my aspie self. If I run into a nasty NT I just remind myself that what that NT thinks is irrelevant. Are there consequences? You bet. I won't give details but they were catastrophic in every sense. However, I have accepted all of the life changes that happened and I am happy and content.

This and

this.

I faked it for most of my adult life. (I had no idea what Asperger's or ASD were all that time, I only knew I was different). But I still am quite sure that I never really fit in, and that others realized that. So really I guess I was faking it for my own benefit - but also to "behave" for them. To follow what I thought were the social rules as best I could. I was never able to relax and just be me, and it resulted in a lot of stress and, yes, burnout!

I'm sure there are off behaviors or things I miss when in social situations that I'm still not aware of. So, essentially the faking as been for me. BUT at the same time I'm sure that people didn't think me as different as they would have if I hadn't faked all those years.

My way of faking was simply to become the best observer of human behavior that I could (resulting in a fascination with psychology and with dialog in novels and tv/movies). I found patterns and followed them. That's about it. There were also people who served as role models in one way or another, people that I admired who seemed to do well in social situations and whose behavior I tried to emulate (without copying exactly), or figure out what about it worked for them. But, and I think I've said this here before, it was kind of like learning a second language but not becoming fluent in it - there was always this translation I had to go through in my mind and be very conscious of what I was doing. I think that resulted in a sort of unnatural, stilted, slow or awkward seeming manner.

But this faking has become semi-automatic, and it's hard for me to turn it off in social situations, because it's kind of a shell. I've come to hate that persona that I put on when faking.

Any resemblance between how I act at work and who I really am is purely coincidential. I fake that I love to feel useful and that I love to obey my managers, and that I love them and that I love my job and that I totally agree with hierarchies being crucial for a healthy society, I fake enthusiasm for new projects I'm dumped with, and that I love everyone in the office, I fake smiles and a zillion things more that you have to fake if you want a roof over your head and some food a day. I fake that I'm as shallow as everyone else, and that if I'm different it's because I wasn't born or raised in this country.

Outside work I only fake if it gives me something, such as pretending I cherish my doctor and don't think he's an idiot, stuff like that.