Very high functioning AS in denial -no I dont have aspergers

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Whilst I see a certain amount of mutual back slapping going on recently from some quarters on WP I really think you are wrong on this one about the other posters having bandied together in this instance. I just think the general feeling amongst people is that your approach is unwise and probably unwelcome, even if you believe you are doing some good.

I need only look at it from how I would feel. One of my biggest issues, and one sure to make my blood boil is to receiving unsolicited opinions and advice from anyone, especially strangers. I don't know if this is an aspie thing or just my personality, but I really can't abide that kind of interference in my life however well meaning the intentions. It is a guaranteed way of making me react negatively to an idea if it is delivered in that manner.

Anyone who waits for the first derisive comment then comes in behind, when an OP has a valid opinion or point, then yes.

When those derisive comments are more about group speak, back patting and sychophantic jostling, than the fact we may speak in error and make mistakes

That is online pack behaviour and bullying....

The dogs wait with baited breath....

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Huh? I didn't even read all the replies. I just don't understand why you would assume this surfer *must* know your assessment of him. It's, frankly, none of your business whether he is on the spectrum or if he accepts it if he is.

I am no bully, but you do jump to conclusions rather quickly.

This. Hadn't called him out on it yet, because I hadn't seen it yet.

I am speaking completely on a personal basis here.


If someone had said to me 10 years ago that I had aspie traits, it might have saved me a hell of a lot of stress, and my life might not be so completely ruined.

On the other hand, if someone comes up to me and says 'did you know you were fat?' I will say, 'clearly I know this, I am not an idiot'. Then I would return to my house and not leave for another year.

There is a difference between the two. One is self evident, and is therefore rude. The other may be much less self evident, and may be helpful.

Just my own personal point of view.

I only tried to clarify why it was a bad idea to do something someone else had already said was a bad idea, but I certainly wasn't trying to bully anybody, only to explain why (as one example) bringing up someone's weight as "unhealthy" in conversation isn't a wonderful thing to do for them, and can actually do a lot of damage. I would have said that whether or not anyone else said it, if I'd seen a post saying that it was actually simply honest and helpful. Or rather... on some days I would have said it (as I did), and on other days I would have skipped by it thinking it wasn't worth making myself vulnerable. On this day I did consider it worth it, but it had nothing to do with whether anyone had already said it. I stand up to such ideas on my own all the time, I'm frequently the first one to say something... and the idea that this is either an attack or a bullying attempt on someone, and the idea that people only said something because someone else had... all of these are leaping to really disturbing conclusions.

I don't even know most of the people on this thread who've said similar things to what I said, so the idea that we form some kind of social group is also quite iffy at best, from my perspective. The only one I know (on a personal level, I mean, as in knowing the person practically at all) who's said anything similar to me is Verdandi, and Verdandi and I think similarly in some ways so if we were on two separate forums without contact with each other, and each encountered the same messages (posted to those two separate forums), the likelihood we'd have similar thoughts in reply is fairly high. And it wouldn't be because one of us had read the other. Everyone else, I can barely tell apart (not because they're not individuals, but because I have a really hard time remembering people on forums like this).

Anyway, commenting that something someone does is rude or potentially damaging, is an attempt to prevent someone from doing something that could hurt other people, not an attempt to hurt the person who's doing those things. If there's no possible way to bring up that a person's actions could harm someone without being called a bully, then I fear for those potentially harmed by the person's actions. Anyone can do things that harm other people, saying you could harm someone isn't saying "You're a terrible person," which would be possibly bullying.

Last edited by anbuend on 19 Apr 2011, 7:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Or mine for being unclear, who knows.

And all that said, I'm going to try to stay out of this thread from here on out, I've had enough drama recently and I don't need more. I will also endeavor to be more careful when disagreeing with the OP in the future. Not that I will fail to disagree, just that I will be aware the OP is liable to take it as an attack (especially if multiple people disagree), and will try to say something to avoid that impression. (I certainly didn't intend to create that impression, and while that's partly on the OP, I figure it won't hurt to try to be sensitive.) That is, if they don't change their avatar, at which point I'll probably be clueless again, just as I'm clueless as to the identities of all the people on this thread I'm being lumped in with.

I'm the one who originally brought up the example that commenting on someone's weight is rude, and I brought it up because it is something that unfortunately happens frequently in society, and with the excuse attached that it's somehow for the person's own good. I apologize if I caused any problems by doing so. But I certainly am not a particularly active or popular poster, so the accusation that there is some kind of gang mentality at work seems to me to be utterly unfounded. There are just quite a few people here who happen to disagree with the OP, but without any malice attached that I can see.

Thats what I firmly believe too. No one bothered to come up and tell me either, and I'm pissed off about that.

Yet, others are of the mind that not telling is the best thing to do?

My mum brought it up to me and I ignored her. Later on I found it out on my own. Most people that are told they have it disregard it but then again I am generalizing here.

I have to agree, I don't see the Group Mind manifesting here.

A mental health diagnosis is a very personal thing and it can be damaging to receive information you neither want nor requested. I have plenty of experience with armchair diagnoses, having been on the receiving end for well over twenty years. I never thought to diagnose myself because I never thought there was a major problem. However, as I've had some difficulties in life, there is justifiable reason to question the existence of a mental health component. That fact did not entitle people to volunteer numerous attributions for my behavior but they did anyway, their assessments ranging from schizophrenic to multiple personalities to demon possessed to less evolved. I kid you not, those are just a few of the 'helpful' observations I've received over time. Those were directed at a man whose major faults were mostly in socializing, as I am law abiding, quite intelligent, hard working and quickly proficient in any skill I require.

I shouldn't have to make it clear how insulting and damaging such gratuitous opining has been but I will anyway - it has been one of the most destructive influences on my life. I hope you can understand that I am not telling you that because I want to be part of a cyber 'pile on'. That is very much not the case, I am telling you because social diagnoses hurt like hell, especially when they're wrong. You seem like a nice enough guy, I am sharing my experience because I think you need to hear the potential prognosis where such diagnosis is applied - what you intend may not be what you achieve.

I have no idea why people were telling me what they thought I needed to hear. I can tell you that I knew they were wrong and being on Wrong Planet is a result of my quest to disprove them. Right now I am self diagnosed HFA with schizoid personality disorder, that may change when I get to a professional. They may even find my conclusions too harsh but I know they'll agree that I'm not insane or a monster.

Sorry, but I wouldn't have reacted well 10 years ago if some non-professional tried to diagnose me at random. I don't think I would react well even now.

I remember being asked if I was ret*d and I hated that question. It always upset me because it meant I was doing something abnormal and I didn't know what I was doing different. My mom used to tell me if I asked if they were ret*d and I said yes and she said if they answered and I said no and she said then they must be ret*d. I once asked her one day why is that even relevant and she said ret*d people ask goofy questions and asking me if I am or not is a stupid question and ret*d people do that. I used to ask them the same question back when they ask me and they wouldn't answer.


If asking someone if they are ret*d or not is rude and offensive, asking others about if they have any other conditions should also be rude so I think it is rude to ask. Even my husband agrees.

And when mom told me at age 12 I had Asperger's, I was not happy about that either and her telling me how my mind works different and how I view things different and learn different made me feel like even more of a freak. It meant I wasn't normal and that I had something wrong with me. But then I always forgot about it. I didn't even know what it was then so the label did nothing for me then. I remember I tried even harder in school doing my school work and trying to make my brain be normal. I thought AS meant why I was so stupid because mom always mentioned it when I be doing my homework so I thought struggling with school work=Asperger's. So telling me I had something was like I was defeated and can't change and will never be normal.

Its appropriate for me to be helpful and honest.

A wounding is not necessarily a bad thing you know. At the time it may seem bad, then turn out good.

Just like everyone being polite is nice, but no one is telling the truth, which eventually is bad!