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AS crush and his bogus girlfriend

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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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28 Apr 2011, 4:56 am

Luella wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Luella wrote:
I have mentioned in a previous thread about an AS guy that I have a crush on and we've been on a few dates (I'm NT). The problem is that he continuously raises the existence of a bogus girlfriend even on our dates! I know he really likes me, so why on earth would an AS person do this? I've been trying to figure this out for months, but to no avail. Have any of you done this before? If so, why? (I know there is no girlfriend)

He is 42 years old, never married, shy, very reserved and seems quite insecure even though is really good looking.

He does it because he is eccentric and quirky so he made an imaginary gf. It's just an idiosyncrasy. What do you say when he brings up this gf whom you know isn't a real person. Do you tell him you know she doesn't exist? Do you smile and laugh nervously? What is your reaction.
If you call him on it, does he say she is real?


On the many, many occasions that he raised it (he's also never given her a name), I've never asked any questions about her because I knew she wasn't real. A month ago he raised "her" only when I told him that he seemed like an incredibly difficult person to live with. Then he said "my CURRENT girlfriend doesn't think so, she thinks my being neat is cute" - later in the same conversation he complains about how difficult it is for him to find someone....make sense to you??

It may be a strategy to ward off criticism from women. Maybe, he's experienced a lot of criticism from women he has dated so he starts talking about an imaginary gf who is perfect in every way so you feel like you are competing with her and won't criticize him anymore. It could be his way of dealing with it.



Luella
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28 Apr 2011, 5:46 am

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Luella wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Luella wrote:
I have mentioned in a previous thread about an AS guy that I have a crush on and we've been on a few dates (I'm NT). The problem is that he continuously raises the existence of a bogus girlfriend even on our dates! I know he really likes me, so why on earth would an AS person do this? I've been trying to figure this out for months, but to no avail. Have any of you done this before? If so, why? (I know there is no girlfriend)

He is 42 years old, never married, shy, very reserved and seems quite insecure even though is really good looking.

He does it because he is eccentric and quirky so he made an imaginary gf. It's just an idiosyncrasy. What do you say when he brings up this gf whom you know isn't a real person. Do you tell him you know she doesn't exist? Do you smile and laugh nervously? What is your reaction.
If you call him on it, does he say she is real?


On the many, many occasions that he raised it (he's also never given her a name), I've never asked any questions about her because I knew she wasn't real. A month ago he raised "her" only when I told him that he seemed like an incredibly difficult person to live with. Then he said "my CURRENT girlfriend doesn't think so, she thinks my being neat is cute" - later in the same conversation he complains about how difficult it is for him to find someone....make sense to you??

It may be a strategy to ward off criticism from women. Maybe, he's experienced a lot of criticism from women he has dated so he starts talking about an imaginary gf who is perfect in every way so you feel like you are competing with her and won't criticize him anymore. It could be his way of dealing with it.


To mention a gf in passing, maybe, but to have details about what was done the weekend, her studies, how it feels for them to not spend weekends together due to her studies....that's something else.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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28 Apr 2011, 5:57 am

Do you wonder if this is a delusion he has?



Luella
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28 Apr 2011, 6:03 am

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Do you wonder if this is a delusion he has?


I therefore posted this earlier thinking that it might be delusional:

"I found this interesting comment on a mental health board site : "All of my delusions have been obsessions as well. If they were not so intense in nature I wouldn't have believed what I was thinking. The fact that I just couldn't let a delusion come and go reinforced the delusion. I wonder if delusional thinking could be an extreme form of OCD. People with OCD have irrational fears too. Aren't delusions just irrational fears that are more complex and creative in nature then OCD fears. I wonder where the line is drawn between OCD and Delusions?"

He has OCD which he denies having yet it is soooo obvious. He is a neat freak - I mentioned this to him as being "abnormal behaviour" but of course he denied it."



rbdl79
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04 May 2011, 4:50 am

Hey Luella,

I have the same problem with a guy that's 40. I pm'd you.
He has a made up girlfriend. He's also a neat freak and is OCD.