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I keep getting picked on in public. What do I do?! !! !

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Joe90
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24 Jun 2011, 8:57 am

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I've had people act very rude towards me on buses and at bus termini, both passengers and drivers


This is quite strange with me, because I've had 2 bus-drivers give me really nice looks, and one of them even asked me out for a drink. Where I come from, people always say that men like to ask those sorts of things to women who look confident and pretty. I don't look confident because I'm not, but I must be pretty to them, otherwise he wouldn't have said anything. When he was first on my bus and I got on, an unattractive looking girl was in front of me (she was quite big aswell), and he didn't even look twice at her, but when I showed him my buspass, he didn't even look at it, but smiled at me and gave me a wink too.

Perhaps women get jealous of me and so decide to be rude to me - which is stupid. I would have expected better from NTs.


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24 Jun 2011, 11:04 am

Joe90 wrote:
OneStepBeyond wrote:
it's just a bunch of unfortunate coincidences

everyone comes across rude/immature people from time to time. i admit i get annoyed sometimes when people put their chairs on seats so others can't sit down, but i would've just said excuse me so you moved the bag. and youths in groups often make fun of/mildly harass anyone who happens to be around, just as a way to look cool and get laughs in the group.

it's nothing personal


Yer but I look around and others don't ever seem to be affected by rude people. It always seems to be me.


It's your body language, which includes your facial expression, posture and how you walk. I've experimented with it and, trust me, it affects how strangers react/interact with you.



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24 Jun 2011, 11:08 am

Joe90 wrote:
Perhaps women get jealous of me and so decide to be rude to me - which is stupid. I would have expected better from NTs.


If you're really good looking or dress pretentiously or very "fashionably" (Like, say, with being too glitzy or prima-donna like), this could be the case. However, you said this was happening recently and I assume your fashion choices haven't drastically changed over the past month or so...

Actually, I just noticed you said you wore expensive trainers, so I'm thinking you are probably dressing "too fashionably". See, when you wear expensive or high-end clothing, you communicate higher social status and other status-conscious females tend to get a bit jealous and/or peeved, and try to "take you down a notch". If you're purposely being snooty, then you're supposed to bask in the jealousy you inspire in others. :wink:



Joe90
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24 Jun 2011, 12:01 pm

Yeh but I get all sorts of girls glaring at me. I get those pretty, tall, fashionable girls staring at me most of the time. If it isn't girls of my age, it's middle-aged women. They're terrible! And I've noticed elderly women look at me too.

The clothes I wear are the same sort as what other young people of my age wear. I thought I was looking like them.

I had quite a lot of people staring at me today, and they even turned their heads towards me as I went by, as though they have never seen another human before, and I caught them really staring at me. I was wearing a jacket with a zip, and just ordinary trousers - not too stylish but stylish enough to blend in. I don't know why the hell they were all looking at me just today for. I felt like punching them.


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24 Jun 2011, 12:32 pm

Joe90 wrote:
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I've had people act very rude towards me on buses and at bus termini, both passengers and drivers


This is quite strange with me, because I've had 2 bus-drivers give me really nice looks, and one of them even asked me out for a drink. Where I come from, people always say that men like to ask those sorts of things to women who look confident and pretty. I don't look confident because I'm not, but I must be pretty to them, otherwise he wouldn't have said anything. When he was first on my bus and I got on, an unattractive looking girl was in front of me (she was quite big aswell), and he didn't even look twice at her, but when I showed him my buspass, he didn't even look at it, but smiled at me and gave me a wink too.

Perhaps women get jealous of me and so decide to be rude to me - which is stupid. I would have expected better from NTs.


The bus drivers where I live have attitudes that vary. Some are very nice, some are okay, and there are a few that are rude.



Joe90
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24 Jun 2011, 3:23 pm

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The bus drivers where I live have attitudes that vary. Some are very nice, some are okay, and there are a few that are rude.


I have had a rude bus-driver before. When I forgot to take my ticket and went to sit down, he gritted his teeth and shouted, ''wait!! !'' to me. He was foreign, but there was still no need for that.

It's funny - when people like shop assistants or bus-drivers or even people at the job centre are rude to me, I get upset but in a different way. I never take it personally or get hurt or anything like that. I just seem to take it more personally when just random people in the street are rude to me.


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24 Jun 2011, 4:20 pm

swbluto wrote:
If you're really good looking or dress pretentiously or very "fashionably" (Like, say, with being too glitzy or prima-donna like), this could be the case. However, you said this was happening recently and I assume your fashion choices haven't drastically changed over the past month or so...


It could also be that the way you're dressing doesn't match up with your body language, your posture, or the fact that you aren't with friends. You're an oddity, a curiosity at best but usually someone just to stare at or, occasionally, abus.e

I'd have to meet you Joe90 to gain a proper opinion.



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24 Jun 2011, 4:42 pm

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It could also be that the way you're dressing doesn't match up with your body language, your posture, or the fact that you aren't with friends. You're an oddity, a curiosity at best but usually someone just to stare at or, occasionally, abus.e


I don't think it is that, because everybody dresses differently, and everybody walks at their own paces, and I see lots of people on their own. I'm normally with someone, but I still get looked at. I thought I was just another stranger walking. Anyway, where I come from, I see lots of odd looking people.

Take a look at this link. You'll find that it is fairly easy to blend in to this picture, because there are all types of people going to all different destinations, feeling all different ways, and each person is different to the next person. Everyone has different shapes and sizes, and sometimes body posture can depend on the shape of the body. I'm 5 foot 5, and slim, and have very small muscles, so I sometimes find it quite hard to hold myself right up, otherwise I will look too drawn up tall, and so will probably look more odd. But I looked at myself in the mirror standing naturally, and I didn't look odd or anything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7CSVIv4u0A


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25 Jun 2011, 10:07 am

Joe90 wrote:
I'm 5 foot 5, and slim, and have very small muscles, so I sometimes find it quite hard to hold myself right up, otherwise I will look too drawn up tall, and so will probably look more odd. But I looked at myself in the mirror standing naturally, and I didn't look odd or anything.


I think you could benefit from a second opinion. Ideally, we'd have a video of your typical walking behavior while in a crowded setting as taking of picture of yourself standing up is easy to subconsciously pose for. I'd say a crowded setting because it could be possible that your body language changes when you're around others.



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25 Jun 2011, 10:40 am

I think it depends on what mood I'm in. If I'm feeling frustrated, people sense it, then I get too hypersensitive to their looks and reactions, which gets me even more angry and hatred towards the crowds. When I'm feeling neutral to good, I tend to be more relaxed, and then get less looks and reactions from other people.
Today was a hot sunny day, I felt in a good mood, and so I walked through the town to the bus feeling relaxed, and I got less odd looks, and I even walked past a bunch of teenage girls (who always give me some sort of sniggering look), and even they didn't today. I glanced at them (using my ''peripheral vision''), and I could see they were looking ahead and taking no notice of me, which made me feel good. And then the less looks I get, the more happy I feel. (Except I didn't get any looks from cute men, which made me feel upset because I like cute men to look at me).


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25 Jun 2011, 10:54 am

swbluto wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I'm 5 foot 5, and slim, and have very small muscles, so I sometimes find it quite hard to hold myself right up, otherwise I will look too drawn up tall, and so will probably look more odd. But I looked at myself in the mirror standing naturally, and I didn't look odd or anything.


I think you could benefit from a second opinion. Ideally, we'd have a video of your typical walking behavior while in a crowded setting as taking of picture of yourself standing up is easy to subconsciously pose for. I'd say a crowded setting because it could be possible that your body language changes when you're around others.

I agree. A second opinion would probably be good. A key problem for Aspies is thinking that they know what others are thinking, when in reality, they don't know. I've seen this in myself all too often. You need someone with an outside perspective to look at you when you are in a crowded setting and give you some feedback on what they see. Even if your clothes are perfectly normal and your hygiene is good, your body language might not be.


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25 Jun 2011, 11:00 am

Joe90 wrote:
(Except I didn't get any looks from cute men, which made me feel upset because I like cute men to look at me).


This is just hypothesizing, but I believe there are two main types of personalities that a lot of guys are attracted to. The pitiful, woe is me, please-come-and-defend-me types and the confident, strutting (Dare I say, "I'm a b***h!"?) I-know-what-I'm-doing types. If you fall in between the two extremes, you'll tend to stand out less in terms of body language and correspondingly attract less attention. Of course, there are other ways to attract men than body language. It's widely rumored that, unlike females, they're not that good at reading body language and pick up on... simpler... visual cues.



Last edited by swbluto on 25 Jun 2011, 3:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Joe90
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25 Jun 2011, 11:40 am

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I agree. A second opinion would probably be good. A key problem for Aspies is thinking that they know what others are thinking, when in reality, they don't know. I've seen this in myself all too often. You need someone with an outside perspective to look at you when you are in a crowded setting and give you some feedback on what they see. Even if your clothes are perfectly normal and your hygiene is good, your body language might not be.


Once my auntie was meeting her new boyfriend at a busy shopping centre, and I was there the same day but was going somewhere else, and the next day she said to me, ''we were sitting on a bench and I saw you walk past then cross the road ahead, and you looked very cool.'' (Not as in temperature). And she said that her boyfriend even said that I looked nothing out of the ordinary, and he had never met me before. I quite like being complimented by the word ''cool''. It makes me feel fashionably attractive.

I can't see how I can be showing odd body language when I'm just walking along. I seem to have more of an awkward posture when I'm standing about in shops, because I never know where to put myself, especially when I keep getting in everyone's way whilst waiting for the person I'm with to hurry up and buy something or leave. But when I'm just walking up straight, handbag over my shoulder, one hand on the strap of my bag and the other hand down by my side, moving normally in the rhythm of my walking, I don't see anything odd in that. The reason why I keep one hand on the strap of my bag is because I've seen other women walking along like that, even in movies and books, and it looks very cool and ''womanly''.


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25 Jun 2011, 11:59 am

Joe90 wrote:
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I agree. A second opinion would probably be good. A key problem for Aspies is thinking that they know what others are thinking, when in reality, they don't know. I've seen this in myself all too often. You need someone with an outside perspective to look at you when you are in a crowded setting and give you some feedback on what they see. Even if your clothes are perfectly normal and your hygiene is good, your body language might not be.


Once my auntie was meeting her new boyfriend at a busy shopping centre, and I was there the same day but was going somewhere else, and the next day she said to me, ''we were sitting on a bench and I saw you walk past then cross the road ahead, and you looked very cool.'' (Not as in temperature). And she said that her boyfriend even said that I looked nothing out of the ordinary, and he had never met me before. I quite like being complimented by the word ''cool''. It makes me feel fashionably attractive.

I can't see how I can be showing odd body language when I'm just walking along. I seem to have more of an awkward posture when I'm standing about in shops, because I never know where to put myself, especially when I keep getting in everyone's way whilst waiting for the person I'm with to hurry up and buy something or leave. But when I'm just walking up straight, handbag over my shoulder, one hand on the strap of my bag and the other hand down by my side, moving normally in the rhythm of my walking, I don't see anything odd in that. The reason why I keep one hand on the strap of my bag is because I've seen other women walking along like that, even in movies and books, and it looks very cool and ''womanly''.

How you walk tells a lot about you, actually. The best evidence I can give are to look at some walk cycles (from cartoons and other animation):

http://minyos.its.rmit.edu.au/aim/a_not ... ject.html#

How a character walks can give information as to the attitude of the character, how confident they are, how happy they are, etc... in real life, this information is more subtle, but you can guarantee that someone who is NT will pick up on all of these little details.


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Joe90
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25 Jun 2011, 12:26 pm

I thought it was Aspies who notice little details?


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25 Jun 2011, 12:32 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I thought it was Aspies who notice little details?

NT's notice the details, but they do so in a more seamless way (so they may not always be aware of it). I like to think of NT vs Aspie thinking in terms of an "integration". The NT notices the details and immediately pieces everything together to form one whole image, whereas the Aspie may notice all the tiny details and not see the big picture. The information is the same, but the way that it's processed is different.

Does that make any sense?


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