Calling all teen and older Aspies...help me help my child!

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Good luck with that, and thanks for your courtesy.

This may seem like nitpicking (then again, remember where you are ), but it is an important point: what you are describing as "anti-social" can be, if I am understanding correctly, better described as asocial or avoidant. To be anti-social means to act against society, to harm society. Vandals are anti-social, violent psycopaths are anti-social, harmless introverts are not.

If he wants to go off and watch t v quit feeling sorry for him and LET HIM. Also, you could take an interest in his interests, play some Pokemon and other video games with him. Playing video games is a great way to connect.

I think it was definitely different for me... I did everything I could, to bomb the efforts of the forced interactions, and I think it just made everything worse. I simply refused to cooperate with the forced interactions, and it just turned into a big failure. I certainly am no hermit as an adult, and I have plenty of friends. I just don't interact with kids & teens; neither now nor when they were my peers. At least now it's "normal" for me to have friends of middle-age, unlike when I was a kid and my friends were 55-80.

Charles

Everyone here had great advice and, if you are still listening in OP, I have a bit more.

Even if your son doesn't WANT to socialize he will need those skills in the real world. See if you can get him involved in his interests with other kids. You said he likes Pokemon - there are online co-op play sites online where he can play and interact with other kids. Find out if you have a local collectible card shop (baseball card shop - they don't carry just baseball cards anymore) and see if they have a Pokemon league. If not see if your son might be interested in helping the shop owner start one. He is old enough. He will need help and direction but it is a big project an interested Aspie can really sink their teeth into. It's a detail oriented project that can teach lots in executive function, social skills and also bring the friends to him that may be more willing to overlook his differences to get at that Pokedex of a brain your son possesses. If there is no card shop - the local public library usually welcomes kid driven intitiatives such as these and can usually help out.

Put those special interests to work for both the kidling and dad!

Wow, no wonder you're frustrated--your "friends" are blaming you for your son's AS, and everybody's pushing you to try to make him normal no matter how much it hurts him. Deep down you know it won't work and it'll only stress him out and make him feel like he isn't good enough. Take it from me--you want to raise him as a happy, healthy, competent autistic person, not try to squeeze him into some imitation of typical, because that's not the way his brain works. Teach him how to do stuff, teach him how to get around in the world. You know this already; I think you're just being bombarded by people who've been told all their lives that not being normal is a horrible thing, and they've never thought about how it compares to not being yourself. You're getting hit with all this crap and your mommy instincts are going "heck no", but you're in the minority and it isn't easy.

Well, I'm not normal and I'm proud of it. I'm also a college student and an amateur writer and a volunteer worker in a bunch of different places; I'm good at role-playing and crocheting afghans and I love cats. I talk to my friends by e-mail and every few weeks I hang out with them. That's me. It's not who I'd be if I were pretending to be "normal", but I guarantee you I'm much happier this way.

I was going to say get him into a Pokemon playing group, but it was kinda already said for me

My son just started playing "Magic The Gathering" because a guy I work with gave him a deck so he had someone to play with. They started going to a gaming club every Friday night. There are other card games there and also people who play Warhammer 40K. My son saw the Warhammer gaming and has become fixated on it. He buys the figurines, glues them together and spends hours painting them. It has been great for him to have this interest and to be interacting with other people face-to-face. There are other Aspergers people there (no one talks about it but it's easy to spot them), so it is good. And it gets him away from the xbox and computer screen If it wasn't for the gaming group my son would not have interaction from people apart from school.

And also the forced interaction thing doesn't work. My mother worried endlessly about my social skills and made me go to things. She once dropped me off at a church youth group party where I didn't know anyone and ended up sitting by myself in the chair in the loungeroom until it finished. Another time she made me go to the school social, and forced me to wear some clothes she picked out. I spent the evening hiding in the toilets after being laughed at and called names. I would have been much happier at home in my room listening to music and reading.
The child has to WANT to socialise

I only became interested in people when wanting to learn about people and observe their patterns. At first, I still didn't really interact much but then it turned into a scientific experiment without the mind games.

I've learned so much about people that now I talk to them not caring if I come across as eccentric or not. If someone prefers small talk and does something rude then I just leave them alone.

You must let your child know that everyone is different. No two minds are exactly alike.

Set up the cards by discussing different personalities. How to tell if someone is not interested in what your child has to say. How not to take it so hard when that happens.

If you do a social setting, make sure it's in a place where there are several people like him and he can have time alone if it's too much to take. Do not push him. Give him a reward afterwards like he can play on his computer etc..

It is good to teach these things in the future for if your son does want to finally come out and explore life and people, he will know what to expect.

Do not let him be surrounded by only NT children. They don't have to be autistic but perhaps other children with common interests. Other parents that homeschool are doing it for a reason and probably similar reasons. You can get involved in those.

You are NOT the cause of your son's AS and any family and friends who say otherwise need to grow a brain and pick up a book on AS. People like that aren't worth your time.

When you have family gatherings, you should suggest more activities/gatherings/events etc that would cater to his interests and have such an event only last as long as he can be comfortable with. If he has a computer or a device or something he would be comfortable to have with him, let him bring it along.

Also you should tell your husband to relax. It's not about what kind of person your son becomes, it's about whether or not he will be happy. It's important that you keep up with finding out what his interests, needs, and wants are so you can act accordingly.