Let's Try to Get Along... Please

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I have NO recollection of this post to which he refers and it was months ago so I am not able or willing to just go find it and figure it out. I cannot comment about his complaint in this case due to this. My guess is that I was attempting some humour or that I meant "silly" in the literal sense but have no interest in figuring that out so many months later. I would (in no way) be able to remember now the state of my mind for something that happened so long ago so see no point in trying to find it and deconstruct it now. THAT would be ridiculous (illogical). If someone takes offense to something I say and they call me out on it (very literally of course) I can respond in kind. If they chose instead to "bully" me (antagonize) for months and months, I will miss the whole thing entirely. Heck even if they call me out with non literal words, I will miss the point.

That's sort of how ASD works in some people....

League Girl already mentioned that the simple addition of a smiley can tell someone that your words weren't meant to be hurtfull and I personally (as of relatively recently) adhere to "if you don't have anything constructive to say, don't say anything" but I don't expect evryone to do the same, it's just something that has helped me.
I agree that everyone needs to consider the nature of this forum and try not to take things too personally (not an easy task, I've found) but apart from being a safe place this forum also exists to help, among other things, with social skills. Being preemptively friendly has it's advantages, I'd say especially so in a forum where it's members have an impaired ability to infer intent.

Oh, I agree. I have seen people ridicule other people on here for various things, and while some of those things might be annoying, we do need to consider that everyone is here for a reason and those things might just be a part of it.

Hi Kfisherx:

Here is the post from March:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf154001-0-15.html



You tells it like you sees it.

High IQ is only one measure of intelligence, and is not always beneficial to the well being of the individual that posseses it in the long run. While it can solve many problems outside of a person, history shows, it has been a double edged sword for some.

The expense of IQ is obviously EQ in many cases. As a young person that could always be assured that they would be looked at as the most intelligent male in the classroom in highschool and college, I suffered with my intelligence in my early 20's; it was not nearly as useful in the real world; in that place EQ was just as important, if not more important.

Learning the "common sense stuff" can be as painful I think for one that lacks it with an extremely high Intelligent Quotient as it is for one to learn physics with a lower than normal IQ and higher than average EQ, perhaps more painful.

In my opinion you may have pointed out a fact that was already painfully obvious to Swbluto. It's not that unusual though for a young person with an extremely high IQ, to get lost in their selves, if the tool is turned inward. I made it out of that trap eventually with a higher EQ and mostly likely a significant reduction in my IQ, hopefully Swbluto can escape that trap as well if Swbluto has fallen into it.

My solution was keeping my brain focused on things outside of me most of my life. Worked well as long as I was healthy and could stay busy. From what you've shared about yourself, it seems to have been your solution as well.

I think swbluto is cool and I like reading his posts, but I did think some of them weren't serious way back when. They might seem silly to some. I thought he was kidding around. Still, you can be silly and have a high IQ. I remember reading Karla's post. I thought she was calling him out on his silliness, trying to find out if he was posting seriously or just posting in a joking manner. That post of Karla's didn't sound like she meant it in a mean way. It appeared to me like she was getting into the spirit of swbluto's thread and teasing in a good natured way.

I struggle with choosing the "appropriate" smiley. That's why I use "..." often times. Maybe others struggle with it too.

I think everybody needs a hug.

Uh ...

Wait ...

I hate hugs. Touching and all that ...

Never mind.

I'll give out the hugs. :O)

I like bear hugs but only when I am prepared for it. Otherwise I get really stiff.

I found the whole exchange odd and confusing. I have to say I wouldn't have known what to make of it or do with it if I'd received that PM...and I didn't interpret anything Karla said as rude either, just "face value". I do agree we should try to give each other a break when it comes to social skills and awareness...this is the one forum where I'd hope that could happen.

~Kate

This must have been festering for a while with swbluto. I find it funny that something so insignificant was obviously eating him up for quite some time, but hey understanding others isn't my strong point.

Personally I wouldn't have responded to such a message. I would have had to care if I was to respond and if I did care then I wouldn't be so blunt, so the whole exchange is rather puzzling.

Lastly, I think it a little out of order to make PM's public.

Ok kfisher, I just read the thread you said that in. Now that I have read it I think I understand the context now. I think I know what you're saying. I think I can derive it from this post in this thread as well. What you were asking him was why are you wasting your time doing this? I may be wrong but I think you see time as precious and not to be wasted on doing unproductive things and you saw what he was doing as unproductive and possible counter-productive. Am I correct in what you said or am I wrong? If I am wrong and if you do not mind please correct me and show me why I am wrong.

I try to answer all my PMs. I do not care that someone antagonizes me and which is why I wrote the response that I did. Actually I did not even notice it. Agreed about it being out of order but I really wanted to figure out how to deal with this one given inability to figure it out. I have taken action with him and have ironed things out. I think that he simply does not understand how ASD works in more severely affected individuals. Hopefully he is more educated now.

I said before that this happened so long ago that I simply cannot recall the state of my mind. If you want to call me out on some thread on a stupid forum, you sort of gotta do it before 5-6 months lapses. But you are 100% right. Time is my most precious resource and I really hate it when people waste my time. That may have been at play. At this point, I could only guess though...

Attempts at opening the pm with positive feelings: Well done.
The "apology":

This is not an apology, but rather a weak effort in the direction of an apology. He indicates that he's been antagonistic, but fails to promise to reduce his antagonistic behaviour. He explains his reasons for the antagonistic behaviour, but again, fails to voice regret over his own actions. Failed appology, but one might see that he was TRYING, and that he may have thought he had apologized. Thus he would have been expecting either an "oh it's okay bud" or a return appology from Karla re: "the original sin"...

When Karla's return pm was (in his frame of mind) returned without positive buddy-buddy wording, he would have gotten upset. Thus the namecalling in his susequent pm.

What went wrong:
1. Swbluto believed he had apologized but didn't do it right.
2. Swbluto did not include a link to the long forgotten thread he was referrencing.
3. Karla didn't notice the positive intent of the first line ?
4. Karla's return pm didn't feel like the "response in kindness" or a return appology (for the insult he perceived in the original post) which he was hoping for / expecting after his own (ineffective) attempt at an apology. Not really her fault as [see points number 1 and 2].

This thread is mind blowing. Every non-autistic should be forced to read it. This is autism at work - complete misunderstanding of intent and meaning. I can't even think of anything to add other than I agree that we need to agree to get along without jumping to conclusions simply because we now we are autistic and likely to make mistakes.