Can you sense if somebody likes/dislikes you?

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TwistedReflection
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30 Sep 2011, 2:03 am

swbluto wrote:
When people ask "Who's that fa***t?" in referring to me, I'm guessing they don't like me. :lol:

But, more seriously, when I sense reluctance/hesitance and/or avoidant type of behavior when I approach someone or they have an annoyed tone of voice, I assume they probably don't like me that much. If they're happy to see me and quick to greet me (or quick to return a greeting and have a nice tone of voice), I assume they probably like me.

I seem to get the former response more often than the latter in the past, but it's been more neutral to positive lately.


They call you the "F" word? That's horrible! :(

Yeah, I've had that term levelled at myself on a number of occasions, which is ultimately the reason why I chose to abandon my secondary education entirely and pursue tertiary education, instead. I was getting homophobic slurs of that nature on a nigh daily basis, and having to constantly retreat in order to refuel my emotional reserves became too much of a feat to sustain any longer. It really ate away at me, but up until that point I'd been able to roll with the punches, or so to speak. One day, I simply snapped and could no longer tolerate the abuse dealt to me by my so-called "peers", which I suppose was akin to an emotional breakdown, and finally decided that I was done with all the crap and abandoned the outside world altogether to the mainstream drudgery of idiots and fools.

Anyway, in regards to the OP's question; no, I don't think I have an iota of an inkling as to how others perceive or think of me, especially so on online forums like WrongPlanet and whatnot. I'll often go into a given situation with preconceived notions as to what to expect from other people, not making any attempts to form relations with them until they decide that they want to know me, which is usually more about what they can get out of me as opposed to being out of a genuine liking of me.

This is further complicated in the area of romance. Most are simply complimentary of my pleasant appearance, and that's fine, but I generally do not like feelings of the romantic sort because I find them to be impossible to define. Often, when I'm told that someone likes me, I must then mentally discern the difference between "Wants to be friends" and "Wants to be lovers" because I find it difficult to read romantic interest with any real accuracy. For that reason, I generally avoid romantic ties with others unless it is expressly put forward that someone has just such a feeling towards me, and even then I may just reject them because of the emotional gamut that typifies intimate relationships.

Hell, I find it hard to figure out whether or not my own extended family even likes me, or if they simply tolerate me and my quirks. It's not easy being the proverbial "Black Sheep".



Maje
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30 Sep 2011, 2:36 am

Surfman wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I can easily tell. If someone treats me badly or has a negative attitude towards me, I can tell they don't like me. If someone is always friendly with me and seem to be super nice to me and giving me special treatment, they like me.



Exactly. It's just that simple.

I just don't relate to people who can't tell if somebody dislikes them. Maybe it's cuz I'm hyper sensitive to that kind of thing.


Most members here have difficulty....a very aspie issue....


My brother has an obvious problem with this too. I think we have found one difference to AS women and AS men :!:

I really have no problem telling who I am to people, how they feel in my presence and how they feel towards me.

Many times I have experienced that my brother didnt understand his conversation partner(s), and many times I have mixed in because of it, taking his side and so on. Its a naivete that I dont have, at least not to that degree. I also see it in NTs sometimes. Some people appreciate this naivete, but some people abuse it (sometimes without him noticing).

I think it is sympathetic.



Mis3ry
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30 Sep 2011, 3:10 am

For a long time I struggled with figuring out if people liked me or not, but now I can tell pretty easily just talking with them a little bit.



PureRumble
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30 Sep 2011, 4:26 am

On this question I must answer that I'm not sure. I'm certain that I have a certain ability that enables me to understand what someone is thinking of me in various aspects, but I can't sum these observation into one final answer: does he/she like me or not?

But here comes the real issue for me, it's not that I can't tell, but the fact that I actually bother trying to figure it out!

It's like as if it's important to me to know what others think of me. I'm a bit sensitive when it comes to this when the other person makes a comment or laughs for instance. I sometimes immediately and automatically try to figure out "does he like me or not"?

But, for some time now, I've been pushing away this behavior mentally, and almost gotten completely rid of it.

"You like me or not? I don't give a f*ck!"

That's the new slogan...

//Arash



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30 Sep 2011, 5:50 am

I find it difficult to tell unless someone makes it really obvious.

Even then I sometimes get it wrong.

I'm trying to work on a "you either like me or you don't but I don't care and I'm just going to be myself regardless" attitude, but I find it really difficult. I care too much about knowing what people are thinking of me - I don't actually care if they like me or not, because I know that not everyone will like me - but I do get hung up that people are seeing and interpreting me correctly and what their reaction to that is.

I don't think I'm explaining this well, so I'll shut up now. :wall:


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TheygoMew
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30 Sep 2011, 10:30 am

At first if the person isn't being blunt about it then no. After several actions that are mean spirited then it become obvious.



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30 Sep 2011, 10:56 am

Maje wrote:
Surfman wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I can easily tell. If someone treats me badly or has a negative attitude towards me, I can tell they don't like me. If someone is always friendly with me and seem to be super nice to me and giving me special treatment, they like me.



Exactly. It's just that simple.

I just don't relate to people who can't tell if somebody dislikes them. Maybe it's cuz I'm hyper sensitive to that kind of thing.


Most members here have difficulty....a very aspie issue....


My brother has an obvious problem with this too. I think we have found one difference to AS women and AS men :!:

I really have no problem telling who I am to people, how they feel in my presence and how they feel towards me.
.


Well, I'm a woman, and I've never been able to tell, accurately, though when I was younger I thought I could (and was too frequently mistaken, when I assumed friendship). Of course I had no idea that I was AS, and had no idea how terrible I was/am with reading faces until the Doctor (PhD type) to whom I was sent tested me with a lot of pages of the same face with different expressions and asked me to describe the emotions expressed. I flunked miserably, and this test was obviously designed for children.



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30 Sep 2011, 5:24 pm

There are 6 people (including my husband and my daughter) in this world that I know definitely like me. There are a few that I know definitely do not (although it has taken a long time and some considerable heartache to work this out). Pretty much everyone else I am not entirely sure of so I like to think of them as having a broadly neutral to positive opinion of me for my own peace of mind.



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30 Sep 2011, 6:03 pm

Not diagnosed (Maybe I should make that a signature)

I've always recognized when people didn't like me. My co-workers usually liked me if they didn't know me that well, the ones who did know me either liked me.. or were weirded by me.

I always weird people, people seem to literally look down on my behavior. They'll laugh with me one minute and then they'll look thoroughly annoyed the next. Sometimes the annoyance doesn't fade.

I could be wrong, but it takes just one frown too many for me to believe that someone doesn't like me and that any subsequent behavior is generally an act or facade.



Maje
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30 Sep 2011, 7:57 pm

Sibyl wrote:
Maje wrote:
Surfman wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I can easily tell. If someone treats me badly or has a negative attitude towards me, I can tell they don't like me. If someone is always friendly with me and seem to be super nice to me and giving me special treatment, they like me.



Exactly. It's just that simple.

I just don't relate to people who can't tell if somebody dislikes them. Maybe it's cuz I'm hyper sensitive to that kind of thing.


Most members here have difficulty....a very aspie issue....


My brother has an obvious problem with this too. I think we have found one difference to AS women and AS men :!:

I really have no problem telling who I am to people, how they feel in my presence and how they feel towards me.
.


Well, I'm a woman, and I've never been able to tell, accurately, though when I was younger I thought I could (and was too frequently mistaken, when I assumed friendship). Of course I had no idea that I was AS, and had no idea how terrible I was/am with reading faces until the Doctor (PhD type) to whom I was sent tested me with a lot of pages of the same face with different expressions and asked me to describe the emotions expressed. I flunked miserably, and this test was obviously designed for children.


Hmmmm, okay I guess that means my theory goes pfffff. :o

For me it is as I said no problem. I think Im even extraordinary attentive for it, its not even an effort trying. Funny though that by looking at my AS brother, I see that this ability is as good as not present.
I believe understanding how other people feel may have been the reason that led me to try to please everybody, even though they where uninteresting (somewhere in my teens). Since I had the insight that it didnt make me happy, I am trying to move towards caring less. What I will say now sounds crazy but I seriously think that I feel other people all the time unconsciously, and I think it is therefore so difficult not to care about it. If I get a physical reaction (headache etc.) I have to look at the people around me because they are often the source. People with problems can totally mess up my system just by standing next to me. A person with a bad feeling towards me is impossible to ignore. I have to fix the problem or get out of their sight.



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30 Sep 2011, 11:01 pm

All too well!



swbluto
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30 Sep 2011, 11:17 pm

TwistedReflection wrote:
swbluto wrote:
When people ask "Who's that fa***t?" in referring to me, I'm guessing they don't like me. :lol:

But, more seriously, when I sense reluctance/hesitance and/or avoidant type of behavior when I approach someone or they have an annoyed tone of voice, I assume they probably don't like me that much. If they're happy to see me and quick to greet me (or quick to return a greeting and have a nice tone of voice), I assume they probably like me.

I seem to get the former response more often than the latter in the past, but it's been more neutral to positive lately.


They call you the "F" word? That's horrible! :(

Yeah, I've had that term levelled at myself on a number of occasions, which is ultimately the reason why I chose to abandon my secondary education entirely and pursue tertiary education, instead. I was getting homophobic slurs of that nature on a nigh daily basis, and having to constantly retreat in order to refuel my emotional reserves became too much of a feat to sustain any longer. It really ate away at me, but up until that point I'd been able to roll with the punches, or so to speak. One day, I simply snapped and could no longer tolerate the abuse dealt to me by my so-called "peers", which I suppose was akin to an emotional breakdown, and finally decided that I was done with all the crap and abandoned the outside world altogether to the mainstream drudgery of idiots and fools.

Anyway, in regards to the OP's question; no, I don't think I have an iota of an inkling as to how others perceive or think of me, especially so on online forums like WrongPlanet and whatnot. I'll often go into a given situation with preconceived notions as to what to expect from other people, not making any attempts to form relations with them until they decide that they want to know me, which is usually more about what they can get out of me as opposed to being out of a genuine liking of me.

This is further complicated in the area of romance. Most are simply complimentary of my pleasant appearance, and that's fine, but I generally do not like feelings of the romantic sort because I find them to be impossible to define. Often, when I'm told that someone likes me, I must then mentally discern the difference between "Wants to be friends" and "Wants to be lovers" because I find it difficult to read romantic interest with any real accuracy. For that reason, I generally avoid romantic ties with others unless it is expressly put forward that someone has just such a feeling towards me, and even then I may just reject them because of the emotional gamut that typifies intimate relationships.

Hell, I find it hard to figure out whether or not my own extended family even likes me, or if they simply tolerate me and my quirks. It's not easy being the proverbial "Black Sheep".


Meh, it was over the phone when they were talking to my cousin, so they're basically hiding behind a "wall", so to say. In real life, people dare not make such remarks because I'm so large and look far too intimidating, and I give off a "crazy" vibe where people think I could go nuts in retaliation if they dare make such a remark. (I would certainly become verbally aggressive.)

But, in real life, I also tend to conform a bit by keeping my replies short and try to use common words as much as possible. It was only in the presence of a relative that I felt comfortable "speaking naturally" (Which seems 'faggoty' to the average, random person, haha.)



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30 Sep 2011, 11:32 pm

No. In fact, I'm frequently trying to understand if my acquaintances like me or hate me, because it often looks like both answers are valid.



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30 Sep 2011, 11:35 pm

Maje wrote:
Sibyl wrote:
Maje wrote:
Surfman wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I can easily tell. If someone treats me badly or has a negative attitude towards me, I can tell they don't like me. If someone is always friendly with me and seem to be super nice to me and giving me special treatment, they like me.



Exactly. It's just that simple.

I just don't relate to people who can't tell if somebody dislikes them. Maybe it's cuz I'm hyper sensitive to that kind of thing.


Most members here have difficulty....a very aspie issue....


My brother has an obvious problem with this too. I think we have found one difference to AS women and AS men :!:

I really have no problem telling who I am to people, how they feel in my presence and how they feel towards me.
.


Well, I'm a woman, and I've never been able to tell, accurately, though when I was younger I thought I could (and was too frequently mistaken, when I assumed friendship). Of course I had no idea that I was AS, and had no idea how terrible I was/am with reading faces until the Doctor (PhD type) to whom I was sent tested me with a lot of pages of the same face with different expressions and asked me to describe the emotions expressed. I flunked miserably, and this test was obviously designed for children.


Hmmmm, okay I guess that means my theory goes pfffff. :o

For me it is as I said no problem. I think Im even extraordinary attentive for it, its not even an effort trying. Funny though that by looking at my AS brother, I see that this ability is as good as not present.
I believe understanding how other people feel may have been the reason that led me to try to please everybody, even though they where uninteresting (somewhere in my teens). Since I had the insight that it didnt make me happy, I am trying to move towards caring less. What I will say now sounds crazy but I seriously think that I feel other people all the time unconsciously, and I think it is therefore so difficult not to care about it. If I get a physical reaction (headache etc.) I have to look at the people around me because they are often the source. People with problems can totally mess up my system just by standing next to me. A person with a bad feeling towards me is impossible to ignore. I have to fix the problem or get out of their sight.


When you've met one female aspie, you've met one woman who is an Aspie.

It does sound as if you might have some ESP or unconscious telepathy going on, though, or maybe a hyperacute sense of smell (dogs know: they can smell humans' feelings).



TheMatrixHasYou
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01 Oct 2011, 7:25 am

I can sort of tell....I think that because I've watched too many comedy soaps, I've been able to extrapolate facial expressions and body gestures and recognize them in real life. I know that life isn't a TV show, but that is how I've learned to deal with it. Also, when I was younger, I would observe social interactions as part of a group, learning the rules...more of a female thing, I think.



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01 Oct 2011, 8:47 am

Nooope.
And people REALLY don't like it if you flat out ask if they like you or not. Makes them either lie or turn cruel, and then apparently even if they DID like you, they don't anymore. -_-
It's a little bit of a shock to have someone you thought was a friend flat out say "I don't like you. I don't want to talk to you. Go away." 8O