Being an NT sucks

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I've never really had a strong need for social contact. I know when I was at home as a child and a teen, I preferred to spend all my time in my bedroom reading books or rearranging my games and avoiding people. I tend to max out the "I" in Myers-Briggs tests, or at least come very close.

I did make friends although I often lost them. Some of them turned from friendship to hatred and the only one who ever explained anything said "fast friends don't last," which was a terrible attempt at philosophy and really told me nothing.

I've never been against social contact, either. I do like to spend time with my friends and socialize to some extent, although I prefer it be organized around my interests, or my stamina for socializing will be extremely limited.

I don't particularly feel "loneliness" in the sense of aching to be around someone. Sometimes I really want to tell someone something, but that's about as far as it goes. I don't feel a strong need for a relationship, although I tried to have one because that's what you're supposed to do. Actually had a handful. But one of my issues is that I behaved the same way in a relationship that I do outside of one - I spend much of my time on my interests and avoiding people. The expectation that I not do these things actually feels claustrophobic and confining. Plus the expectation to ask people "How was your day?" when their day is likely to be much the same every single day and if anything unusual happens, they'll probably say so. I understand now why that's an expectation, although it's still difficult to shake my feeling that requiring validation like that on a daily basis is excessively needy.

I actually had one guy all but ask me to marry him and I forgot to answer him until he sent me an angry e-mail. I think, if I were more hooked up socially that this would have been seriously distressing to me, but mostly I wish I hadn't hurt him by not answering, and I regret losing someone who was in many ways a good friend. At the time, I rationalized that and other attempts as "Well, I'm probably lesbian." Except I find that I had exactly the same problem in my one long-term relationship, which was with a woman.

My perennially low number of friends as well as my preference for solitude has meant that my social difficulties have not caused me a lot of distress. They have caused me trouble (along with communication difficulties) but I get a lot more frustrated at not understanding what someone else tells me or someone else not understanding what I try to say than I do at, say, spending days at a time without human contact. Especially since face-to-face avoiding human contact is a comfortable state for me. I also get my fill of human contact of any kind via the internet.

I can't say this is better than being a socially awkward NT or not, but it doesn't bother me. It does cost me a lot. I don't get networking, for example. I'm not likely to end up in a relationship because I don't bother to seek one out very often and when I do I am likely to drift away because I drift away from people all the time. I am unable to get past the job interview process because I apparently put people off with my mannerisms or lack thereof. I mean, not having a job is a problem for me even if the symptoms that make it difficult for me to get a job don't bother me.

We are who we are, probably best to make the best of it, you know?

Some social moments us high-functioners have no choice with. Take jobs interviews for example. I know we could get prepared, but sometimes questions pop up what you're not quite sure what to say to, but anyway that's besides the point. Interviews can be very daunting to us because Aspies like me show a vibe what I can't seem to cover up no matter how well presentable I dress or how friendly I act, which does often defeat the object. I know NTs get nervous in interviews too and may not be themselves (well obviously everybody's got to put on a more proffessional sort of affect at job interviews) but if they were that desperate for a job and were happy with this particular job, they seem to have the knack more and can come across as willing and confident in their speech and body language.
But I go all over the place. Things that normally come natural to me seem to go to the far extremes at places like interviews. I am OK with eye contact, when I'm not thinking about it, I make average eye contact (I've been told that). But when I think about it, I tend to stare and be afraid to look away, and soon my eyes end up on stalks because I've clenched myself up too much. I've learned a small solution to that problem - just blink every few seconds or more. Also, I tend to sit in the chair wrong when at a job interview. My normal position in a chair is quite hunched (it is comfortable) because when I sit up straight I seem to look too drawn up, so I don't quite know which one to go for. I can sit up normally by slightly slouching, but then you don't want to slouch at interviews. Then my hands sweat and so I make wet patches all over the table or on my lap (depending on where I keep my hands). Then when I'm trying to be calm and relaxed, my muscles then relax in my face, which pulls my face down to a glare, involving a sulky or miserable look on my face, which is not what I want at all.

If that doesn't suck, what does?

I just read a book saying there are at least two types of aspies, one that's emotionally detached and use logic for everything, another kind who needs emotional relatedness and feel down without them. Both are not good with communications or relating to others, of course. But the type who doesn't care tend to do better overall and are less likely to be depressed. NTs don't suck nearly as much, why? Because if they feel lonely they have the capability of going out there and make some friends. Many aspies crave relationship as much but don't have the skill to make friends or keep them.

It seems from your posts you do like socializing over here a lot. Though you don't seem to like "small talks" very much. Your topics tend to get loads of replies. I couldn't even manage that with polls.