Tired of the silent grudge cycle.

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Me too! Definetely one of my favorite forms of self-medication

But more on the subject of the OP...what I especially dislike is when I do something that annoys someone, like a co-worker, and they won't tell methat it's annoying, so that I can try to fix the problem, but they will complain about it to everyone else we work with and eventually it works it's way back to me through the grapevine. Then there are a bunch of people who are annoyed with me, and I haven't had any chance to correct the behavior. What makes it even worse is when the person who alerts me to the gossip tells me "Don't tell anyone I told you this, but..." Then I get paranoid thinking that everyone is upset with me and wants to stay that way because they won't allow me the chance to try and fix things.

Are people afraid to mention anything because they are afraid that you will get mad at them? Like if an NT points this kind of thing out to another NT, the other NT will get mad...I guess? If so, then it's all very ironic, because I would not be mad if someone said that I was speaking too loud or too soft and it bothered them. It would not be a big deal to me that one of my "weird" mannerisms was pointed out to me. Knowing is better than unknowing in the silent grudge cycle.

My therapist tells me that the reason NTs don't say these things to each other is that they want to "be gentle" with each other. I'm not sure I buy this, eggsacly.

This morning a teen boy sat beside me on the train, earphones in, emitting loud techno tuc-tuc. I've been playing with the thought what if I told him to turn down the volume a little bit. I'm afraid he would either flip out on me or pretend he's not listening.

Exercising tolerance towards the things others do but we don't like is a natural behavior. Without that the world wouldn't function. I wonder if I was that teen boy, what would I have said. When I was younger I was listening to music via earphones at low volumes in public places because I knew it could disturb others. But that was me.

Most of the time my colleagues wouldn't tell me either what their (actual) problem was with me, and than flip out on me not so kindly. An example for this is their request that I should have a shower after every time I did some cycling, even short trips. How do I know if it bothers them that much, if I don't get feedback at all? On the other hand, I told them several times I don't like that radio on all day, resulting in no empathy. NTs. * sigh *

I find that most people are really unempathetic and break their own rules often yet enforce them on others.

The biggest hypocrisy I can think of is when I ask some people talking to quiet down they find it offensive but they find it alright to turn down my music at anytime to suit the situation. How the hell does that work?

I also would like to point out in general groups will be silent and just gossip among themselves rather than to thsoe in higher positions...which is backwards of how it should be.