Medications and Behavioral Modification

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I am home now, and i am not going to over dose on anything, i want to thank you everyone that were concerned for me and such. I am so sorry for my behavior i have showed

I am on 30mg of mirtazapine a day but that is all I will take. I have had so many bad reactions to drugs I prefer not to use them. The only one I have not reacted strongly to is the mirt.

As for therapy...next to useless. They don't even understand my problem so how in the hell can they treat it? I am diagnosed with Social Anxiety but my social problems run deeper than that. I don't cope well with a change to my usual routines. I am a paradox as regardless of how lonely I can feel at times, I hate being disturbed when I am absorbed in my hobbies for example. I actually get really annoyed with people being social with me at those times. I seem to need a lot of time with my hobbies/passions (or obsessions as people have called them). I only seem to want to socialise when I feel social and that is not all that often. When I do find friends I cannot cope with the amount of socialisation they need. It quite simply exhausts me whether I am anxious around them or not. I spend half my time trying to figure people out and failing. People confuse me most of the time.

I am a strange person in that on the surface I can appear aloof and not very caring yet I am highly sensitive, I can just have trouble expressing that sometimes. BEcause i rattle on and on about my interests etc people also think I am arrogant and self absorbed and yet I don't mean to be. I do have trouble with small talk and I have to admit I am not always interested in such topics of conversation but I do care about people and don't like to see them suffering.

Academically I can be an A average yet when I am around other people I cannot even get my words out properly because I turn into a nervous wreck around them due to years of being ridiculed and bullied because I just can't get socialising right.

My therapists think that if they improve my confidence that socialising will come to me naturally. It will not as it never has, I have to think about it so much it gives me a headache!

So I am trying to find ways to improve things myself. One day I am sure the solution will come to me lol

No, because I'm not a perfectionist who wishes to be normal and boring.