My therapist misunderstands literal interpretations.

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Good luck with trying to find a therapist that understands autism. I've been trying for years to find a therapist for whom I'm not their only autistic client.

But why? Autism is not rare! Why are a lot of therapists deficient in skills?

I wish I knew the answer to your question. My guess, however, would be because many therapists are trained to look for some kind of hidden meaning in what their clients say. Autistics, when they say stuff, are usually direct and say exactly what they mean to say, leaving room for no "hidden meaning".

Verdandi, I can understand your confusion. Therapists really are clueless at times, even with their training & education. When you asked for clarfication, she should have complied with your wishes. I feel this is why we get stuck on things & can't move past them. There's a multitude of ways to interpret "keeping your head above water." If she had explained herself clearly, you would have moved on to the real issue. Instead, you are left to ponder the real meaning of her words. Maybe your therapist needs more education & training regarding spectrumites.

While I understand most idioms, there are some that I get confused by too. I've gotten a bit better as I've aged, but I still tend to take things literally.

There's no doubt the majority of therapists could use more training when it comes to having clients on the spectrum.

That idiom doesn't exist; I made it up based on a religious tract I read, which talked about asking god for whatever (I myself am an atheist; I read it for information). It said something like this: when you feel worn-out and say "god, give me strength", he won't give it to you; he'll tell you to go to the gym. (The word "strength" is a pun on physical and emotional strength).

Similarly, when you ask a therapist for a direct answer, they'll never give it to you. Instead, they'll teach you to look for an answer yourself. While that may sound noble in principle (much like teaching a man to fish vs. giving him a fish), it simply doesn't work with aspies. When an aspie asks for an answer, he's looking to clear a particular hurdle. "Teaching him to look for an answer" doesn't help clear that hurdle; it only produces another hurdle to clear (the original one of not knowing the answer, and the new one not knowing how to find the answer). So instead of one hurdle, the aspie how has two. Not very helpful, is it now? Of course, therapists just pat themselves on the back for a job well done, and leave the aspie more confused than before.

I still think a life coach is more helpful than a therapist. While they're not perfect by any means, a life coach will generally give you direct answers. In addition to love of helping, their motivator is money (like for any hired worker). After all, if a coaching session doesn't help you, you won't come back, and you'll tell people not to work with that life coach. So, the life coach will generally answer your questions, and teach you to look for answers on your own if you ask for it and time permits. In the end, you get the answer you want, and learn to look for it yourself strictly as an added bonus.

Speaking of metaphors, I adopted the expression "keeping one's head above water" for my current job, to mean "not falling behind on my work". Almost everyone I work with understood it correctly the first time I used it.

I can totally relate to both scenerios. I used to being seeing some people who dont understand autism and they dont get it, they didnt get it.

As for your other one, yeah people do tend to translate my situation into a more milder situation which kinda looses its meaning.

LOL... if very well may have been... don't mind me. It's almost winter. My brain will return sometime in the spring.

I know how that goes.

I still resent what fibromyalgia's done to my memory. Not nearly as photographic as it used to be.

Verdandi, fibromyalgia is something you and I have in common.

Another thing we have in common is the kind of experience you had with your therapist. Unfortunately, I've had that kind of experience with all kinds of people. If I try to tell someone I'm struggling, what I really don't need is to be reassured that I haven't yet failed. I need help with my struggle - or at least to have it acknowledged, even if no help is readily available.

Being in over your head = your struggle has caused failure (as in, you're drowning).

Keeping your head above water = you're managing, even if it's a struggle (as in, you may feel like you're drowning, but you're not yet.)

The negative aspect is in the fact that you're having to struggle. The positive is in that you're not yet actually failing; you're still managing. The focus in this expression (her reason for using it) is on managing, not on the fact that it's a struggle. But your focus, the reason for telling her what you did, was on the fact that you were struggling, or you wouldn't have mentioned it. So, if I'm understanding you correctly, and please tell me if I'm not, you said something to the effect of, "I'm finding things painfully difficult and overwhelming." And your therapist responded with something that metaphorically means, "But how can you be overwhelmed if you're not dead yet?" Oh, how sensitive! (Yes, please note the rather LARGE dose of sarcasm there!

I'm not a big fan of therapists. I think a lot of them would be better suited working in customer service for companies that purposely intend to rip off their customers.

That does seem to be what she said, although until you put it that way I didn't consider it like that.

It really is frustrating when I try to talk about difficulties and she sweeps them aside. "But you're still managing." I don't know what the standard is. Is it having a shutdown every day to recover from all the noise? Is it spending hours inside my room away from people so I can function on my own terms? Am I coping, or am I avoiding?

And why is it so hard to let me talk about how overloaded I am, and how everything is harder as a consequence, including language? I've explained over and over again that it's easy to sidetrack me with interruptions, and yet I find I can't get a full sentence out and get sidetracked from what I do want to talk about. So we get stuck on ridiculous idioms when I'm trying to say "everything is much worse than it was two months ago." But because I'm not dead yet or whatever she meant, I'm "still managing."

I do have a lot of frustration about this. I am glad the therapy is almost over, and I do admit it's been helpful. I just dislike when she tries to impose her interpretations over what I'm trying to say and shift my perspective to match hers. Why should I match her perspective about my life?

Well, Verdandi, the only thing I can suggest is that you print out what you just said and give it to her so that she'll either read it or not instead of interrupting you. Then you'll know exactly where you stand. You even have my permission to reproduce any of my posts in this thread, if you think it will also help. I'm sure, if you asked, there would be some others who would let you use theirs, too. Maybe she needs to know what kind of discussion this brought about for us. If she's going to be any good to anyone else with Asperger's, she needs to understand this point, not sweep it aside. Someone else could really benefit one day from your efforts - somebody you'll never meet but who will get much better understanding and help because of what you were able to get this therapist to see. Good luck!

What's the point in seeing a therapist if they are going to shoot you down for your issues? The whole point of going to one is to work on your problems right? So if you are being shot down, wouldn't that make the patient think they are doing fine and they don't need to work on stuff because "they are doing so well with it?" Way to teach them to be in denial.


It be like two couples going to marriage counseling to be told they are managing their arguments and problems so well. What would that tell them? Oh they are doing so well in their marriage they don't need counseling. Ignore the issues they are having since they are managing them very well so no need to keep paying to see that doctor since everything is fine.

I wonder if it's their way to try and get rid of their patients? if they can keep telling them that BS, they think they will believe them and fire them or fire them just to find another therapist?

In my case, therapy is mandatory for me to receive benefits - I have to undergo treatment for my depression. Getting another therapist turned out to be harder than it looked, and most of the time it's beneficial. I have issues with how she reframes what I'm trying to say - like she keeps adding positive or negative emotional spin to what I perceive as emotionally neutral. One example was she tried to get me to stop talking about "shutdowns" and started suggesting what she thought of as more emotionally positive labels for them. At least in that case she let go when I told her it's just a description, what I call it doesn't reflect how I feel about it, but rather what I see it to be. How I feel about it is an entirely different matter.

My understanding is practically no one at this clinic has much experience with ASDs, although I think there are probably more than a few undiagnosed people on the spectrum who go there regularly.

I can see why they make it mandatory. It still doesn't make any sense what the therapist is doing because wouldn't they want you to improve so you get better and then not need benefits anymore? But instead she is shooting you down.

As far as it goes, no one thinks I'm going to get better so I don't need benefits anymore. But I am supposed to at least get better enough so I am not depressed enough to contemplate suicide all the time. That much has been working.

She seems to think she is being supportive by pointing out my successes. The thing is that I don't have much choice but to tolerate everything that goes on around me, but she perceives that as "coping." It's not, but I've never been able to get that across.