adult aspie child inappropriate behavior

Post Reply New Topic

I take Mersyndol for severe period pain and it works quickly but also keeps me bed ridden for half the day. I've got to take it though. It's better than shoving one codeine tablet and taking one more each time it doesn't decrease pain.

I just think people need to know what this young man's functioning ability is like. If he is screaming he might not be very high. I'm kind of adaptable because when my behaviour is discouraged I'll change it, even if I don't want to. I had to stop having meltdowns because my mum thought they were ridiculous. I stopped but held this against her and that's not a good thing to feel for your mother.
When people say 'he should grow up' or 'he needs to do something about it' I feel like I'm experiencing his pain - I suppose I've been told it all before.
I was in this situation when I was his exact age and some days I would want to run away or commit suicide. I think as a female I was more aware of what my behaviour was doing. Sometimes I did overlook her reasons to be stressed out, and not intentionally too. It was actually so bad that I applied for a job to live in type of lodge I'd be taking care of. I wanted to get away that much.
back then I was petrified (quite apt as fear has been known to paralyse me) of independent living and running out of money and starving. That's where it all started. Just when people say 'he's an adult and needs to think about leaving the nest' fills me with all those feelings and fears I had because I didn't feel ready. I still don't feel ready yet here I am, weeks full of panic attacks, anxiety, misery, doubt, depression, anger, spending days on my bed and purposely starving myself and worrying about running out of money. Not to mention every criticism has put me back on my bed, for hours, starving. I wasn't ready because there's thing I never thought about and things no one taught me because they thought I could manage it I appear to be an intelligent and orderly person.

I still think this young man doesn't realise what he's doing and what's he's supposed to do. My mum has money problems and it took me a very long time to connect this with 'she's going psychotic mad at me at I just asked her to buy me biscuits.' We're unintentionally selfish people and we don't always think of others or why someone is angry, and we might connect that with something we've done. I'm not talking about everyone of course, just at one point we may have been like that.

I can't feel any empathy for the mother in this case. My mum would go nuts at me but if I had physical pain she's be there for me. Even buy me strawberries because that made feel better when I was younger. She once refused to take me to the doctor when I had seizures and that made me feel depressed enough to kill myself. I would have rather died than have those types of severe seizures every day of the week.

As for hospitals, I can go through so much pain without going to one; severe pain, grand mal seizures, even becoming catatonic. It's usually temporary. The only time I was rushed to the hospital was for these marks on my leg (thought to be menigiccocal - very fatal) but it turned out to be ruptured blood vessels. Tasty. I've still got them too and I'm like, eh, they'll be gone in 6 months. Keep me away from electric and gas heaters. Sensitive skin.

Nope.

Tough love worked on me well.

Mom used to send me to my room whenever I be yelling and then she started to walk away from me when I yell at her. She leave the room and told me until I stop yelling she will quit leaving.

How was it used on you?

She send me to my room, gave me time outs, made me follow the rules, punish me for not following them, tell me to not do this or that so kids won't tease me or think I am weird, she treated me like a normal child and didn't treated me like a disability. Wouldn't let me use my AS as an excuse, let my brothers have parties and let me suffer. She ignored my anxiety and refused to have our home look like a palace just to keep me happy. She also walked away from me when I yell at her and that was something new she did when I was 16. She used to send me to my room when I started screaming at her but she found out that wasn't really working and it was making me angrier so she started to walk away. She also didn't let me talk about my obsessions because she didn't want to hear them. She also gave me consequences like taking away my Barbie dolls when none of the other punishments worked according to her. They were the only things I played with most of the time so she started to take them away, one doll at a time. I remember her taking them all away at once too. She also took away my obsessions by making them off limits but yet the merchandise was okay. She thought it get me to stop them but it never worked because I had them in my head and I still walked about them with certain people. I found ways. When I started to write on my obsessions which was with 101 Dalmatians, she took the story away and I started another one so mom didn't bother with that tough love approach again.

One other tough love she did on me was when I wouldn't quit teasing her on the way home, she kicked me out of the car finally. I was going to hitchhike home but instead mom ordered me back in the car. I was just confused because first she wanted me to walk home and then she yells at me to get in as if I did something wrong again. Well I stopped teasing her but after she got very mad at me. She kept saying "stop that teasing" than telling me she doesn't want me teasing her at all. I finally figured that out when she finally made herself more clear. I was confused about that one for a couple of years because I couldn't understand why she tell me to stop that teasing if she didn't want me teasing her at all. Then she got so mad at me about it because she kept misspeaking. Then when I was 15 I learned stop that teasing means stop teasing, it's a figure of speech.

Another thing my mom did was tell me to stop crying like a two year old so I used to bottle my feelings up and I used to cry in private.

Mom also told me to not go crying to her if I get raped. She didn't like me going out and meeting guys from the internet so she told me don't go crying to her if I get raped.

She also told me in my teens if I got pregnant, she won't be helping me nor supporting me. I would be on my own, I would have to get a job to support my baby and maybe quit school and she won't take me to London. She won't give me allowance or buy me stuff for the baby. I'd have to get it all with my own money and she won't be watching it either. That tough love she do on me if I got knocked up in high school. But that sure got me to not want to have kids that young.

If I got bullied in school, mom would tell me to stop doing things that were weird and she list them all and the teasing would stop and kids would stop running away from me too. I got no sympathy from her for that. Instead she tell me what not to do. I would feel bad then but I realize now she did me a favor. Thanks to that, it got me to learn to control myself.

She also used to tell me why kids think I am mean or why they don't like me. One of them was because I teased too much. Sure I felt bad but it was the truth. Mom didn't sugarcoat nor was politically correct. When i kept throwing my coat in the closet than hanging it up, she told me I was being lazy and I said I didn't have the time to hang it up. I wanted to come home and relax and play before mother made me do my homework which was torture. Then when I was nine, my mother decided to rearrange the closet and she made a lower coat rack for the kids and told us from now on we be hanging up our coats or else we get in trouble. I hated getting into trouble and who knows what the punishment be so I came home from school the next day and threw my coat in there and after I closed the door, I remembered what my mother said so I opened the door and hung the coat up and did that every day. I had to remind my brothers and make them hang up their coats too.

Mom also used empty threats like she throw our toys out if we don't pick them up. That sure worked but then it backfired because I actually started to throw things away when I clean and I was trying to train my family to keep their stuff put away. Mom would sometimes yell at me about it but I still did it. I should have figured out throwing them away wasn't working because they just dig in the trash before taking it out and taking the stuff back out. But no I kept on doing it than quitting. Then I finally stopped when I was 11 or 12 because it never worked and it had taken me that long to realize it. I realized it was never going to change to why bother doing it if it be out of the trash again? I was in my teens when I figured out it was a bluff my mother was doing and I took it literal and actually did it. But hey it worked, it got us kids racing to pick up our stuff when we see mom sweeping one of our toys in a dirt pile. Mom would act like she was following through to make it look like she was serious. She even sometimes pull over and tell us to get out and we all be screaming and she give us another chance to behave. We be quiet for the rest of the way home. She got us to stop being kids for the moment(hey that could work with kids who won't stop with their high pitch screams). But after that stop that teasing incident, mom made a mistake telling me how it be illegal if she left me behind so I told my brothers about it and mom couldn't use that empty threat anymore because we all tell her "yeah right mom, you get in trouble with the police for child abandonment." She was screwed.

I had a form of 'tough love' by my parents when I was younger, but it was really because they didn't know I had Asperger's. This might sound strange, but I am glad that the diagnosis didn't exist back when I was little, as parents today seem to underestimate their autistic child and then want to stick them in a group home. I'm glad they didn't underestimate me.

There's a parenting section where you will get more help and warm responses to this question.

I've never found tough love helpful under any circumstances, to the contrary, it was really damaging for me and set me back a lot.