Feeling loved

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Aussiebloke: Almost all relationships end up that way, for Nt's and Aspies. That's why they call it dating. How many times are you going to get the chance to feel euphoria. I have a saying. The only way to know it's forever is to die. But when you have those incredible moments it makes the bad times worth it. I have learned that in life, as good as it gets, it's going to get just as bad. As my sig says.

I don't know how I would've coped with the weirdness of my assessment gone wrong without the support of my girlfriend of 11 years. And our understanding that I might have Asperger's is, I think, making our relationship stronger. It's really helping us with things that have sometimes been difficult between us in the past.

fraac, I liked what you said about knowing you're loved when you feel safe around someone. That idea works for me. I'm going to remember that one.

I have never been in a romantic relationship which is very depressing because I feel very lonely and lustful.
I do believe that I would sense that my partner loved me. I have daydreams about a relationship and I can sense it in those dreams.
I know that dreams are not reality.


I do however love my parents,family and dogs.
I can sense that they love me without them telling me though I do like to be reminded sometimes.
I know that my parents love me because they are allowing their 27 year old daughter live in their house for free.

i dont feel loved at all. not from anyone. so of course i dont say it to anyone because i dont feel it around me.

Belushi87 Don't you have any family? Friends?

I'm sure I could read it. When one doesn't feel the need for guarded words and there's a harmonic resonance where they embrace your *being* in its totality and vice versa, I'm sure that's getting pretty close to it. Soft caresses are pretty telling.

And, movie quote of the day:

Last edited by swbluto on 08 Dec 2011, 1:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

To me love is not about words, its more about action. Its showing you love the person cause if you just say it and your actions says something else then your words mean nothing.

But doesn't it mean both saying it and showing it? How can you have one without the other?

@cinbad

i dont have any friends and my family isnt the family i want them to be.

Family seldom is I understand how lonely you must be. After being married and divorced, in the end, I have only my children who are all grown. My parents died when I was young.

I like hugs

well... let me rephrase that: I love boyfriend hugs... A LOT!

Still, when we're not in the same place (which is sadly often), just a simple text that says "I love you" is enough to keep me smiling all day.
It never gets old. I'm so in love with this boy, it's ridiculous. How did a dork like me get a man like that? I may never know.

Family hugs are awkward though. I am from a big hug+kiss family. Every time I go to a family get-together I have to hug & kiss about 50 people on the cheek twice (once when entering once when leaving), and I'm really bad at guessing which shoulder they're going to go for. Left? Right? I dunno! Once I smacked faces with my cousin Rob, it was awkward and somewhat painful. I wish we could just hug when we felt like it instead of every time I enter a room. I suppose it's good practice though.


@Belushi87: Are you okay? If you just need a random person to talk to, feel free to PM me.

I need to be told by my parents that they love and accept me. The problem is that they don't tell me those things, so I don't feel loved by my family. I used to feel my mum's love until the closing week of last June, but that's all changed now.

Because I love my girlfriend, I tell her I'm sorry on any occasion when I think I've been wrong or done something hurtful, even unintentionally. To me, it's right to be brave enough to be upfront and sincere, no matter how hard it is. It's also really important, because it makes things better between us. But one reason I trust her so much is that she's safe for me to go to that way. She doesn't take advantage when I feel vulnerable. If I weren't safe, I wouldn't want to be with her.

My relationship is an area of interest for me. I've spent the last 11 years figuring out how best to look after my girlfriend's health, keep her happy and entertained (sometimes by doing something as small as making faces out of stuff on the dining room table, such as bottle caps and a gourd, on the closed lid of her laptop for her to find when she gets home) attend to her needs and feelings, give her space when she says she needs it, support her interests, show her affection, and anything else I can think of to work on things between us to make our relationship the best I can offer her. I think of it as being my job to make her life wonderful, because that's what she does for me.

We had no clue I might have Asperger's until recently. One reason that understanding is important is that it's really helping our relationship in ways in which it was difficult before. I think it's made us stronger together. Her support has been wonderful.

I know not everyone wants to be so close to someone. But for those of you who do, I really wish for you to have it. I was very lonely, never having had a romantic relationship before this, so I know how it is. Years went by, and I thought there would never be anyone for me. I thought I was too strange and irritating for anyone good to want me. I had no idea I'd end up with something so wonderful that, once I had it, not one second of that very long and lonely wait would matter anymore.

Please don't lose hope out there! Yes, you can be loved!

I know it seems at odds with reality, which is what makes it interesting as it suggests a deeper meaning. I had absolutely no idea what that meaning was until perusing this thread, http://forum.thefreedictionary.com/post ... rry--.aspx , and I find the "If you truly loved someone, you'd never intentionally hurt them so you would never need to apologize. And if one was hurt, they *knew* you didn't mean it as they know you love them." explanation pretty agreeable.

It might also have something to do with the "Regret is all in the eyes" concept, or having a face that looks apologetic or something, and it's as if they can "read your mind" as is pretty common in 'true love' where one 'totally understands' another and vice versa.

Last edited by swbluto on 08 Dec 2011, 6:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.

You have a comma at the end of that url.

I'm not going to claim expertise, but I don't think apologies are unnecessary simply because any harm caused was unintentional. It seems like such a standard in a relationship would stifle communication a bit.

Based on your explanation, I'd say maybe this would work better as a good saying: "Love means never needing to get an apology." It's all about knowing you're loved and being able to forgive. Sometimes my girlfriend will unintentionally hurt my feelings. Sometimes it's even with things we've talked about but that she still does habitually. I can be just as bad. Part of being together long term is knowing you can't expect your partner to be perfect, nor can your partner expect you to be.

I still have to agree with Verdandi, though. It's because I think respect is far more important in a relationship than people realize. The emotion of love comes and goes over time. No emotional state is constant. Chemically speaking, our brains just don't work that way. But love is more than a feeling, and its nature is that what it is can't exactly be said, but what it involves can. And love involves, among other things, respect for your partner (which is an attitude, not a feeling) all the time, whether the "in love" feeling is present or not. So, I stand by what I said. Even if you think you shouldn't have to apologize, do it anyway. It's simply the right thing to do. But if your partner doesn't sometimes, then forgive. Your partner may be forgiving you for times when you don't realize you need to do it, so try to let it go.

Maybe the best saying would be, "Love means knowing you'll forgive each other, even if an apology from one or the other of you is sometimes missing." But that doesn't roll off the tongue as easily as the original saying, so I don't think it'll catch on.

Of course, all this is different if you think your partner really doesn't respect you or is being abusive. Such circumstances call for an entirely different response.