How do you get along with other Aspies?

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Asp-Z
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14 Jan 2012, 3:27 pm

I get along with people based on their personalities, and as some Aspies can still be complete a**holes, I chose both equally.

dianthus
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14 Jan 2012, 3:50 pm

I'm not sure if I know anyone with Asperger's, outside of this forum. There are some people I've known who I suspect may have it, and I see a lot of those traits in my mother's side of the family. I also feel a lot more comfortable posting here than I have on other forums. Based on that, I definitely prefer being around people who are autistic, or have a lot of autistic traits.

But as far as getting along with people goes, I get along very well with NT's. TOO well. To the point that I feel like I'm suppressing myself just to get along with them. I know if I'm really being myself, I'm going to enrage people, and I don't want to deal with that. I've learned how to do what it takes to get along with them, but I wish I didn't have to. It's not always such a good thing to get along with people, sometimes it just means I am avoiding confrontations. I like being around people I don't have to "get along" with, who can just take me being me.

The times when I don't get along with people, doesn't seem to matter if they are NT or not. It's more a matter of circumstances. If the circumstances of being around people dictate that I have to do things their way, and I don't have a lot of freedom or choices, I get difficult. I hate being in a group where you have to do what the group does. For instance I used to go on road trips with friends, and it was a constant battle to get to eat where/when I needed to, or get a rest stop when I needed it. Situations like that push me over the edge really fast.

CyclopsSummers
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14 Jan 2012, 5:49 pm

PersephoneX wrote:

Wow, I'm proud of you. Ranting is not easy to listen to if it's not a subject of interest. It's imperative for Aspies to learn that every story and subject has a beginning, middle and an end and look for cues of boredom in the listener.

A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.

Thank you... though I sometimes catch myself ranting, too. I try to remember to stop myself when I notice, but sometimes it slips through.

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Sibyl
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14 Jan 2012, 6:23 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:

Yeah, my most enjoyable conversations are usually with NTs. I don't know many aspies, but a lot of the ones I met in person I just couldn't really connect with. If I did, it felt very shallow and forced.

Quote:

People with AS, in contrast, are harder for me to relax around as they are not as emotionally expressive or in touch with their emotions...and it's harder for me to know if they are feeling a certain way or not. The way I am trying to buffer this is to find commonalities between me and the person with AS and focus on the mutual things that draw us together.

That's usually the case, except with one guy I know who is an aspie barrista. He's an odd ball, but very responsive and easy to talk to.

I sort of relate to how you said you can't relax, but I don't know if it's that I can't relax, so much as I can't really engage them so I get frustrated. I feel like I'm talking to myself. I almost get the impression they don't like me, so I just give up.

My son-in-law recently pointed out to me that in conversation, I just sit there, and don't do the little "feedback" things that NTs do when they're listening, nods, some eye contact things, grunts, "uh-huh"s, etc, This gives him (and my daughter too, who's known me all her life, and who first pointed out my Asperger's to the shrinks for diagnosis) the notion that I'm not listening (and I AM), or not connected. Maybe you have that NT trait, to expect those things? Or picked it up somehow?

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Ganondox
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15 Jan 2012, 1:22 am

I don't know any other Aspies down here, I swear I'm the only Aspie in the entire freaking country (except I know thats not true). I do tend to get along better with the intellectual or nerdy types than other people. As for people who have been diagnosed with AS, lets just say that from my experience I get along better with them online.

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