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Reynaert
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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01 Feb 2012, 8:29 am

169Kitty wrote:
I did do a bit of Google searching and it appears that difficulty in asking for help is common in Asperger's because sometimes they don't know how to ask or recognize when to ask. However clinical writing does not always correlate with real world experience. So I thought I'd ask all of you if you have or had problems asking for help.


Yes, I too have a lot of trouble asking for help. But the reason you quoted is plain wrong; it really shows how NT people are truly incapable of understanding the way AS people think.
We *know* how to ask. We *recognize* when to ask. We just don't *want* help, even if we need it.
Our instincts are simply different. We're much more individualistic. Being treated as inferior for most of our lives only increases this instinctive aversion to help.

This neatly ties into the Neanderthal theory: They used to live in small social groups, and they used to go out hunting alone. So they needed to be able to fend for themselves. If they got hurt, the last thing they'd want to do is attract the attention of nearby predators. If they really did need help, the only way to get it was to make it home by themselves, and then get the needed help there. Within the small social group, help was given freely, without any need to ask, because they knew each other well enough to just know.



beers
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01 Feb 2012, 8:36 am

Yeah.
Even more so if it is a situation which could leave me vulnerable or give someone some sort of perceived leverage over me (for example, the proposition of discussing the possibility of exhibiting Aspie traits to an uninformed coworker).

Most tasks I have trouble asking as well. A lot of it seems to stem that the process people apply to most situations does not follow any sort of logical deduction to me and makes me nervous as to the reliable consistency of the solution. I work in an IT environment, so one example of this would be giving a mundane task to one of my underlings. I would rather complete it myself as each configuration or troubleshooting step is methodically processed.

I get a bit defensive if I do end up asking for help and feel I am being patronized. It's no fault of the person I am discussing with, but frequently they will go to the most basic of foundational knowledge as a starting point. I'm generally paranoid that it is mildly insulting how someone could insinuate overlooking the most basic of steps but am not sure why I am predisposed to that mentality.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 131 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 62 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


VeganMudblood
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01 Feb 2012, 9:20 pm

I have always tried to avoid asking for help if I can manage on my own, even if it requires more effort or time. Same for me with the groceries; I'll have my arms so full I'll have to kick the vehicle door shut, and open the front door with my elbow (it has a thumb latch handle). If I absolutely cannot perform a task on my own, or could possibly break something (which would result in a feeling of failure outweighing that of needing assistance), I'll reluctantly ask for help, but I avoid it at all costs.

I'm not sure what plays a factor in that. I am more of the independent type, although my role as the oldest child may have a part in that. As for asking for help with academics, my reluctance to do so may be a combination of pride as well as fear of condescension. In elementary school (before I was home-schooled) I was publicly mocked if I needed help with math, the shame of which I still carry with me today. So, my hesitance in asking for help seems to be innate, and exacerbated by my social phobia and fear of humiliation.



Damo78
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02 Feb 2012, 2:52 am

Asking for help is about the last thing I will ever do in a given situation. I will always try to figure things out for myself. In fact, when I was younger people much older than myself would come to me for help with "technical" issues like figuring out how to set a timer on something (it was always timers for some reason) and I instinctively knew how to help.

I will only appraoch for help if i'm getting into something I have absolutely no idea about. I will ask for a little help, albeit grudgingly, in order to get the ball rolling but from there on I like to be left to my own devices to figure the rest of something out.

I can also identify with the fact that asking for help makes me feel super-self comscious and anxious that by asking for help I will be considered dumb or a failure by others.


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Your Aspie score: 157 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


Invader
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06 Feb 2012, 5:47 pm

169Kitty wrote:
It didn't help that when I did ask for help for something major my request was frequently rejected.


I know how that is. When I was small, and first asked how to tie my shoes, my mother quickly grew frustrated by my confusion over her half-assed instructions, and decided that the best way for me to learn was to simply throw me down the stairs.

Things like that have made it difficult to be sure whether or not my autism plays a role in my reluctance to ask for help. :lol:



kaiouti
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07 Feb 2012, 4:58 am

No. People have trouble figuring out how to help me and some are useless either they don't have answers to my question or plain bad problem solving skills.



kahlua
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07 Feb 2012, 5:48 am

beers wrote:
Yeah.
Even more so if it is a situation which could leave me vulnerable or give someone some sort of perceived leverage over me.


Same here. I'm also a perfectionist, and asking for help indicates that I've failed and require assistance. I don't show weakness as it opens the doorway for attack.

I also feel that by asking, it requires the favour to be returned.



Heidi80
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07 Feb 2012, 5:59 am

It depends what the situation is. I get lost really easily, so I have no problems asking for directions. Ohterways, I have to be pretty desperate to ask strangers for help.