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People with milder forms of autism struggle as adults

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Verdandi
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29 Mar 2012, 3:37 pm

Successful is usually used to mean:

* Can support yourself
* Can work
* Can live independently
sometimes
* Has a family

This definition of "successful" is not one I particularly care for, but these kinds of things are usually what's meant.



Sweetleaf
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29 Mar 2012, 3:39 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Successful is usually used to mean:

* Can support yourself
* Can work
* Can live independently
sometimes
* Has a family

This definition of "successful" is not one I particularly care for, but these kinds of things are usually what's meant.


I fail at all of those.....well I have a family but they are at fault for giving birth to me, rather then me having gotten married and had a kid and thus have a family of my own. But yes as far as I know that is a typical definition of success.


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faerie_queene87
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29 Mar 2012, 3:46 pm

arko5 wrote:

Thankfully I'm at university again now so I don't have to deal with that (yet), but I'm dreading graduation when I'll have to face the employment market. Anxiety about change/new situations makes it hard enough to apply for jobs but with the current jobs market I just feel that I stand no chance compared to the thousands of others who don't have social difficulties. Even now I'm noticing people building up contacts and getting work experience in my course, they're not necessarily the best in the subject but they're 'proactive' (I hate that word) and approach the lecturers whereas I'm not even comfortable approaching my supervisor if there's something I need to discuss. Through school I always thought 'good grades = good prospects', but it seems more and more that the world is built on social foundations and I'm not sure I can deal with that.

/rant over :D


I'm going through the employment issue right now :( No matter how much I study about interviews and body language, and how much I prepare to each single interview, it is always a jump in the void. It is extremely hard for me to manage saying the appropriate things and applying the right non-verbal language at the same time. After 45' of any meaningful conversation I am completely exhausted and aching, and my performance drops. I also can't really draw the line between showing off "the right way" and sounding arrogant and rude, and I am not able to "read between the lines" to understand why I am asked certain things. So complicated :x


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Ecl713
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29 Mar 2012, 3:50 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Successful is usually used to mean:

* Can support yourself
* Can work
* Can live independently
sometimes
* Has a family

This definition of "successful" is not one I particularly care for, but these kinds of things are usually what's meant.


Ya I fail at life. :(
The only reason I have a job is because my dad talked his boss into hiring me. In fact all 4 of my jobs my parents got for me.
And I still live at home, can't drive, and only had one girlfriend in my life.
So I know I'm not successful.



hanyo
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29 Mar 2012, 3:53 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Successful is usually used to mean:

* Can support yourself
* Can work
* Can live independently
sometimes
* Has a family


I don't do any of those things. I'm single, live with my mother, and don't work.



OJani
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29 Mar 2012, 3:58 pm

VisInsita wrote:
I think the article made a very relevant point visible. I have sometimes thought that having HFA in itself disables me. By that I don’t mean the label itself, but rather the fact that by giving me an ability to live independently and make my own decisions unlike people with severe autism, my autism leaves me very alone. I live independently in my messy house, I work and I can make my own financial decisions, but since I can live independently that also means utter loneliness and being left on your own. I’ve never been in a relationship and my “friendships” usually have ended before they even started. So it seems I lack the ability to form a support network of my own. Most of the time I enjoy my solitary activities and inner life, but to be honest, there are also moments of immense loneliness and desperation. It’s not nice to think, where I am going to spend my Christmases when my mother dies… Who am I going to call then?

I don't know how old are you, but according to my experience, as I got older I've become more able to hold friendships. So, there's always a hope. Unfortunately, I have never had luck with romantic relationships so far at age 39, it seems so much more difficult for me to handle.



VisInsita
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29 Mar 2012, 4:20 pm

Okay Verdandi, that is successful…? :lol:

I have a job, which also means that I am able to support myself. I work in a library with pretty mundane tasks, but I do enjoy having the little bit of money I get. I have no social life though.

Many of here are very young, so don’t lose your hopes yet. I had my first job at 24. It was arranged by the “social officials” (I didn’t bother to check the correct term in English, so excuse me) for me to get a taste of the working life. My second job was arranged by them also. I was able to choose a job from places they offered and the job interview was just a formality.

My first real job I got at 27 and by my own means.

I don’t feel particularly successful though. There are severely autistic people stacking trays in cafeterias, and a bit more functioning ones stacking books and databases in a library :lol: , but at the end what counts, is that you feel satisfied with your life.

And to OJani, I am some years younger than you. It is good to live in Hope, said the tapeworm. :)



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29 Mar 2012, 4:25 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Successful is usually used to mean:

* Can support yourself
* Can work
* Can live independently
sometimes
* Has a family

This definition of "successful" is not one I particularly care for, but these kinds of things are usually what's meant.


shrug, I have those things. There is a link between them though, I can see how this list is all or nothing. If you have work and can support yourself, you can attract a spouse who will help you live independently and remain in work and give you family.

The hardest thing about being successful is it could all slip away so easily, and just because you have these things doesn't mean it's easy to maintain them.

Jason



Verdandi
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29 Mar 2012, 4:34 pm

VisInsita wrote:
Okay Verdandi, that is successful…? :lol:

I have a job, which also means that I am able to support myself. I work in a library with pretty mundane tasks, but I do enjoy having the little bit of money I get. I have no social life though.

Many of here are very young, so don’t lose your hopes yet. I had my first job at 24. It was arranged by the “social officials” (I didn’t bother to check the correct term in English, so excuse me) for me to get a taste of the working life. My second job was arranged by them also. I was able to choose a job from places they offered and the job interview was just a formality.

My first real job I got at 27 and by my own means.


I'm 42, and every attempt to work has ended in burnout, getting fired, or both. Given that I've had three entire day jobs since I was 21, and not one of them lasted very long, and not one of them came close to supporting me (the best-paying job I had was worth less than $500/month).

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I don’t feel particularly successful though. There are severely autistic people stacking trays in cafeterias, and a bit more functioning ones stacking books and databases in a library :lol: , but at the end what counts, is that you feel satisfied with your life.


I feel pretty satisfied with my life, but I have no illusions about what I am capable of. When I talk about "success" I mean in terms of objective measures, not in terms of quality of life or personal satisfaction or happiness.



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29 Mar 2012, 4:40 pm

paddy26 wrote:
what would be an example of a structured daily routine?


Going to sleep and waking up at the same times each day, performing personal hygiene daily, eating the requisite number of meals at roughly the same time each day--that kind of thing. It seems there are a significant number of autistics who stay up most of the night, sleep most of the day, and only shower or eat food when they remember to do so, if they don't have a daily routine to remind them.



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29 Mar 2012, 5:01 pm

Verdandi wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
what about all those highly successful aspie types on wall street and silicon valley/microsoft meadow? how do THEY do it? i read someplace that children who had hellish childhoods but grew up to be successful adults had one thing in common- tested IQs above 140. presumably these were NT individuals, and i don't know much more IQ brain horsepower an autist would need to compare to this, but just for the sake of a thought experiment let's put it at some level higher than 140. maybe they should've done a study just comparing those super IQ autists with a control group of NTs. just a thought.


I have one of those super IQs. Not doing me much good.

Karla Fisher has one as well, and she's been fairly successful with a lot of effort. I think one difference between us (based on what she's said) is that she has fewer executive function problems than I do. I suspect that opportunity has also played a role, but I can't prove anything there.

Also, I think the article I linked covers it. High intellectual level or language skills doesn't mean you're going to do better. Some people do end up having careers and otherwise functioning well, but that kind of statistical spread is normal. I doubt it's directly linked to having a high measured IQ.


I think you're right miss kitty. I don't think most people are aware of just how important EF is to success. A broken EF is like knowing it's raining but not knowing to get out of the rain.



VisInsita
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29 Mar 2012, 5:02 pm

Verdandi, I don't know if it is alright to ask, but why did you get fired? Did it had to do with your ASD? You don't need to answer, if you think asking was inappropriate.



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29 Mar 2012, 5:15 pm

arielhawksquill wrote:
paddy26 wrote:
what would be an example of a structured daily routine?


Going to sleep and waking up at the same times each day, performing personal hygiene daily, eating the requisite number of meals at roughly the same time each day--that kind of thing. It seems there are a significant number of autistics who stay up most of the night, sleep most of the day, and only shower or eat food when they remember to do so, if they don't have a daily routine to remind them.


I certainly 'succeed' at being a typical Aspie, then. :lol:



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29 Mar 2012, 6:47 pm

paddy26 wrote:
what would be an example of a structured daily routine?


Presumably they mean some kind of external structure, like going to work or college or doing something in the world. I don't think they mean that people are sitting at home being unstructured rather than sitting at home being structured. :roll:



bnky
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29 Mar 2012, 6:55 pm

arielhawksquill wrote:
paddy26 wrote:
what would be an example of a structured daily routine?


Going to sleep and waking up at the same times each day, performing personal hygiene daily, eating the requisite number of meals at roughly the same time each day--that kind of thing. It seems there are a significant number of autistics who stay up most of the night, sleep most of the day, and only shower or eat food when they remember to do so, if they don't have a daily routine to remind them.


Oops! it's 1am! Dinner!? :-$



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29 Mar 2012, 6:56 pm

I succeed at some things..
I have (mostly) remained employed in the decades since my college graduation ( I did that one, too!) but I still work below what I should with my IQ. Also, I did manage to live alone for about four years. I have managed to be semi-independent of my family. Even supported my mom for a couple of years. However, I had to declare bankruptcy at one point & got into even WORSE financial trouble. It must be said though, I also suffer from Crohn's disease and that is a hideous chronic health problem ( it resulted in the bankruptcy, etc. in part..) so I will not blame my suspected ASD yet.
Not totally..

Sincerely,
Matthew