How is your dating/relationship life?

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Which describes your situation most accurately?
I'M A MAN. I am married or in a steady relationship and have never experienced dating problems. 1%  1%  [ 2 ]
I'M A MAN. I am married or in a steady relationship, but I used to have dating problems in the past. 8%  8%  [ 14 ]
I'M A MAN. I am currently single, but I don't have any problems with dating in general. 6%  6%  [ 11 ]
I'M A MAN. I am single, and I do experience chronic dating problems, which might be AS-related. 47%  47%  [ 80 ]
I'M A WOMAN. I am married or in a steady relationship and have never experienced dating problems. 5%  5%  [ 8 ]
I'M A WOMAN. I am married or in a steady relationship, but I used to have dating problems in the past. 11%  11%  [ 18 ]
I'M A WOMAN. I am currently single, but I don't have any problems with dating in general. 2%  2%  [ 4 ]
I'M A WOMAN. I am single, and I do experience chronic dating problems, which might be AS-related. 20%  20%  [ 34 ]
Total votes : 171

Sagroth
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06 Apr 2012, 12:21 am

Can you define "dating problems?" because I never really had problems finding a girlfriend, though keeping one for longer than 2 years was a challenge.

Anyhow,,I'm currently married. We've been married for 3 years and living together for 8.


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mrspotatohead
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07 Apr 2012, 2:48 am

I have always had an easy time attracting men romantically, but keeping them romantically interested for long periods was hard. My husband is NT, but culturally atypical--he's from Eastern Europe and lacks a lot of the inhibitions Americans are brought up with. Thus, I guess even though he has noticed my unusual inhibitions and has trouble understanding them, he at least appreciates that my inhibitions differ from most Americans'. For instance, I am greatly inhibited to lying, cheating, talking on the phone or to new people, making eye contact... but I am under no pretenses that going topless at a beach will equate to others visually raping me and I am generally more open to and interested in other cultures and highly interested in languages.
On the other hand, my relationship is confusing sometimes because lately I have felt very asexual toward him and more interested in women... because my sexuality seems to go in huge cycles that can go for as long as a year or as short as a month--sometimes I like women more than men and sometimes I like men more than women. I wonder if this is a part of AS that I may have that might fall under the category of identity issues. It's also interesting that, although attracting and communicating my attraction to men has always been easy, I have always been strongly inhibited in pursuing any romantic interest I may have toward a woman. And if I find female friends attractive, then I have an even harder time being around them for fear they may find out and be either disgusted or bothered by it.



lostmyself
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07 Apr 2012, 3:14 am

Most of my problems revolve around being cold to my partners apparently. My excuse is I don't like showing too much emotion too early in a relationship. I need to be in a relationship atleast a few months say 6-7 before I start bonding emotionally. I don't know if that is the norm for most people but I am apparently very cold and unyielding :shrug: . My current relationship is going well. I seem to be opening up faster about my feelings to him than I ever did to anyone.



Cash__
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07 Apr 2012, 10:32 am

I'M A MAN. I am married or in a steady relationship, but I used to have dating problems in the past.



anneurysm
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07 Apr 2012, 8:48 pm

Have had issues with my dating identity and knowing what I really wanted in a partner. For a while, I was convinced I was polygamous, whereas in reality this was due to my insecurity and fear of close relationships (I liked having distance from my partners because I was afraid of them finding out what I was really all about). Plus, the type of guys that I continued to see were misogynistic and in denial of their own issues. The perfect guy was around the whole time, and I always had a crush on him and his loving, giving, accepting nature. Now that I have welcomed him into my life, we are happily dating, and at last, I have someone I can be free around. :)



glider18
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07 Apr 2012, 8:54 pm

I am a man that is married and have not experienced dating problems in the past. Reason? The girl I went on my first date with became my wife---and we have been happily married ever since.


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pete1061
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07 Apr 2012, 9:18 pm

I'm a man, single and I have always had problems getting dates.
I've had only 2 girlfriends in my almost 42 years. The first at 21, it lasted only a month. She dumped me because she said I was too negative. The 2nd for 5 years from 25-30. We lived together, got engaged, but broke off the engagement when we both fell into deep depression after both getting laid off work. In retrospect, I suspect my 2nd girlfriend might have also had autistic tendencies. maybe it was our mutual AS issues that drove us apart.

Since then I have had extreme difficulty finding work. And not wanting to be a "deadbeat boyfriend" I don't bother considering the idea of dating until I have a steady job. It is my belief that women are less likely to put up with supporting a man than a man is willing to support a women. Or maybe society programs men to not be very comfortable with the idea of being supported by a woman. Not exactly sure why, but There are lot less men being financially supported by women than women being supported by men.

Anyhow, no job = no dates.
Unemployed is about the most unattractive thing a man can be.

It's a sad lonely life for me.

I also don't handle rejection well, so I'm too afraid to ask women out. my lack of employment already puts two strikes against me.
My fear of rejection also makes it really hard to get a job, I actually get more emotionally distraught over being rejected for a potential job than I do being rejected by a woman.

I've kinda painted myself into a corner.


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Adam82
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07 Apr 2012, 9:57 pm

I'm a man, and I've never had a girlfriend in my life. I think my dating problems are AS related



Aspergian_Abroad
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07 Apr 2012, 11:46 pm

I'm an AS man, and I had dating problems my entire life. In retrospect (especially when I talk to friends about the past), I realize that there were a number of girls and women who were interested in me over the years. But I was sooo shy, and simply had no idea what to do. Therefore, I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 26, and have had only four serious relationships (including a 14-year marriage) in my life.

Fortunately, at age 48, I am now engaged to an absolutely wonderful woman, and though we do have some problems (some AS related), we are very happy together. So, there's hope for us all!


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kBillingsley
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08 Apr 2012, 12:01 am

I AM A YOUNG MAN, and I have never dated anyway.



Callista
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08 Apr 2012, 2:13 am

What about those of us who simply don't date, and don't want to? That could be because you're asexual/a-romantic, as I am, or because you prefer some other way of meeting possible partners, like having your family help you choose (or even having them choose for you, as is still done in some cultures). Some people are only attracted to those they already have strong friendships with, and so don't use traditional dating at all. And there are those who aren't dating yet, and don't want to, not because they're asexual but because they feel they're too young to start or because they want to focus on something else. Then there are people who are in a small minority group and simply find it hard to locate enough people of their preferred gender who are also attracted to them.

So yeah, you need an "I don't date/Other" option.


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RazorEddie
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08 Apr 2012, 8:35 am

I'm with Callista on this one. I have never dated but I don't see it as a problem. I've just never been interested.


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YellowBanana
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08 Apr 2012, 9:57 am

I chose woman, married, no dating problems.

However I don't really know if I would have had any dating problems as I married my first date...


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Blindspot149
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08 Apr 2012, 10:33 am

I voted married with dating problems in the past, but they were chronic, highly impairing problems. However this was confined to the emotional aspect of dating, I always felt very empowered by the physical aspect of what could loosely be described as 'dating'.


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SpongeBobRocksMao
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08 Apr 2012, 7:30 pm

Well, I may only be 18, but I've never really been successful with dating. I understand that some would say "I'm too young, I've got plenty of time to date", but I get the feeling that I'll always have dating problems.


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MathGirl
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11 Apr 2012, 8:51 am

I'm a woman who didn't care about dating until I've met a guy in an Asperger's group who I became attracted to. We are now in a relationship. I don't know what is considered to be relationship problems. I've gone through some strange scenarios in the past, but not by my own will. And I have a stalker who, after 2 years of me ignoring him, still continues to stalk me. I've met him on Aspie Affection as an experiment. :?


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