Video: Autistic toddler throws tantrum in parking lot

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Wow, my mother never went that extreme with me. But she did take away my obsessions thinking she get me to stop it but they be stuck in my head instead. Luckily they were movie obsessions so I was forbidden to watch the movies I was obsessed with. She stopped taking them away and trying to limit when I was 12 after she found out about AS. She realized they helped kept me calm.

If you look this is at a buffet, I suspect the child wanted ot go up and get more, but the mom was done and decided it was time to leave, when the child still wanted to stay and eat more.

Temple Grandin has written that what worked for her were punishments were one evening (iirc), and she was given times to do whatever she wanted and times where things were controlled where she had to act polite. Don't expect an autistic child who's in the middle of an overwhelming situation to not have a meltdown. Do expect the child to learn how to act politely through one meal that is sensory friendly, with them having the option to go and stim all they want and be as visibly autistic as they want afterwards.

The person you're talking about is a child. The person you are talking about is also a child with abnormal needs. If you're not meeting the child's needs, they won't be able to preform how you want them to. You can't just punish and expect them to figure everything out and magically know how to pretend to be NT. It doesn't work like that, especially in a 3 year old. You need to work through it with them, pushing them to push themselves, without the goal being to pretend to be NT.

Autistic children will have meltdowns sometimes and they will be in public at times. Autistic adults will have meltdowns sometimes and they will be in public at times. Removing people from the situation as long as it is safe and possible is a good plan for both the people around and often the person who's being overwhelmed by the situation. This isn't always an option, however and you cannot expect it to always be an option - you can only push for it to be an option as often as possible.

Meltdowns aren't pleasant. To suggest that someone purposefully has a meltdown and can control it if you remove everything they enjoy and keep themselves sane with for months is irrational. We need to both know that we need to try to do what we can for the people around us, and we need to have ourselves and others try to help the situations be ones that won't cause meltdowns.

Well I already told you how to do it. Learn when to put your foot down & be warmth on others. Any other way & I would think you did not bother buying any real parenting books.

Or you do not understand sending mixed signals. I can give you an easy example. Difference between a teacher who fails the boundary test & a teacher that does not.

Tough Love. But I am talking in my way of tough. Any other way & you double or triple the thing that is going to happen on the other end.

How much “foot down” depends on if the starter ones don't work. Any parents that are divided in the agreed Tough Love. Fail to reinforce, as they sending mixed signals. One is been tough & one is been warmth. Not going to go well, as your going to be divided.

Child:- No I don't want to go, I want to go back in.
Parent:- We are going get in the car.
Child:- Starts tantrums "Get what I want, I will make a public scene".
Parent:- Your drawing attention to me, everyone will be looking at me.
Daughter:- This is funny, got to get this on tape.
Parent:- Starts laughing at his tantrums, while daughter is too.
Child:- Hits car.
Parent:- Finally uses Tough Love & says don't hit other peoples car, without smiling.

In the end has the behaviour of tantrums been addressed? Or you think it's going to happen again.

Edit:- Authoritative parenting.

Maybe it is too extreme. I will rethink my thoughts on this. Maybe only 2 weeks would suffice. Honestly, I don't think I'm ready to be a dad quite yet. You do have a child. First, how old is your child and is your child AS or NT or something else? What techniques do you use to keep his behavior in check? The very least I would do is remove the child from the establishment as to not disturb anyone else.

Ok I don't think only allowing a toddler a bible and the means to do homework for 4 months, over them not being able to contain them-self in public is very extreme and un-nessisary.

Best thing to do especially in the case of autism in my opinion would be...remove the child from the situation, take them home to a more familiar place where they will be more calm and try to avoid keeping the child in overwhelming situations that can cause meltdowns for too long. If it happens obviously the public might not want to listen to a screaming child...so remove the child but don't harshly punish them for having a meltdown, that's cruel.

Punishments are for intentional mis-behavior....not being a kid with a developmental disability who's still working on impulse control, and has not been taught better ways to express their discomfort other then having a meltdown or whatever. Thing is its not always possible for any child especially one with autism to behave in public for hours on end.....I know when I was a kid there were times it was not possible because I might get too overwhelmed by the environment or things like that and all punishing me for it would have done is build more resentment(not to say I never was but I can't remember any particular incidents).

Sweetleaf, I must've misstated my words. I would not punish a child for something they could not control. Of course not!! I know of a child who steals things. He has ODD or oppositional defiant disorder. I'm about to go on a different tangent if you don't mind. This child held a knife for one of his so called friends and he was arrested at school and charged with a felony. There are those of us including me who believe in neurodiversity and believe in being themselves but herein lies the problem I have with neurodiversity even though I still believe it its core tenets. Should one always be true to himself? Should one always be himself? How far should being oneself and acceptance go? This kid truly believes he is being his true natural self by stealing and doing other things I won't get into. He has clearly stated that he does not care what anyone thinks of him. His parents disagree and wants him to fit into to society.

The problem is in a sense they are both right. Should this kid be allowed to set fires and claim he is being himself and he does not care what anyone else thinks? Should he be allowed to eventually start to cut himself and claim he is being himself? Neurodiversity and acceptance is fine and dandy to a certain extent but how far should it go? There are standards of behavior a child must be made to comform to. There can be no if ands or buts about that. IMHO, somehow certain behaviors have to be nipped in the bud.

My question is this. Is it possible for one to be true to oneself and still conform to societal standards and expectations? Just because we have aspergers/autism does this mean we should get a free pass on everything we do or not do? Yes, some of us do have stims but we have to take into account those around us. Do our stims disturb other people and distract them from doing their work? There are things we should attempt to change.

Just because one has aspergers should one always get what they want all the time? Is this part of neurodiversity and being true to one self? Yes one should be oneself but you still have to take into account those around you. We don't live in a vaccum. The child truthfully needs to learn this.

Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 25 Apr 2012, 9:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well I guess I just don't see a toddler acting out a little in public as reason to ground them from all activities they enjoy for 4 months...of course there has to be limits on what is allowed but there are better ways to teach then constant punishments...but maybe I did misunderstand, I mean if you weren't meaning things they can't control then what I say does not totally apply to what you said..but also I think even if something is intentional mis-behavior the punishment should fit the crime so to speak, no need to go overboard.

I agree, that looks like a pretty standard tantrum, my 5 year old still does that from time to time. Of course if you are having these several times a day then I can understand how that would be extremely tough.

It wasn't particularly disturbing, the mother handled it well.

Jason

My son is only a year old and he is NT so far. He can climb onto things now and I have to pull him off and he demands more of my attention, I keep the baby gates up, I have taped cardboard over the TV buttons and cable box to keep him from messing with it. I keep the coffee table in front of the entertainment center to keep him out. I will pull him away from the dresser drawers and glass doors on the entertainment center. I keep the bathroom door and bedroom door closed and have child proof door knobs on the door knobs. I also let him make messes with things that can't be ruined like he loves to play with his diapers so I let him or play with his socks and wash cloths and shoes and he will sometimes go in the drawer and pull out all the hand towels and washcloths and hot pads. But I can clean it all up like in ten minutes.

He does very good out in public most of the time. He rarely has an episode. One time I had to leave the book store and couldn't read about Titanic because my son kept taking off and I had to keep going after him and he wouldn't stay in the area and I couldn't keep him in his stroller or he'd cry so finally I left reminding myself that is why I always prefer to go alone but my husband had to kick me out of our apartment because the cable guy was coming and he didn't want to be distracted by our son so he made me leave with him. It took me a while to leave because it was on short notice and unplanned and I had to adjust to the change and think of where to go and it was stressful doing it. Then I thought I can go and read on the Titanic all those magazines are having. I decided on a mall to go to because of a video game store they have there.

Sometimes I slap his hand when he touches things he isn't supposed to touch. I know this is something my own mother did to me when I was that young because I am seeing myself doing it to him and I remember her telling me she slap my hands for touching the books above the bottom bookshelf. But I don't slap his hands often because it doesn't really work because he just goes back and doing it again like the next day. It may work for a bit but then he forgets. I just take stuff from him and if he pulls anything off the bookshelf, I grab it from him and tell him no and put it back. I also try and direct him to do something else like telling him to play with his toys.

You people make me sick. Your abusing an introverted kid. Throttle-down system, the system becomes more active when the children are around eighteen months to two years old. We learn to calm ourselves down in order to learn potty training & language.

I think it is too extreme. 3-4 months is appropriate only for adults (it is a sentence some California judges seem to routinely give to celebrities). My parents used grounding (I am NT) and I do to (my daughter is autistic) but they never exceeded one week (and they were considered strict) and I never exceed one day.

I have also used removing but it is not a punishment. It is a mercy both to the child and to others in wherever they are melting down. I don't punish meltdowns. (The grounding is infrequent and used only for refusal to do needed things.) Instead I learn from them and also try to get my daughter to learn from them- both of us learn what her triggers are and she learns to notify me before the meltdown happens so we can leave (this has been very succesful). But that's not punishment.

I think the child you describe should be attending a special school for kids with the kind of problems he has. These are problems that go beyond what an ordinary classroom can handle and what parents can handle too. There are schools that are set up to deal with this- not necessarily in a punitive way. When I was looking for an alternative school for my daughter I found some by googling. She isn't in such a school because it wouldn't be appropriate for her but in reading their homepages, it sounded like that kid should be going to such a school. (Homepages not linked to preserve my geographical anonymity.)

Was that directed at me?

I am not going to let my child wreck the TV buttons or the cable buttons on the box. I also will not let him get hurt by letting him climb onto things or have him get into stuff he can ruin. I let him play all over the apartment (living room and dining room) and in his bedroom but he is not allowed in the bathroom by himself nor in our bedroom. I don't want him getting into the trash and our bedroom is not baby proof. Plus I will not let him run all over the bookstore by himself because that is something that lazy parents do and not ever watch their kids. Plus it's not a daycare and strangers are not permitted to watch someone's child because someone was too lazy to do their job as a parent because they would rather spend time reading about their own interest than being a parent.


Plus I won't let him have things he can get hurt with. Ever heard of baby proofing? Ever checked out the website s**t My Kids Ruined? I sure don't want that to be me but I never tell myself "That will never happen to me" or 'My kid will never do that." You never know because I can remember doing stupid things as a toddler.

I understand. I'll temper that down. If I had a child I just don't want him or her ending up in prison or dead. I would need help to find the appropriate discipline methods. Discipline does not only mean punishment it can mean teaching as well. Honestly, I wonder if I would even make a good father.

It sounds like you are being a good mom.