Was I too tough on kid with aspergers

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Joined: 4 Jan 2012
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01 Jul 2012, 7:14 pm

Having been called BOTH terms in the discussion I can relate to this topic.
Frankly, I think the ASD person was being a bigot.
The right path is the hardest one though. You should have chosen to IGNORE his statement & gone from there. Though personally, turning the other cheek was never my strongpoint in my youth. Plenty of bruises given & recceived.

Sincerely,
Matthew

Rascal77s
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01 Jul 2012, 8:49 pm

fleurdelily wrote:

two wrongs don't make it right, luv.

I've never understood that saying. After 30+ years of hearing it, I still can't make any sense of it.

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01 Jul 2012, 9:05 pm

Callista wrote:

Whether it was intentional or not, he still needs to know about it. If it's intentional, you're calling him out on being an ass; if it's unintentional, you're telling him what he did wrong so he can avoid it next time. If that were me and it were unintentional, I'd prefer to be told. How am I supposed to fix it when I have no clue I'm doing it wrong? In the case of unintentionally insulting somebody for being gay, I think I might well start crying out of shame--but don't take that as a reason not to tell me; however much it hurts to know, it would hurt more to learn about it only after I'd managed the same mistake five more times and hurt five more people.

This, definitely.

I really appreciate the times someone told me I said/did something wrong and shouldn't do it again. I would rather know than continue on not understanding.

fleurdelily
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01 Jul 2012, 9:22 pm

Rascal77s wrote:

fleurdelily wrote:

two wrongs don't make it right, luv.

I've never understood that saying. After 30+ years of hearing it, I still can't make any sense of it.

ok, I'll explain. Aspie guy was 100% wrong up unto the point that Emeliobigdealio opened his mouth and said something equally as wrong. Now Emeliobigdealio cannot claim he was the innocent victim. They are both wrong, and equally liable for the hurt feelings their words created. Retaliation is like that. One party wrongs another, but the minute the other guy retaliates, then he is no longer innocent.
so now there are two wrongs, and neither party is right. get it?

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Rascal77s
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01 Jul 2012, 9:38 pm

fleurdelily wrote:

Rascal77s wrote:

fleurdelily wrote:

two wrongs don't make it right, luv.

I've never understood that saying. After 30+ years of hearing it, I still can't make any sense of it.

That's the part I don't understand. If guy #1 triggers guy #2 why is guy #2 wrong? If a guy pulls a gun on you on the street and you kill him, although there is a chance you can subdue him without killing him, does that make you a murderer? I mean it's wrong to kill people, right? Does the saying still apply? I don't think OP handled it in the best way (assuming this story is true), but was he wrong? No.

fleurdelily
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01 Jul 2012, 9:52 pm

Rascal77s wrote:

yes, he is wrong. Aspie guy insulted all gay people. Emeliobigdealio insulted all spectrum people. Which makes them both idiots. It is not the same as defending yourself. aspie guy did not threaten the life of Emeliobigdealio. He did not pull a weapon on him. He insulted his lifestyle, and insulted everyone with the same lifestyle. Emeliobigdealio insulted aspie guy's intellect. And everyone else on the spectrum. No lives were in danger. Now, in a different circumstance, that is how fights get started. And in the court of law, the amount of blame will be determined by the jury for each party based on if the victim retaliated or merely defended. But you are not making a similar comparison at all to go from general insults of entire groups of people, down to gun pulling and lethal force. no, not the same at all.

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edgewaters
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01 Jul 2012, 9:56 pm

If you don't give any consideration or respect to others, you deserve none in return. Everyone should be treated by the ethical standards with which they treat others. This is the only way I have ever seen people learn to have respect for others.

I do not take what Emilio said as an insult against anyone on the spectrum. What matters is intent. Emilio had no intent to put down people with AS, therefore there is no true offence. Jerome did intend to be hurtful towards gays, and he did so without any provocation at all. There is a big difference. It is not equal, or the same, except in a very superficial and narrow view of things.

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01 Jul 2012, 10:02 pm

Rascal77s wrote:

fleurdelily wrote:

Rascal77s wrote:

fleurdelily wrote:

two wrongs don't make it right, luv.

I've never understood that saying. After 30+ years of hearing it, I still can't make any sense of it.

Aspie makes a hate comment against gays
The OP calls him a ret*d for it.

The aspie had no right to make such a comment about gays, the OP had no right to call him a ret*d for it. That be like me calling a black person the n word for him/her insulting me.

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01 Jul 2012, 10:06 pm

Both people in this incident were wrong, saying hurtful things to each other. Simple as that.

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01 Jul 2012, 10:16 pm

fleurdelily wrote:

Rascal77s wrote:

But the comparison is the same as you can see in the quote I said there was a chance of subduing the guy instead of killing him. Just like OP could have asked the guy to leave instead of what he did. He felt personally attacked and attacked back, he was provoked. I can tell you that I did not feel offended as an aspie when this event occurred, did you? Their insults may have been generalizations but they were aiming at each other, not all aspies and gay people.

I already said in a previous post what I thought of this thread in general. I'll end what little interest I have in this thread by saying you and I will have to agree to disagree on this one because I don't think I'll change your mind on this topic and I'm still unable to see it the way you see it.

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01 Jul 2012, 10:26 pm

My head is starting to hurt, man. I'm both Gay and an Aspie. They were both in the wrong and they should both apologize to one another. It was wrong for the autistic dude to say what he said about Gays and it was wrong for the OP to call him a ret*d and use force like that. It was also wrong of the OP to air their dirty laundry by starting this thread in the first place, telling is that he's given the Aspie the same treatment that most of us have been given by our peers during our high school years. I don't like it when people weasel their way on here to announce to us that they called an Aspie a ret*d. Yes, I'm very sensitive about that word. I'm very sensitive about a lot of things. Being made of the same emotional fabric of my role model, to toughen up about such things is not an option. Perhaps if I was more jaded, I wouldn't be sensitive about that word.

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01 Jul 2012, 10:32 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:

It was also wrong of the OP to air their dirty laundry by starting this thread in the first place, telling is that he's given the Aspie the same treatment that most of us have been given by our peers during our high school years. I don't like it when people weasel their way on here to announce to us that they called an Aspie a ret*d.

Now that I can agree with.

Last edited by Rascal77s on 01 Jul 2012, 10:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

arisu
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01 Jul 2012, 10:32 pm

as most of the people replying i believe that you're both in the wrong. the heavier wrong falls on the other guy though.

you reacted emotionally and said something you wouldn't have normally said. the fact that you're thinking about it after the fact, asking people on the internet whether you need to make amends, means you're a good person.

if possible, you should speak to him. tell him that you didn't mean to call him a ret*d (that you did so because you were emotional) but that what he said was disgusting. you also need to determine whether you feel comfortable having this conversation or any others with him.

if you find that you can't speak to him, have a friend tell him, if possible. he may not want to talk to you either so a friend might be a good mediator. you may or may not want to get a school counselor to act as a mediator.

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fleurdelily
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01 Jul 2012, 11:26 pm

Rascal77s wrote:

CockneyRebel wrote:

Now that I can agree with.

same here !

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02 Jul 2012, 8:11 am

That's enough with the troll accusations, thanks - I've removed the accusation and a post quoting it.
It's rather silly that an OP seeking advice about accusations becomes the target of another one...

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layla87
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02 Jul 2012, 5:13 pm

Emeliobigdealio wrote:

Hi, some context: we are both in high school, I was a junior and he was a freshman. I'm gay.

Okay, so a freshman, lets say he's named Jerald. He's sitting at our table, and despite his oddities, we let him sit with us because he's a good guy and didn't have anywhere else to sit. Jerald let off a few really, really inappropriate things about gay people (Hitler would have burned you in the oven, they should be executed, and they're disgusting).

I was mad as hell obviously, and I'm far out of the closet, it's a well known fact.In fact,my friend said he told Jerald that I'm gay. I was so insulted I did something I regret, and stood up and said something along the lines of "Yeah well you would have been right next to me it the oven you f'ing r*tard (A term I don't use as an insult generally, I feel I should mention), so unless you come apologize to my face, go find another place to sit" and pushed his lunch (it was in a box so it didn't spill or anything) at him. He left, and never came back

I feel bad,mostly about the insult I hurled at him. But I know folks it's aspergers know that it's completely wrong to say that stuff, especially around people who are gay. Was I an incredible amount rough on him? I feel I should apologize, but he transferred schools for unrelated reasons.

Shame on you you stupid hypocrite!!

You obviously have no idea how to handle a situation. I would've punched you out!! !

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