What would you do in this situation? (ToM)

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I didn't imagine that the customer was disappointed, not at all (and at no point did I say I thought they felt disappointed, and at no point did I feel they were disappointed). I simply felt that I was misunderstood by the customer. I don't see any mention of the customer's emotion in my post. I simply hate being misunderstood, and I am misunderstood very often, so I try to correct people's misunderstandings. "jumping to a conclusion" in my vocabulary, means "used only part of the information/facts to make a conclusion / neglected information in the process of making a conclusion". My assumption was that the customer neglected everything except for "we don't [usually] do this", 'usually' also being neglected by the customer. Perhaps I'm using the phrase 'jumped to conculsions' incorrectly.

The fact that I didn't think of the customer's emotions at all, until I read your most recent post, shows that I did not "imagine what's going on at an emotional level in another person." I thought only of how -I- was not understood correctly - of how my thoughts, which I -always- think others will understand, were obviously not understood due to the outcome of the entire situation.

While I like that I was seen to have ToM skills, I think these were not true ToM skills but, at the very most, a 'workaround' that I developed over time, and with much linguistic training - or possibly at the least, just a misunderstanding on the part of those thinking I was showing ToM skills, and pure chance for being able to figure out a solution.

I still think it's TOM if you just know it because I think we can all learn TOM skills from experience and going by logic and what we read and analysis. I don't care what the doctors say. My mother tells me about stuff "What is there to understand? Just accept not everyone likes that" or she says there is nothing to understand about it, just accept it or I don't need to understand it, just accept it.

I'm not certain your boss is asking you to convince him of anything. He may just be asking you what happened. Sometimes with NTs there is no between the lines. Sometimes it is a straightforward question. If I were your boss, I'd ask you what happened simply so that I would know. It wouldn't be about finding blame or anything like that.

That's why I advocate for just telling your boss what happened. Facts. No self-justification. No unnecessary commentary. Just tell him what happened and then ask him if he'd like you to take any additional steps.

Jumping ahead: With a Dx, maybe/likely you are protected - good thing.

If at 50, you have this trouble, then the learning curve is probably topped. I reached a best some time ago, but still fall short. You might pick up a few tips here and there.

Not that long ago I had the phone slammed on me because I wanted more information beyond this social intuition, because I'm quite frankly not sure.

Nothing more i can do.

Last edited by Mdyar on 15 Jul 2012, 3:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

Good God man!! ! I need details!! ! LoL.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9iJh1pGwag[/youtube]


TheSunAlsoRises

You: I know company policy is THAT we fill all orders and never say No. There had to be a misunderstanding.

Simple, Clean, No lies and to the point.

TheSunAlsoRises

Ok, I understand your explanation, it was just a coincidence in your case or some "acquired intuition".

But using this as a way of example, I wish I had that "simple feeling". As it is, I wouldn't have discovered in a million years what made the customer so angry.

Maybe the "What happened?" meant: "What made the customer so angry?"

This is exactly what your boss meant. IF your company policy is never say no to a customer(and said customer is aware of this); all they want to hear is YES your order will be ready_________ fill in the blank stating the exact time or date. Anything said THAT insinuates that it can not be done is going to cause anger especially IF the customer is a valued customer( long time and/or profitable).

TheSunAlsoRises

I would think the customer was angry because I was doing my job and I refused to break the rules and he was mad I could not do what he wanted. Yeah people are weird. Customers sometimes get mad at people for doing their jobs and I never understood that.

Moondust wrote:

This was his job. You never say, NO. There is no latitude in telling the customer what he does not want to hear.

Trust me. clean, short, simple, and no lies.

TheSunAlsoRises

That's actually the problem with us Aspies in sales. However much we lie, we always end up lying too little. Eg: how did my boss solve the problem? He pretended to be too busy to answer the customer's complaint (2 days is reasonable, so it's ok), because he knew that 2 days later we'd all be on vacation and when we come back it'll be too late to fulfill that ridiculous request. Lying by avoidance. That's what he would've expected me to do. He's not an Aspie, of course, so for him these things are a piece of cake. The truth will set you free (from employment).

This is EXACTLY what I did, word by word.

However, I'm sure it's not what was expected from me. It's the CORRECT course of action and not the CLEVER course of action. At work, especially with present unemployment levels, there's pressure on you to bring ADDED value in order to keep your job. Doing the correct thing is not enough.

After seeing how my boss solved it, I see that it was expected from me to sneak out of the task in some ingenious way that didn't offend the customer. So "What happened?" may mean: "Why didn't you find a way to dodge both the request and the anger?"

My suggestion was based on knowledge THAT most Aspies do NOT lie, well. The very fact THAT you have to ask HOW to go about handling this situation illustrates my point. IF you were confronted with a tape of your conversation and IF you were confronted with a face to face meeting with the customer; what i had told you to do, would have suffice.

Clean, simple, to the point, and no lies... that could jeopardize your job by making a faux paux.

This is why i asked for more details. IF you are an Aspie THAT can flow in conversation and are adept at face to face body language then by all means....work IT.

IF you and your BOSS have a decent relationship (business and/or personal) proceed.....

IF you have factored in the dynamics of your relationship between your boss, the organization, and client proceed...


TheSunAlsoRises

Last edited by TheSunAlsoRises on 13 Jul 2012, 8:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's the literal course of action.

cause: alluding to the inability to fill an order effect: customer anger

So, this dilemma was based upon a series of simple events.

I'm curious to know the reaction of your boss. Were you able to tell?

TheSunAlsoRises

The important thing is that you learned something from this situation.(none of it your fault)

I suspect that it will happen, again.


You gave your boss a detailed explanation of this incident so IF financial restrictions prevent him from exploring your suggestions THEN you must find other alternatives.

A standard protocol(allowing for some change where needed)

----
Appropriate Tone( professional with courtesy)

You: Sir, we are a little backed up at the moment. BUT, we promise to fill your order as soon as possible. When do you need IT ?

Client: August 10....

You: Sir, we will get on it immediately BUT the earliest we can have your order done is by August 15.

*Depending upon the clients relationship with you, the boss, the company, and how quickly he TRULY needs the order will determine HIS response.



TheSunAlsoRises