Do people with other severe disabilities have more friends?

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Joe90
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07 Nov 2012, 1:47 pm

Name 1 person you know who has Mental Retardation that has the average social life of a typical NT (of their age)?


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07 Nov 2012, 3:46 pm

Callista wrote:
There's an ironic effect that comes out when people have visible vs. invisible disabilities. The more obvious the disability, the less people expect you to act like a typical person. There's more acceptance of those with obvious disabilities as they are. Not to say that they don't have problems of their own--being patronized and underestimated, for one thing--but they do tend to have people accept them as atypical, rather than assume they are typical and just being rude.


If I was in a wheelchair, people would not think about it twice if I hesitated in front of an automatic door, but if an automatic door unnerves me (they do off and on, depending on noise and speed and other environmental factors) and i do not move in or out of the way fast enough,I am being rude and in the way. So I got to liking to walk in to stores with them backwards. So now I am weird and superstitious.



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07 Nov 2012, 5:51 pm

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Name 1 person you know who has Mental Retardation that has the average social life of a typical NT (of their age)?


Most have social lives more similar to their 'mental age'. MR means all cognitive skills are delayed to a roughly equal extent, and that includes social skills. But many high functioning autistics have poorer social skills than MR individuals, because autistics often struggle with things that very young non-autistic kids find easy (eg following direction of eye gaze, NT toddlers can do this but many older autistics can't).



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07 Nov 2012, 7:42 pm

Maybe people are more empathetic towards people who are more severely disabled.


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07 Nov 2012, 10:41 pm

I think the obviousness of the disability has a lot to do with how people react to it. You can see a wheelchair, and you can often tell that someone has FAS or Down just by looking at them. This isn't the case with Aspergers.



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17 Apr 2013, 6:17 am

i am m moderate autistic and aruond that middle function range if you want to use those stupid discription
anyways the truth is a downie is more acceptable because they DO look different and not in a bad way either as a fellow '' gimp peer'' i notice too the DS folks have more friends then the othr DD MR populations and auties and aspie folks NOT ALWAYS but in the current state i live... most of us are very isolated because our so called suport services is very strong aboit '' community inclusion'' which takes us awway from our own community and forces us onto the ''' normie'' community who really jus t tolertes us there is no true '' inclusion'' really at all for any of the DD MR follks as a whole... im actually lookin to move because i been all over and this so called progrersive liberal state is worse then some others who is not as progressive, at east in many other places friendships and realtionships at least within our own community is facilitated and fostered and encourageed

so this might sound very harsh but part of the '' sterotypes'' we all know anbd hate ( aaw hes such a cute down boy --- yeah boy being 40 ) but yes as much as that is annoyinbg and INCREDIBLY condecending, again, not all situation is like this... but some are... but people gravitate toward that person that they concider adorable

i rember living in places with less '' supports'' i say it in quotes because many of these supports counterproductive and deny our rights they are supposed to advocate for....... but i rember libing in other states where social situation and opportunities were set up TO ALLOW and even foster relationships...... mostly in our peer grops which is what is NEEDED bcause every single other cutlture / minority/ race, has there own community they tend to stick with and they join the larger comminity ON THERE OWN TERMS and by there own choice..... no body is forcing either party to tlerate and include, and join the other
i hate it......... :(



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17 Apr 2013, 6:29 am

and about this whole '' DS peoplea re more loving'' i have known auties even many of the '' lower functioning guys'' who can be VERY sweet and fun and happy most of the time... and those who do actually care enough to take time to get to know me and respect my needs limits and abilitiy and diffrence will say i am very sweet fun and kind and careing

but i know about myself and i know for facts i am ggrr i HATE this discription but dont know how else to say it '' im child- like'' bblech... but i mean im not loud or obnoxious but i just am not very '' adult'' and thats not cute at all lets be frank about this... i personally see nothing wrong with who i am, i like myself and iam compfortable with myself... but the way society attitudes is what kills me

and i have foundf folks NT, normie, non disabled, what ever you wanna call them, the folks who do find me '' adorable'' or cute i cant stand them because they dont respect me as a person with feelings.. like sexual for example if i say a girl is hot looking people many times laugh and think its cute ! !! uugh! gag me

but its a big big topic i have talk abuot with many folks alot because this is a big big issue here in VT especially
AND in society as a whole... folks have become more inward turned and more selfish and surface, they dont socialize like they used to they dont form bonds with others around them like they used to, in the 60s 70s and even the 80s people as a whole were more outward social and woulud loo out to others and think of others alot more then they do today.......... again, i hate it, i hate wht ouir society has became , and the lonliness and isolatioon is hell..... i need friends i can connect with and communicate with on my level.. i cant do that with most NT or even aspies or '' high function folks'' i tend to do best with young children, and also my peers DD MR MR and autie, more in the modedrate funxction and lowrer function ranges, i actually connect and communicate extemly good with my own folks you know '' in our language'' and can interact and share, and connect in a very genuine way



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17 Apr 2013, 12:08 pm

Not really, I've met people that weren't NTs but weren't Aspies, and they didn't seem to have friends. I once met a teenage boy who was in a wheelchair, and he wasn't Autistic, he just had severe Mental Retardation, and could only say one word, and he didn't have any friends. Well, most people were generous to him, if he held his arms out for a cuddle they would cuddle him. But I suppose if he can't say anything or act no more than a 1-year-old then I suppose people aren't going to sit with him and have a cup of coffee or anything or take him out just to be with him, stuff like that.

I know a 20-year-old girl at work, and I can tell she has some learning difficulties, but I know she is not Aspie. But she still is a little socially awkward, maybe in different ways to my social awkwardness. She doesn't have any friends of her own, although she can interact well with people and is very good with flirting with men, etc. She hangs out with her sister and her sister's friends, but if her sister hadn't of known them then she probably wouldn't have been friends with them.


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17 Apr 2013, 12:25 pm

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I don't get it - in some threads I am convinced that there are physical differences in Autistics, but in this thread it indicates that Autistics don't have any physical differences and so that's why we don't get a second chance. Have we got physical differences or not?


That is what you call ''contradictions''. That goes on a lot here on WP, and can get confusing. Today something's an Autistic trait, tomorrow it's an NT trait.

Sometimes I think that people with classic Autism can sometimes be funny-looking, but people on the milder end of the spectrum, like myself, are just ordinary-looking. Nobody could detect whether I'm on the spectrum or not if they didn't know I have it. It's only body language that may give out ''I am shy/nervous'' vibes.


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17 Apr 2013, 6:26 pm

tjr1243 wrote:
I have a friend with Down Syndrome (male), and he has way more friends than i do. Can count the number of my friends on one hand (and it doesn't always last), but he has about 10 friends, all of them NT. They take him to outings, movies. I am extremely happy for him, that in spite of his disabilities he has a very strong social support network.

I've accompanied him to various events (enjoy his happy, fun-loving nature) - unfortunately his NT friends don't seem to take to me. When he meets acquaintances, people give him eye-contact, but i notice when i am there, people avoid giving eye-contact....sometimes they don't even call me by name which really hurts.


Correct me if i'm wrong, but don't people with Down's syndrome tend to be hyper-social?

Everyone I've ever encountered with Down's syndrome seemed very... ...extrovert.


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17 Apr 2013, 11:32 pm

I would think people with boarderline personality disorder and schizopherenia would have less friends than aspergers.



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18 Apr 2013, 2:04 am

Just because someone with MR has people who are willing to take them places doesn't mean they have many real friends. I don't think anyone of normal or higher intelligence would see someone like that as an actual friend. I've known two with DS, and I certainly saw no friendship potential there.

As for physical disabilities, I have certainly heard plenty of stories where people become paralysed/lose their legs or similar and pretty soon lose their friends as they can't do the same stuff with them anymore, so becoming disabled can certainly make you lose friends.

And some will target people with visible disabilities. http://www.equalanddiverse.co.uk/im-spat-at-every-day/
A woman in the neighborhood with CP has been a target not just for laughter and comments, but physically. Some teenagers would run their skateboards into her calves from behind.


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Joe90
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18 Apr 2013, 9:23 am

thomas81 wrote:
tjr1243 wrote:
I have a friend with Down Syndrome (male), and he has way more friends than i do. Can count the number of my friends on one hand (and it doesn't always last), but he has about 10 friends, all of them NT. They take him to outings, movies. I am extremely happy for him, that in spite of his disabilities he has a very strong social support network.

I've accompanied him to various events (enjoy his happy, fun-loving nature) - unfortunately his NT friends don't seem to take to me. When he meets acquaintances, people give him eye-contact, but i notice when i am there, people avoid giving eye-contact....sometimes they don't even call me by name which really hurts.


Correct me if i'm wrong, but don't people with Down's syndrome tend to be hyper-social?

Everyone I've ever encountered with Down's syndrome seemed very... ...extrovert.


I've met a lot of people with Down's Syndrome (teens and adults) and they may be extrovert but they didn't seem as self-aware as an average NT is. I remember going on holiday with my mum and a friend of her's who had an 18-year-old daughter with Down's Syndrome, and she couldn't behave herself. She was very extroverted, although you couldn't have a proper conversation with her like you can a typical 18-year-old, and she was very immature, more like 5. She kept splashing people in the swimming-pool and laughing, even though they didn't want it and kept walking away. Her mum had to keep an eye on her all the time.

She was socially awkward, but not in an Asperger's way, if that makes sense. She attended a special school and had friends with other girls and boys with Down's Syndrome too. She also got excited at brightly-coloured objects.


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18 Apr 2013, 9:33 am

my husband is adhd (quite severe) and he doesnt have many friends. he is extroverted, but sometimes he shys away from invitations to big social events like parties of somebody he doesnt know, so sometimes his best friend has to force him to come. actualy i dont think he is that extroverted, his hyperactivity makes it look more like he is extrovert but he is socially awkward, may say the wrong things and annoy people.

im autistic and socially awkward, but my husband is socially awkward in a diffrent way . he is quite hard to explain, you probably got to meet him to understand what i mean and see what he is like.



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23 Apr 2013, 4:38 pm

A fair proportion of people with developmental disabilities tend to lust for interaction, as-well as hoping to establish a social relationship with peer groups who may or may not be disabled; however, it is quite common that their social and emotional intelligence is hindered to a an excessive degree, and they are much more suspectable to developing physical and mental health issues. So some individuals with a DD who have an extroverted personality are not necessarily successful in maintaining relationships due to deficiencies in self-awareness of the environment, physical and adaptive mobility, verbal communication, as-well as regulating, and perceiving one's emotions.

Like people with Autism and Asperger's syndrome, individuals with developmental disabilities such as chromosomal abnormalities like Down's and Fragile X syndrome, may exhibit comparative Theory of Mind (ToM) deficits, which is the attributed source for their poor social skills, emotional immaturity, and their proclivity to being egocentric (understanding another's perspective, intentions, feelings, and point of view), regardless whether they are introverted or extroverted.

As for people with severe physical handicaps who may be confined to electric wheelchairs (cerebral palsy, paralysis, quadriplegia, duchenne muscular dystrophy), they may gain more friends than average due to the likelihood of being frequently empathized by people who are normally physically able, especially if their disability was ascribed to a birth defect, with or without the presence of severe mental retardation or intellectual disabilities, but those who acquired one in adulthood are at risk of losing some friends as-well as being vulnerable to verbalized bullying due to mobility issues, and severe communication difficulties, unless the person had a severe intellectual disability prior to the acquired physical one.

I think people with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD) are more likely to form relationships with those who have a similar "mental age," and interaction is more simplified for them to develop while they are settling in a group home, developmental sector, and whilst being participants in a guided travel or vocational trip for those with developmental disabilities and other special needs. In-fact, many people with mild intellectual disabilities have a good prognosis in forming relationships and some may even breed children (unless deemed eligible for sterilization or a vasectomy). Many also have relatively higher social intelligence, and inherent non-verbal communication abilities than people with Asperger's syndrome and high-functioning autism.

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