Have you ever had to endure bullying in your own family??

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I don't know your situation but have you considered going no contact with them, they will continue to hurt you until they die. This is pleasurable to them and you are like a toy they can do anything they want to. It is never going to change , a mother than can be intentionally hurtful is just plain mean. Your sister has been taught that bad treatment is ok and actually desired by your mom. I know this is a hard decision but from my own experience it was for the best. They can never hurt me again. PEICELESS!

i had cut off from my mom and brother for 3 years
but became very lonely since most of the relatives are also cold and aloof
i am unable to make friends
and slowly loneliness started driving me crazy
and i had to connect with them again
but it wasnt easy
they were again abusing me
so i kept a distance....though my hubby is in touch with them
but a distance as been created

I know the draw to reconnect is strong, we are meant to have a strong family support and unconditional love. I have been no contact now for 8 years and if I get weak I just try to remember all the mean things they did to me. I know the being lonesome is hard and I wish I could be there for you to help. I understand the not trusting people and it is hard to really connect and be friends when you are so afraid to let your guard down. I have pulled away from everyone also but I would rather be happy and alone than being abused and hurt continuously by my narcissist mother and her mean squad. Every day it does get better and now on holidays I try to do something that makes me happy, same for birthdays, my family never celebrated my birth so now I save and buy something nice for me. I try to make memories with my own grown daughter and grandson and I still try to cook the foods that each holiday calls for. It does help immensely for me to help other people and I try to foster baby animals and I do spend most of my time with my four shitzu's who really do love me unconditionally. Try volunteering or maybe visiting home bound older people. It just warms my heart so much to be appreciated instead of put down. I love to garden and am so ready for spring. My thoughts are with you.

Yes I was adopted into a very violent family (except for my stepdad who was a very lovely man).

I lived in fear until the day that I was taken away and put back into care.

I can't even begin to put into words what exactly happened because It is far too distressing.

Yes, but that doesn't mean my relationships with them are bad (the one with my dad is as an exception). I am usually really close with my mum and sister.

My Dad - Aggressive and addictive personality. I'll spare the details, but as an example, the other day he accidentally kicked a cat water bowl and it broke so he raged at my mum for leaving it there (really, really loud) and threw his shoe into the wall, cracking it. In the past he would yell at me and strap me if I resisted going places (I would have a massive tantrum etc).. he would say that all I wanted to do was stay home and be on the computer. It sometimes makes me wonder if he is the reason I can 'cope' with changes such as going new places now, as maybe I have some in built fear related to not going. I'm not sure whether that's good or bad. In general it feels like skating on thin ice when around him.

My Mum - Doesn't really bully me, but she can keep NOTHING I tell her, or anything she finds out about me private. She tells everyone, including random people like neighbours. For example, I recently told her my concerns about the possibility of having Asperger's.. the POSSIBILITY. I never said I HAD it or anything like that. What did she do? She went and told my sister, her friend, neighbours and practically the rest of my family. She also doesn't take my concerns seriously, ever, and embarrasses me about it. She is ignorant. I told her what stimming was and at first she related it to the intense 'twitches' (her term, and she thought back then something was seriously wrong with me) I had when I was 11. However since then, she has been watching me carefully - I have always done things like shaking/bouncing my leg, but recently after having told her my concerns about the possibility she has been yelling at me for it, even in front of others, claiming that I never did 'those behaviours before looking it up on the website', even though I AM MORE THAN CERTAIN that I did. It is REALLY belittling and it traps and aggravates me.

My Sister - Usually close but is heavily influenced by my mum. After my mum told her (despite me begging her not to) about my concerns regarding Asperger's, my sister has since been making snide comments along the lines of 'you're just terrible at socializing because unlike me, you are so unworldly and never go to parties'. She is ignorant and as a result of my mum thinks Asperger's only means bad social skills.

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

my sister bullies me a lot but only because she was trying to help me.

Yes. My youngest brother would tease me about my phobias and sensory issues. also had two younger cousins who would gang up on me.

I have an uncle who, once discovering I didn't like to be touched/tickled, would hold me down and tickle me until I couldn't breathe. I've had nightmares (waking up gasping for air) about this until I was about 40; I haven't had one for several years now. This just exacerbated my hatred of being touched and caused a large amount of my problems throughout school. I really hate that man.

Yes, constantly by my brother who was five years older than me. Even if I had been NT I would have been no match for him, being a 5 yo against a 10 yo, a 10 yo against a 15 yo, etc. I know now that he fits the current description of a sociopath. The worst part of it was that my mother allowed it to continue; how she could have no idea what was going on is still beyond me. I was bullied at school some but not like at home.

What is the situation today? He stopped speaking to me over 30 years ago but he always made out to our mother like it was my doing when it was really his.

Sorry, I can't talk about this any more.

Yes. My next-older sister. Similar to NeilM's case, five/six years older than me. Hated me from the day I was born. Mother never did anything to disallow the situation. Sister now hasn't spoken to me for 27 years -- fine by me, as she's a deeply uncompassionate person, a shrew, a bully, and I'm better off not trying to deal with that dynamic anymore; even my therapist said so.

Only trouble is she's made the other siblings gang up on the side of not speaking to me either, even a brother who is completely neutral and, last we talked, even feeling a bit guilty and apologetic. Same with my brother-in-law who is my sister's husband. He even said to me when I contacted him years ago that he disapproves of her treatment of me. But because he's her husband he can't talk to me either.

School playground politics -- my whole family never left the f--cking playground.

I'm long done with the lot of them.

I am undiagnosed. My mother (and father, to a lesser extent) don't want me to have ASD, so they prefer to think that I am a terrible person. They constantly tell me that I am selfish (if I don't recognise people's emotions), arrogant (if I don't talk to people because I don't know how), heartless (if I don't show affection, or provide comfort), and lazy (because I apparently don't 'try hard enough' - at all of the above, I can only assume). They also say that I lie and fabricate my more Aspie behaviours (for attention?).

My younger sister is popular and 'normal'. She asks me as an insult if I 'have some kind of problem with social interaction', and teases and berates me for Aspie behaviours. It's almost funny that she of all my family members actually realises that I might be socially impaired, but she approaches it in such a negative way. My parents allow this.

So, yes, I would say that I am bullied by my family.

Not so much in my face bullying. But I have learned my father's side of the family had always had a problem with me. And I was probably missing lots of signals from them which made them even more mad.

Lots of comments behind my back about how stupid I am and why can't I be like my cousins. My grandfather said he didn't even want me around his house unless my cousins were with me. He hung up on me the last time I called him because my dad BEGGED me to do it. First he didn't know who I was then when I said my name he said "ok, well bye" then click. He's now almost dead from cancer and I could not care less. I have a real grandfather who accepted me and this man was not it. What's odd to me is my dad does not understand why I will not talk to any of them now.

Occasionally my brothers and their friends would deliberately make messes to stress me out and run off and hide or take my Barbies and pull the clothes off them and put them in my dollhouse having them hanging out of windows and denying they did it.

But the rest I think was just them being innocent and also them just minding their own business and not wanting to live by my own rules to keep me from being stressed out. They didn't want to cater to my needs. Kids are pretty ignorant about disorders so they lack the empathy. Actually lot of people are because they are not in your head so they don't realize how bad it is so it can look like they are bullying you and just doing things to piss you off because you had already told them when in fact they are just ignoring you and not paying attention to how it affects you because they don't realize how bad it is. I think once they realized how bad it was for me, they started to follow my rules so they found a way to compromise like having a party without me getting stressed out. I was seen as the crazy sister by their friends and have scared off some of them because of my erratic behavior so once my brothers figured out I had issues with dirt and dirty floors, they started to have everyone remove their shoes. Then they figured out I had issues with noise and messes so they started to be quiet and stay in their area and I wouldn't even notice they were there and that my brothers were having parties because they were not acting all wild and making lot of noise and not making messes. They stayed in the rec room. My area was the basement so no worries there while theirs was the rec room. No more "crazy" me. I think by then they were older so they had matured and had better understanding. My anxiety did go down so I acted better too when they got to high school because of their maturity and more understanding. Then everyone was happy.

Sometimes, though not sure it was always totally intentional.

I can say my sister did more than once, but for the most part we actually did have a pretty good relationship. Honestly I had forgotten a lot of anything and a couple years ago she like messaged me on facebook to apologize of all the times she was mean when we were growing up. But looking back I didn't think she was that mean so I was kind of surprised she felt that much remorse about it. But yeah she always was a popular kid and I was not really, so maybe she was worried I'd harm her reputation...IDK perhaps I should have more hard feelings about it than I do but I don't. Mostly as of late I'd just like to actually spend some time with her but she's so flaky about making plans it's hard to do that.

My mom though I feel I felt bullied by her multiple times, but I don't think she like meant to per say...like she had the way she thinks things are and I was at odds with some of that even since my childhood. So she was probably just trying to instill what she thought was right or whatever and I didn't see eye to eye with it. Also sometimes when I complained to her about getting bullied at school she'd say I brought it on myself, but never bother to offer an explanation of how I might have done that or even ideas of how to avoid it. So yeah she was not much use for any of that.