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i do not have meltdowns

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phyrehawke
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02 Sep 2012, 11:40 pm

Oh Well Said, Mr. SickindaHead ! !!
This was such valuable information I took notes. Seriously.

I'm still not sure how to appropriately deal with a meltdown. Because as much as I meltdown-proof my life they are still going to happen occassionally.



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04 Sep 2012, 1:01 pm

BUMP



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04 Sep 2012, 1:06 pm

Mmuffinn wrote:
I don't have outwardly angry meltdowns, I do cry sometimes though. I learned at a very young age that having a tantrum is almost "evil" and would be dealt with very harshly and usually involve my mom using religious guilt. I was afraid to even express anger appropriately for years. I can express anger now, but I don't yell or swear or throw things because I'm still afraid of behaving the wrong way. I usually shut down when I'm upset and have a tantrum inside my head where nobody can see or judge me for it.


Yes, this is more or less what I do, too, for pretty much the same reasons you give - except for maybe the religious guilt part. I mean, there would certainly be guilt for me, too, it just wasn't necessarily religious.


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04 Sep 2012, 1:11 pm

InThisTogether wrote:
mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
What leads you to believe you are in control?


i don't know

i just claim it as it sounds more currect


InThisTogether wrote:
Explain what you mean by "correct"?


mmcool wrote:
it does not sound so much like a excuse


Is it fair to say that you don't want others to think you are making up excuses and that you feel you should be accountable for your own behavior?

yes



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04 Sep 2012, 2:23 pm

phyrehawke wrote:
Oh Well Said, Mr. SickindaHead ! !!
This was such valuable information I took notes. Seriously.

I'm still not sure how to appropriately deal with a meltdown. Because as much as I meltdown-proof my life they are still going to happen occassionally.



Probably, but when that's imminent, disconnect from the "weight" of the situation. Practiced well, it's almost a meditative "zen state". Sometimes it even seems like time slows down.

Practice it. You have the rest of your life to work on it.



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04 Sep 2012, 6:02 pm

mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
What leads you to believe you are in control?


i don't know

i just claim it as it sounds more currect


InThisTogether wrote:
Explain what you mean by "correct"?


mmcool wrote:
it does not sound so much like a excuse


Is it fair to say that you don't want others to think you are making up excuses and that you feel you should be accountable for your own behavior?

yes


I think it is admirable to want to be accountable for your own behavior.

However, if you had seizure disorder and had a seizure, would you hold yourself accountable for breaking someone else's vase?

Sometimes we are not accountable for our own actions. It is OK to acknowledge this and it doesn't mean you are making excuses or trying to get away with something.

If you are hitting people, throwing things, and cursing on purpose and you can control it, it is wrong. If you are having a meltdown (meaning you are past the point of being able to control it), it is not wrong.

BUT you do need to start learning what triggers your meltdowns so you can avoid them. That is how you take responsibility for your behavior. That is how you hold yourself accountable. By learning new skills to prevent it from happening.


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09 Sep 2012, 8:33 pm

InThisTogether wrote:
mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
What leads you to believe you are in control?


i don't know

i just claim it as it sounds more currect


InThisTogether wrote:
Explain what you mean by "correct"?


mmcool wrote:
it does not sound so much like a excuse


Is it fair to say that you don't want others to think you are making up excuses and that you feel you should be accountable for your own behavior?

yes


I think it is admirable to want to be accountable for your own behavior.

However, if you had seizure disorder and had a seizure, would you hold yourself accountable for breaking someone else's vase?

Sometimes we are not accountable for our own actions. It is OK to acknowledge this and it doesn't mean you are making excuses or trying to get away with something.

If you are hitting people, throwing things, and cursing on purpose and you can control it, it is wrong. If you are having a meltdown (meaning you are past the point of being able to control it), it is not wrong.

BUT you do need to start learning what triggers your meltdowns so you can avoid them. That is how you take responsibility for your behavior. That is how you hold yourself accountable. By learning new skills to prevent it from happening.


i been told the amount of triggers i have is about 50

i,m trying to convince the stuff in the childens home im at that the bad behaveuor is on purpose
the only issue is its a ASD's childens home so may be hard to conveice the stuff that the bad behaveuor is on purpose



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09 Sep 2012, 8:39 pm

mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
What leads you to believe you are in control?


i don't know

i just claim it as it sounds more currect


InThisTogether wrote:
Explain what you mean by "correct"?


mmcool wrote:
it does not sound so much like a excuse


Is it fair to say that you don't want others to think you are making up excuses and that you feel you should be accountable for your own behavior?

yes


I think it is admirable to want to be accountable for your own behavior.

However, if you had seizure disorder and had a seizure, would you hold yourself accountable for breaking someone else's vase?

Sometimes we are not accountable for our own actions. It is OK to acknowledge this and it doesn't mean you are making excuses or trying to get away with something.

If you are hitting people, throwing things, and cursing on purpose and you can control it, it is wrong. If you are having a meltdown (meaning you are past the point of being able to control it), it is not wrong.

BUT you do need to start learning what triggers your meltdowns so you can avoid them. That is how you take responsibility for your behavior. That is how you hold yourself accountable. By learning new skills to prevent it from happening.


i been told the amount of triggers i have is about 50

i,m trying to convince the stuff in the childens home im at that the bad behaveuor is on purpose
the only issue is its a ASD's childens home so may be hard to conveice the stuff that the bad behaveuor is on purpose


But, see, I don't think it is on purpose. I am actually glad your caretakers do not believe you when you say it is. Otherwise they might just think you are a bad person and stop helping you to learn better behaviors.


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09 Sep 2012, 8:49 pm

InThisTogether wrote:
mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
What leads you to believe you are in control?


i don't know

i just claim it as it sounds more currect


InThisTogether wrote:
Explain what you mean by "correct"?


mmcool wrote:
it does not sound so much like a excuse


Is it fair to say that you don't want others to think you are making up excuses and that you feel you should be accountable for your own behavior?

yes


I think it is admirable to want to be accountable for your own behavior.

However, if you had seizure disorder and had a seizure, would you hold yourself accountable for breaking someone else's vase?

Sometimes we are not accountable for our own actions. It is OK to acknowledge this and it doesn't mean you are making excuses or trying to get away with something.

If you are hitting people, throwing things, and cursing on purpose and you can control it, it is wrong. If you are having a meltdown (meaning you are past the point of being able to control it), it is not wrong.

BUT you do need to start learning what triggers your meltdowns so you can avoid them. That is how you take responsibility for your behavior. That is how you hold yourself accountable. By learning new skills to prevent it from happening.


i been told the amount of triggers i have is about 50

i,m trying to convince the stuff in the childens home im at that the bad behaveuor is on purpose
the only issue is its a ASD's childens home so may be hard to conveice the stuff that the bad behaveuor is on purpose


But, see, I don't think it is on purpose. I am actually glad your caretakers do not believe you when you say it is. Otherwise they might just think you are a bad person and stop helping you to learn better behaviors.


i am a bad person

i am in control all the time

or

i at least feel some control over everthing



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09 Sep 2012, 9:12 pm

No one is in control all the time.

No one has some control over everything.


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09 Sep 2012, 9:18 pm

so how do i make the people at the childens home belive that i do bad behaviour on puopuse?



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09 Sep 2012, 9:20 pm

I don't think you can, because I don't think it is true. Because they have experience with autism, the probably don't think it is true, either, because they probably understand what a meltdown is. If you want to be accountable, ask them to help you learn how to prevent meltdowns from occurring.


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09 Sep 2012, 9:34 pm

InThisTogether wrote:
I don't think you can, because I don't think it is true. Because they have experience with autism, the probably don't think it is true, either, because they probably understand what a meltdown is. If you want to be accountable, ask them to help you learn how to prevent meltdowns from occurring.


i need to come up with good reason for bad behaviour
the reasons i used:
bad behaviour on porpouse

can you please say one lie that could work to conive them



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10 Sep 2012, 4:36 am

mmcool wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
I don't think you can, because I don't think it is true. Because they have experience with autism, the probably don't think it is true, either, because they probably understand what a meltdown is. If you want to be accountable, ask them to help you learn how to prevent meltdowns from occurring.


i need to come up with good reason for bad behaviour
the reasons i used:
bad behaviour on porpouse

can you please say one lie that could work to conive them


No, I cannot. And I do not believe that you should lie in order to convince them, either.


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14 Sep 2012, 2:03 am

Taurus wrote:
I don't have tantrum meltdowns either, but I get depressed instead. Often, aspies get one of the two. Instead of exploding on someone else, I just silently crash. I isolate myself, find everything I do awkward and unnatural and completely lose connection with other people. Even when I am with them at such a time, it really feels like there is this thick wall of glass between us, as if I do not belong and have nothing to contribute to any kind of social interaction. I usually just try to keep to myself somewhere until it passes.
I do the same...although, I thought I was alone with this; I thought that people with AS would have actual physical meltdowns. :)


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14 Sep 2012, 7:05 am

Taurus wrote:
I don't have tantrum meltdowns either, but I get depressed instead. Often, aspies get one of the two. Instead of exploding on someone else, I just silently crash. I isolate myself, find everything I do awkward and unnatural and completely lose connection with other people. Even when I am with them at such a time, it really feels like there is this thick wall of glass between us, as if I do not belong and have nothing to contribute to any kind of social interaction. I usually just try to keep to myself somewhere until it passes.


This.

I had a couple of violent meltdowns as a child, but the above has been the case for well over a decade now.


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