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amboxer21
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09 Sep 2012, 11:45 pm

I can't take them at all! I hate compliments and affection! It makes me very uncomfortable!



JitakuKeibiinB
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10 Sep 2012, 12:37 am

I don't like them.

With most compliments, the insincere social niceties, I get annoyed. When I've actually done something significant, I get embarrassed and wish people wouldn't compliment me.

Either way, my response is either to stand there until they change the topic, or to say "oh" or "OK". I realize that "thanks" is probably the appropriate response, but that feels weird so I don't say it.



Moonhawk
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10 Sep 2012, 12:47 am

I simply say thank you, because the people that do give me compliments mean them :)



ComposerGal1928
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10 Sep 2012, 1:23 am

I think I'm relating to all these posts about how compliments make me uncomfortable. I get nervous and just stare at the person like I'm saying, "Uh, what?" Sometimes I say that out loud. It's even gotten to the point where if I have achieve something big (i.e. make the Dean's List, finish writing a piece of music that took me a while to write, etc.), I don't think it's that big of a deal. It's just like, "whatever". My family thinks it's weird I don't take my accomplishments seriously. I've even rejected offers for elite high school/collegiate societies for my grades because I felt like I didn't deserve it.



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10 Sep 2012, 2:04 am

i outright reject them. like this:
them: "you have beautiful eyes"
me: "no i don't"

or when people are complimenting me and i know they are but really it seems inappropriate to say thank you because i am not responsible for what the compliment is directed to. like being complimented on my shirt. i didnt make the shirt why are they telling me it's nice? i dont know if i should say thank you so i dont. the designer might be pleased though.



OCD_Angel
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10 Sep 2012, 2:19 am

Toy_Soldier wrote:
OCD_Angel wrote:
Wow thanks! I'm not quite sure what m supposed to do with 1047 blessings but I appreciate the offer.


Err... I am not sure how to say this but it is not exactly an offer per se. You see I already made the payment via Paypal to Mustafascheapblessings.com and the genie has been released. :oops: So... you will have a genie following you around until you use up the 1047 blessings. :cry: But maybe there is something I can do to help. I can tell the genie there was a math error and that it was only 1000 blessings. I think they might buy that.

Oh my gosh. Now you've done it!! What am I to do with a genie following me around when I need alone time?!

Fortunately, I can be quite good at creative problem solving. So I think I will tell the genie to go bug you when I need to be alone, as one of my blessings.



OCD_Angel
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10 Sep 2012, 2:21 am

VMSmith wrote:
like being complimented on my shirt. i didnt make the shirt why are they telling me it's nice? i dont know if i should say thank you so i dont. the designer might be pleased though.

That's the best thing I've read all day. But to be honest, I did only just wake up so I haven't actually read many things, but still I like it. :P I've never thought about it that way and it's an interesting point of view.

I hope what I said didn't come across as a compliment and make you uncomfortable.

But maybe it is a compliment in a way too, I don't know.

Sorry I'm confused now. :oops:



pat2rome
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10 Sep 2012, 2:28 am

External reaction: a smile and a "Thanks!"

Internal reaction: Image


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Toy_Soldier
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10 Sep 2012, 6:55 am

That's it. I am sending round the trucks to collect you all and take you to the Remedial Compliment Acceptance Training camps.

Yes, there are quite a few types of negative, manipulative or useless compliments.

But there are also positive ones, genuninely meant, with good intention. Sometimes it is an expression of appreciation and at other times admiration. Rebuffing a genuine complimentor is like throwing food in the face of someone trying to share their meal with you.

Maybe there is a problem determining whether it is genuine or not ? Usually I can tell, though I sometimes have trouble discerning sarcasim.



CyclopsSummers
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10 Sep 2012, 7:04 am

Thanks for all the insightful and also funny replies, you guys! Really paints a nice picture of how everyone individually deals with this. I'm quite surprised how many of you also feel uncomfortable when being complimented. I can get behind what whirlingmind said about seeing one's own inadequacies and expecting others to see them, too.

Reading your posts, I have to say I'm a bit embarrassed that I forgot to mention I actually do say 'Thank you' in general when I receive a compliment. :oops:

Max000 wrote:

OTOH, I do take criticism to heart.:x That will piss me off. People usually mean it when they criticize you. What I really, really hate is when someone gives me a bunch of negative feedback, little or none of it constructive criticism, and then adds one little insignificant stupid compliment to try and make me feel better. F**k that, I'm ready to go postal at that point. :bom:


Dang, that sounds so annoying. I guess the compliment is meant to 'cushion the blow', except the people in question aren't doing a very good job at it. I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of a disproportionate amount of negative feedback, so I can guess where you're coming from.

VMSmith wrote:
or when people are complimenting me and i know they are but really it seems inappropriate to say thank you because i am not responsible for what the compliment is directed to. like being complimented on my shirt. i didnt make the shirt why are they telling me it's nice? i dont know if i should say thank you so i dont. the designer might be pleased though.


Yeah, I feel something similar. I think the point of the compliment is that they like your taste in clothing. I myself tend not to be too concerned about what I wear, as long as it's comfy, so when it ends up looking good in someone else's eyes. it's more of a coincidence... and unintentional on my part. :lol:
Toy_Soldier wrote:
Yes, there are quite a few types of negative, manipulative or useless compliments.

But there are also positive ones, genuninely meant, with good intention. Sometimes it is an expression of appreciation and at other times admiration. Rebuffing a genuine complimentor is like throwing food in the face of someone trying to share their meal with you.

That's an apt metaphor. Speaking for myself, it's rare that I encounter a compliment and expect an ulterior motive, it's more that I find it difficult to come up with the approprate thing to say... and then I lose the moment while trying to think of something.


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CyborgUprising
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10 Sep 2012, 3:54 pm

Compliments are uncomfortable, since they usually bring about a sense of superiority in others, and I fear they may lead to such corruption within myself (though I spend a fair amount of time cutting myself down to counteract any possible corruption and to encourage more effort to excel). I prefer constructive criticism (not ad hominem arguments) emphasizing on negative aspects. For example, if someone thinks my art is good, I don't want to hear that. Instead, tell me what needs to be done to improve it and how horrible it looks. When I do receive a compliment, I will say something to the effect of "I fail to see why you like it; it looks like a lobotomized gerbil was attempting to dance with a pencil (begins rattling off inadequacies)."



AdamAutistic
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10 Sep 2012, 4:03 pm

i respond to compliments with a loud growl. i hate them.


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