With three pages of excellent replies, I am not certain I have anything to add to this topic, but since it seems part of the purpose of the forum lies in finding we're in good company, here is my two cents' worth:
It took me fourteen years to finish my BA. In high school I was a great student, mostly A's and B's. The closest I came to participating in social activities was joining the academic team, which was full of geeks like me. I did get high scores on my SAT / ACT (U.S. placement tests), particularly in the verbals. I got accepted into every college to which I applied, and was given good scholarships at all of them.
My first year of college, I had a good roommate who was very tolerant--even when I rearranged the room so that I could sit on my bed without having to see anyone else. But I was 2,000 miles from home, and the dorms were very noisy and stressful, and my coursework was all over the map in terms of subject matter, because I had to fill the general requirements. I tried dating a bit--big mistake! It was emotional overload, and I realized I couldn't deal with those emotions. Ended up in a psych clinic for a week because my stress put me in a massive depressive meltdown. Returned to college for another semester; this time my roommate was unbearable--whiny, messy, complained about me incessantly. I quit the semester and went home.
I transferred schools before going back--the second school I chose was an even smaller school (700 students instead of 1500), and it was all female. This could have been better for me, but again I had a succession of bad roommates (one locked me out of the room whenever she wanted to have a party; another had psychotic fits and threatened to slit her wrists; etc.) After petitioning I got a "single" room (no roommates) which was very tiny. The girls down the hall called me "crazy girl" whenever they saw me. I struggled in my classes, in part because I was too stressed to be able to focus on classwork. Dropped out again.
In the meantime I got a part-time job and found a quiet place to live, and a stable relationship with a boyfriend (who is now my husband). I went back to the same college as a day student, and went home after class, which was a much better arrangement. However, I still struggled with my coursework, especially tests, because every teacher had different requirements and expectations and I found it very difficult to have to continually adapt my focus and my study habits for each class. Each semester was a mix of grades: A's, B's, C's, and D's, with several courses dropped midway through because I couldn't handle them. Dropped out again.
When I enrolled a final time, it was as an adult student, which allowed me to take only one or two classes at a time and pay half-price tuition. This worked much better for me, though I still struggled if there was stress in my personal or working life. In fact, I believe very strongly that I only finished because I found an amazing mentor (not even in my major department!) who always made time to help and encourage me. He even created a job for me in my area of interest and found the funding to pay me, so that I wouldn't have to work off-campus! My other advisors were very lax, I always felt that they didn't "get" me no matter how much time I spent in their offices, and so I had little incentive to seek help from them when I was struggling. The final year I was at college, I was able to finish with very good grades, thanks largely to help and guidance from my mentor.
So in the end, I would advise anyone with AS who wants to succeed at college to try really hard to first find someone you can trust, who seems accepting of you and can give you solid advice about academics as well as personal issues. I realize this is like seeking the Holy Grail, especially since "meeting people" often precipitates panic in us! The way to do this, though, is to be yourself and follow your interests. I met my mentor (who works in the biology department) because I have a keen interest in natural history, and I brought a lovely dead songbird to his office to identify. It turned out we had a lot of other interests in common--we listen to the same music, love art and anthropology, and have other specific interests and experiences in common. This meant that he could give me advice about the things that were important to me, because he innately knew what WAS important to me.
Because I got my degree so much later than my peers, my five-year-old son was able to attend and participate in my graduation. Most kids don't have this opportunity! I hope he will remember that experience, and think of it as a reminder of the importance of not giving up on himself and his goals. Many things are possible, when the time and place are right.
04 Nov 2012, 3:46 pm
I didn't want to ever finish. If I could've afforded it, I'd still be in school.
