Anyone else hug "incorrectly"?

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I hugged incorrectly as a child (when hugging people who weren't my parents). When my dad noticed he took me aside and taught me how to hug correctly. Still have to think about what he said when hugging people nowadays.

In what way were you hugging incorrectly?

The day dad taught me how to hug people someone (a friend of the family) had hugged me and apparently I had reluctantly and awkwardly hugged back with one arm etc. Dad took me aside and told me that one should hug with both arms or it might seem like one does not like the other person.

I often squeeze too hard, unknowingly (if I put a lot of thought into it I can stop this though). I have problems with telling how much pressure I'm applying to objects, whether small or big.

I posted this post on another thread about hugs. I've copied and pasted it here for you, because it could be relevent.

I'm a hugger, as are a lot of people I know and especially down here where I live, women tend to hug a lot. Women always hug each other, men and women sometimes hug if they are friends, men never, ever, ever hug each other. That being said, there is a line with men and women hugging. It's hard to put my finger on it, but there is an instance where it goes on a second or two too long and either the romantic vibe is there, or the creepy vibe is there, depending on one huggers feelings for the other hugger.

Hugs should be brief, but the length of them varies on several things. If I see a friend I haven't seen in a while the greeting hug will last about 5 seconds. If I see a friend that I see fairly regularly but haven't seen in a week maybe, it's about 2 seconds. Meeting someone new that I've heard so much about or that I've talked to on the phone or online a lot and it's the first meeting face to face requires a 2 second only hug.

A leave taking hug for someone who I won't see again usually for a week or so is about 2 seconds, but someone going away for longer or an unkown period can generate a hug of 10 seconds or even multiple hugs if they are going a long way.

Hugs are not needed for people you see on a regular basis or every day.

Comforting hugs can last as long as they need to. Depending on how close you are to the friend you can hug them and pet their hair for up to two minutes at a time, or you can sit by them with your arm around them and pet them while you talk, or hold their hand, or even let them lay down on the couch and put their head in your lap while you pet them and tell them that it's ok.

Congratulatory hugs are a short duration hug and usually require a bat pat if they are between the opposite sex. The exception to men hugging men is the congratulatory hug. It starts with a handshake, that is very important. They clasp hands, shake once or twice and the person doing the congratulations pulls them into a one armed shoulder hug with two or three or even four back pats with the hugging arm. The person being congratulated does the same with his other arm and does not pat except once, at the end of the hug. The handshake remains in place during this hug. Men do hug each other with both arms if they are related to each other, best friends since childhood, and it's at a funeral where they both are experiencing the loss of the person. In other words, if your a guy and your best friend from childhood's wife dies and she's not your sister, then you only do the handshake hug, never the two armed clasp. Ever. The one arm handshake hug is appropriate for funerals and the meal at the house afterwards, but not after that. If a man is offering condolances to a friend that he sees for the first time after hearing of the death and it's some time after the funeral, he can reach over and pat him on the opposite shoulder with the other arm, but the other person does not do anything with his other arm.

A man or woman offering condolances to someone they don't know well enough to hug, offers their hand and then takes the other persons hand but doesn't shake it, and covers it with their other hand and holds it while they offer their condolances. You let go as soon as you finish what you are saying, usually with a pat or to with your left hand onto theirs. Sometimes, the person being consoled will also put their left hand on top of the hands and in that case it's an indication that they may want to hold on a minute more for a few more sentences. If they do this at the beginning of the consolation, the it is ok to give them a 2 second hug at parting, with 2 or 3 soft pats on the back.

That's all I got on hugs. Hope it helps.

People I don't want in my personal space is difficult to handle when it comes to hugs. I usually try and hide when I have to hug, especially if I have to do this kissing on the cheek and or mouth thing (I never know which one they want and I dislike both). but eventually I have to go into the house and then I'm cornered with social hugging kissing greetings, I usually just shut my eyes and hope that it is over and I think I go wash my face when it is not to conspicuous. Probably the OCD in me. Terrifying moments

I just passively accept it and at most barely even touch the other person. If they actually ever had the nerve to complain about it I'd tell them I don't like to hug. I'm the same way with handshakes. GTFO, I don't want to touch you. If someone tries to kiss my cheek sometimes I can't avoid it but I'd never do it back.

The only times I've found it to be unavoidable is the maximum of one time a year that elderly out of town relatives visit and want to hug everyone when they leave. I never had huggy friends and my relatives that live near me don't seem very huggy.

I really don't like being touched by other people, but hugging is different. I hug my family and really close friends.

I try and move my torso as far away from the other person as I can.

I don't hug, I don't dance, I don't want to touch people. It's way too close. In this respect I'm lucky to have been born in a country where hugging and social kissing is not encouraged.

That lot is waaaay too complicated for me to remember. How on earth do people learn this stuff?

I find it easier to go all-out with hugs rather than avoiding them.

I've managed to make quite a few people uncomfortable when I get that grin on my face and start demanding hugs. Still, they have to be on my terms. Nobody just hugs me out of the blue and gets away with it.

I only hug those very close to me and only because they need it sometimes. I try to take my cues from them as to how hard, when to release, etc. This can be tricky when the other person is also Aspie and also doesn't know when to release.

I've always, always felt self-conscious about how I hug, and I've gotten no complaints that I remember - though maybe that self-consciousness comes from something someone said when I was young that I don't even recall.

I don't like hugs usually. Though there have been times in my life when I was exceptionally distraught when a hug did help in a sense center me back in my body instead of off flying through emotional territory I couldn't handle.

I don't mind hugs from my cats, in fact I've never minded touching pets as much as touching people. Maybe because there seem to be no weird strings attached. It seems all up front and obvious, with pets.

Be the cat.
Get the pettinz.


I don't have many friends, but the few I do have are those who get the weird dynamic I operate under: i.e. that I'm the cat and I get the pettinz.
If you can convince someone to treat you like a cat instead of a human... it gets rid of a lot of those really awkward social obligations they might otherwise put on you... and give you the unwavering right to meow at them for whatever reason at whatever time.

When I like someone I squeeze the person a long time very tight because I like to be squeezed very tight for a long time when I like a person.

I'm told by friends that I give the "saddest" hugs that they've ever seen. That's because they hug me without my permission. I don't even like it when my family hugs me (my Mom once punished me when I was 7 for pulling away every time relatives hugged me). I want my space, and spontaneous hugs violate that. It's that simple.