Why don't people with aspergers look people in the eye?

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polo6068
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23 Dec 2012, 12:21 pm

If someone is telling me a story about something that happened to them or a funny joke and I am looking them in the eye just to humor them, I won't hear anything they say
I would only hear half of anything they say so lets say someone is telling me a joke what I would hear is " The man went into.. saw... then.. as... walked passed the ... fell " ba dum dum tish? it would be in blanks like a sensored tv show
however when I am taking to someone about something I know a lot about I can look a person in the eye for the most part that is

But if someone catches me completely off guard lets say i was deeply thinking about something on a long walk in the park and a neighbour of mine walks over to me unexpectedly and starts trying to talk to me I will be looking anywhere but the eyes up at the sky down at the ground because I was unprepared for a conversation I won't be able to look a person in the eye

interestingly I can only really look into a persons eyes if it is a person who I genuinely trust but for people I hardly know it's very hard but I usually stay away from any new people



Entek
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23 Dec 2012, 12:50 pm

Interesting - couple of posts regarding painfull issues - just looked at article relating to eye contact and pain in aspies - seems common - wonder why?



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23 Dec 2012, 12:56 pm

I can't concentrate very well when I look people (mostly people I don't know) in the eye.

You can either get eye contact from me, or a coherent response.

Choose wisely.


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AlmaBrown
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23 Dec 2012, 6:04 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
I can't concentrate very well when I look people (mostly people I don't know) in the eye.

You can either get eye contact from me, or a coherent response.

Choose wisely.


This is exactly me...



Thom_Fuleri
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23 Dec 2012, 6:51 pm

I find it odd that some people here seem to find eye contact painful. I don't like it myself, but it doesn't actually hurt.

In my case I just default to avoiding eye contact. People rarely seem to notice. I need to consciously make eye contact - either because I'm prompted to do so, or because of certain contexts, such as job interviews. I do find eye contact uncomfortable but I can't explain why.



abyssquick
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24 Dec 2012, 1:00 am

I have trouble maintaining eye contact because I can't process what is being said to me, nor can I focus on assembling my own thoughts. Eye contact takes will and focus. If I don't put energy into the eye contact, the energy is freed up to listen and think. It's also a comfort thing, too - If I know someone longer and feel comfortable around them, I can do longer snippets of eye contact.



DJFester
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24 Dec 2012, 1:08 am

For me, it just feels too intimate and personal.


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Noetic
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24 Dec 2012, 1:47 am

btbnnyr wrote:
For me, lack of natural instinct to do it. My eyes wander all around the room all the time.

This mental image is... Amusing.



Noetic
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24 Dec 2012, 1:49 am

corastorm wrote:
For me it has something to do with slow processing. I can't maintain focusing my eyes and process what you're saying to me at the same time.

This. It makes me feel like all my attention is suddenly yanked from under me. Paralysed.



btbnnyr
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24 Dec 2012, 2:21 am

Noetic wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
For me, lack of natural instinct to do it. My eyes wander all around the room all the time.

This mental image is... Amusing.


Sometimes, they contact the other persons eyes in their travels.



quietgirl
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24 Dec 2012, 3:22 am

Because I can see things in there which take my mind off what they're saying. It makes my stomach feel funny, and sometimes I want to run. If I've become comfortable with someone, I'm usually fine, unless they're lying to me and then my eyes become more intense and penetrating. This is very uncomfortable, or so they say.



kaiouti
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24 Dec 2012, 5:37 am

I tend to see uneasyness in NT's in their eyes, as if I was annoying them in some unknowing way.



Foxxtale
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24 Dec 2012, 9:02 am

in a single term: information overload.
To me, eye contact is an extremely intimate experience, almost on the level of cuddling with someone, and certainly not something I can easily pull off with a stranger... it just feels... wrong. The amount of information contained in an individual's eyes, (or at least the amount I seem to perceive) can easily be overwhelming, and I sometimes fear that others can "read" mine like a book. It has never been a natural thing for me to make eye contact, and so it requires a conscious effort most of the time, which of course takes considerable cognitive resources, which in turn decreases my ability to follow a conversation or do much of anything else.
Some people say that the eyes are the window to the soul, and I can easily see how that could be seen as true. When looking into someone's eyes, (in the case of someone I am familiar and comfortable with), I can get entirely lost in them. The details and subtle patterns in an individual's eyes can easily leave me entirely mesmerized for extended periods of time, and the experience can flat out remove my ability to think.
If it is someone I am unfamiliar with, even brief eye contact produces an awkward, almost electric feeling. I can see how some would describe it as painful - it is almost like someone electrocuting the front of my brain/backs of my eyes. I still notice the patterns and details, but it feels highly inappropriate to me. Add in to this the fact that I still get absorbed into the patterns and the fact that it requires a large amount of effort to actually maintain eye contact and I am again left cognitively incapacitated.


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alpineglow
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24 Dec 2012, 9:23 am

If they aren't talking, and I am drawing a picture of their eye, or I mean their face, and I'm at the point in which I am drawing an eye, then I just stare at it and that is fine. It, the eye, is just a "thing".
If I am in a conversation and I am trying to listen or to talk, I have to not look as then that is different, in that to pay attention I seem to not be. Looking at their eye can be so distracting and with most people, it is just too weird - almost icky. I find it to be all right with my kids, but very few other people over the years.



equestriatola
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24 Dec 2012, 10:07 am

Foxxtale is right. I have that problem, too.


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nessa238
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24 Dec 2012, 10:11 am

I do look people in the eye but if the people around me are going to glare at me or look at me in an unpleasant way I'm not going to be encouraged to seek out eye contact, I will jsut make it when necessary.

Also, it's easier for me to concentrate on what I am saying if I don't have to look the other person in the eyes all the time while I am talking to them. My brain can either focus on what I am saying or on the person's eyes and expression - it can't do both at the same time very well.
I jsut wont' be able to focus well on what I want to say and what the other person says just won't stay in my head if I have to keep focusing on their eyes all the time as it wipes out my powers of
concentration and data retention.