The 'All Aspie women' threads

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I am one of these emotionally stunted women, so other emotionally stunted people make more sense to me than emotionally unstunted people.

Completely agree with this. Am an Aspie girl and wouldn't even know where to begin with dating and stuff. I could easily say that Aspie guys have it easier because they can often look vulnerable and a bit awkward, which is sometimes endearing to NT women, whereas Aspie girls can come across abrupt and confrontational which NT guys definitely don't like, but I'd be generalising the same way the guys who say Aspie girls have it easy are. There's no benefit to assuming everyone in any given group is the same, and there's certainly no benefit to musing over who has it easiest.

Yeah, this. The most prevalent trope for unusual (not necessarily nerdy) women is probably the Manic Pixie Dream Girl though, in which case being a misfit = adorable (and living to fix, and be fixed by, a man)
Also, I don't get that fixation with "clumsiness" and how it indicates lower social status in movies/books/whatever? I know I find knocking over things and dropping them annoying when I do it myself, but that it should be so horrifying to others..



And the guys saying aspie-women (seriously, are y'all going to keep saying "females"? that's an animal descriptor) have it easier, should maybe stop focusing on peoples genitalia and look what we have in common. Doubt that will happen.

Last edited by Anomiel on 30 Dec 2012, 12:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

We're not stunted. We're advanced. /gir

I'm not 100% against a**holes per se
as long as they are my type of a**hole
singing my type of a**hole song

if woman is passive and male is active
a disorder like ASD's
may manifest in different ways

goodbye solar son
hello moon


[img][800:768]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-B3XkdSoI5pU/TXyy5tcGLtI/AAAAAAAAAIU/K2N24dzAsxk/s1600/Warming_Up_for_the_Nights_Howl_Gray_Wolf-%25281024x768%2529.jpg[/img]

Women being passive and men being active are gendered stereotypes that do not reflect reality.

Please forgive my tangent - but, beautiful wolf pic!

Those threads also bother me, because I've been dealing with strong gender issues my entire life. What if I don't want to just sit there and look pretty? What if I take pride in looking like a younger version of a chubby male rock star and I'd rather look that way than sit there and look pretty? I've had a pretty rough go at it and every time I saw a stereotypical woman on TV as a child, I'd sneer to my mum that I didn't want to grow up to be like that. When relatives asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I told them that I wanted to be a man. I got my wish about looking like a big, cuddly man.

No it isn't. It's a word used to indicate gender in any species, including humans. "Women" are mature adult females.
Not all the females on this forum are women. Some are still girls. Therefore, we don't want to exclude them by saying only "women."

As a female who has a gf and ASD I can say it is not very easy. Individuals seem to expect a great deal of similar outlooks from the same sex, or at least same levels of proficiency. I remember a time when my gf would tell me "You are a woman I expected more common sense from you".

People tell me stuff like that too.

I have been told that I am too blunt and that women are supposed to sugarcoat everything.

YES.

Holy cow, I can totally relate to that.

In my opinion this is just how life is. No matter what condition a person has, you will always get groups of people forming friendships and preferring to stick with their friends and valuing their opinions more. It's happened at every Asperger social meetup I've ever attended - the clique thing and I think it's just human nature and you can't change it. If you were running this site you'd be doing the same probably. And hold the front page - an aspie woman who's pretty gets male attention and a good platform for her viewpoint! Who would have thought it!?
I don't know if you've been asleep but this is how the world works and no it's isn't very fair but whether a person has autism or not, if they're pretty, they will get more attention and therefore have an advantage over others, just as people with more intelligence have an advantage over those with less. Just because someone writes an article though, doesn't mean you have to take it as gospel truth - it's up to the reader to form their own viewpoint.

When you own and run a site as popular as this you can run it how you like but as it's Alex's site I think he has the right to run it how he likes.

Oh yes, and I've seen loads of aspie women post their photos on here fishing for compliments, so it's hypocritical to be castigating another aspie woman for promoting herself/her views. This is more about women always competing with each other in a 'What's she got that I haven't?' type way.

Let's face it, you just wanted to join the clique!

Not even wanting to join the clique in the first place is a far better frame of mind to be in

Which is not to say we have it soo much harder, either. It is actually very difficult to have a debate on wether what gender has it easier than the other. For being a spectrum there are different degrees of proficiency as well as disadvantages. However it must be noted that males and females do tend to have different degrees in which the disorder is expressed. The criteria for an asd male and female should be differentiated, if anything else due to genetic and hormonal differences.

Generally speaking, women do have it harder than men, and it is actually not all that difficult to have a debate except that people are likely to let their emotional beliefs take precedence over facts and statistics. And it's not really always easy to say "this is because I am autistic" and "this is because I am a woman" because some things are due to being an autistic woman (such as the posts in this thread about comments people make due to supposedly not properly fitting into expected gender roles).

When many aspie guys make these generalizations about how women have it better because sex! relationships! they're actually engaging in sexist stereotyping but will never admit it because it would mean acknowledging that they are to some extent playing the victim.

Strictly speaking, two people with autism may not experience the same problems socially as well as symptomatically, so one person may have an easier time than the other. But all else being equal, dealing with being on the receiving end of sexism is usually worse than not having to deal with being on the receiving end of sexism, whatever one's neurology.

I am not saying that women have it worse than men due to being autistic, but that women have to also deal with other factors that may sometimes be difficult and sometimes be easy to distinguish from the problems due to being autistic, and that these factors are largely ignored in these discussions.

One rather glaring example is that developmentally disabled people are significantly more likely to be sexually abused, but that developmentally disabled women are more likely to be sexually abused than developmentally disabled men.

Another is that it is harder for autistic women to be diagnosed as autistic than it is for autistic men to be diagnosed as autistic. Women are more likely to be misdiagnosed with other disorders instead.

Anyway, this also doesn't mean that every autistic man has it better than every autistic woman because other factors come into play as well, such as social class, wealth, race, sexuality, supportive family, supports in childhood, and so on. Someone who seems more severe as a child may have better outcomes compared to someone who seems more mild as a child because the former had significant supports and the latter mainly crashed and burned due to not being able to meet expectations and being blamed for such, and these are not always fully dependent on gender.