Males:Were you ever threatened with rape/harassment charges?

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Males only: Were you ever threatened with or investigated by the police for rape/sexual harassment/molestation (and similar) charges made by a woman you approached?
autistic, yes, over 35 years old 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
autistic, no, over 35 years old 5%  5%  [ 2 ]
autistic, yes, between 18-30 years old 13%  13%  [ 5 ]
autistic, no, between 18-30 years old 36%  36%  [ 14 ]
non-autistic, yes 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
non-autistic, no 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
female, yes 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
female, no 26%  26%  [ 10 ]
just want to see results 15%  15%  [ 6 ]
Total votes : 39

Verdandi
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09 Jan 2013, 8:00 pm

C0MPAQ wrote:
'No' does in fact not mean 'no', it entirely depends on the context. If you observe, especially during your early teens, how males approach females and how they react, you will very likely conclude that it is part of the normal courtship ritual to 'convince' the female, and that she says 'no' to quite a few things until she finally agrees. If you don't see that, in lack of social skills/comprehension for example, you will just simply see the facts, which are that 'no' doesn't always mean 'no', especially if approaching women.


No does in fact mean no and only yes means yes. Pushing a woman until she says yes is a fairly straightforward example of harassment. The fact that it happens as frequently as it does is indicative of how women's right to self-determination and control over their own bodies is largely dismissed as irrelevant in the face of men's demands of such women. It's part of the basis for sexism.

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If you still think 'no' means 'no', no matter what, or if you cannot think of other social examples (arguments, father vs. mother, mother vs. child, child vs. dog, etc.) then your opinion is simply biased and so limited there is no point in arguing. Probably some people here will still be so biased, they can't even read this text not to mention think for themselves.


Insulting everyone who disagrees with you is certainly not the route to a convincing argument. It is, however, a commonly accepted technique when "preaching to the choir."

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Btw Rascal77s, I respect your effort, but I pretty much believe it will be left ignored by the overwhelming majority. If people were to approach the issue with an open mind in the first place, they wouldn't even have their opinions to present here.


I do not believe that "an open mind" means what you think it means. It means, among other things, taking in more sources of information than those that confirm one's bias. I don't believe you or Rascal77s are doing so.



C0MPAQ
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09 Jan 2013, 8:06 pm

Congratulations for expressing the highest amount of ignorance possible.

For once in my life, I am deeply offended and not coming back for a while.


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Verdandi
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09 Jan 2013, 8:11 pm

C0MPAQ wrote:
Congratulations for expressing the highest amount of ignorance possible.


Factual information is factual. If you can't cope with facts, that is not my fault.

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For once in my life, I am deeply offended and not coming back for a while.


Is that a promise?



XFilesGeek
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09 Jan 2013, 8:41 pm

Quote:
No does in fact mean no and only yes means yes. Pushing a woman until she says yes is a fairly straightforward example of harassment. The fact that it happens as frequently as it does is indicative of how women's right to self-determination and control over their own bodies is largely dismissed as irrelevant in the face of men's demands of such women. It's part of the basis for sexism.


I've never understood this.

Some men seem to think pestering and nagging women is a legitimate way to land a date, but then they get mad if they are called "creepy," or are accused of stalking.

You can't have it both ways. Pestering and nagging women in search of sex is a creepy, stalker-ish thing to do,


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09 Jan 2013, 8:50 pm

(in response to the poll question) Never.



Verdandi
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09 Jan 2013, 9:06 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
Quote:
No does in fact mean no and only yes means yes. Pushing a woman until she says yes is a fairly straightforward example of harassment. The fact that it happens as frequently as it does is indicative of how women's right to self-determination and control over their own bodies is largely dismissed as irrelevant in the face of men's demands of such women. It's part of the basis for sexism.


I've never understood this.

Some men seem to think pestering and nagging women is a legitimate way to land a date, but then they get mad if they are called "creepy," or are accused of stalking.

You can't have it both ways. Pestering and nagging women in search of sex is a creepy, stalker-ish thing to do,


Does this mean you are joining me in the "highest amount of ignorance possible?" ;)



jk1
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09 Jan 2013, 9:15 pm

C0MPAQ, I'm with you. Some posts in this thread reflect the typical prejudice that I seem to face in real life. This really frightens me.



Verdandi
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09 Jan 2013, 9:18 pm

Do you mean the prejudice against men demanding that women give up their time and bodies to them out of a misguided sense of entitlement?



jk1
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09 Jan 2013, 9:27 pm

That's what I mean.



salem44dream
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09 Jan 2013, 9:27 pm

I've only read the first and last posts of this thread, so excuse me if I say this out of context. I couldn't take the poll, because as a gay man with Asperger's I've been sexually assaulted twice. The second time I had to get a restraining order. I've never "pursued" anyone, because I've always stopped the moment I thought I might be rejected (which was always too soon).

I can't imagine being on the other side, in the aggressive, stalking mode ... I don't think that's an Asperger's thing. WE are more likely to be taken advantage of, not the other way around.



ruckus
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09 Jan 2013, 10:34 pm

C0MPAQ wrote:
'No' does in fact not mean 'no', it entirely depends on the context. If you observe, especially during your early teens, how males approach females and how they react, you will very likely conclude that it is part of the normal courtship ritual to 'convince' the female, and that she says 'no' to quite a few things until she finally agrees. If you don't see that, in lack of social skills/comprehension for example, you will just simply see the facts, which are that 'no' doesn't always mean 'no', especially if approaching women.

This is really scary dude.



Tyri0n
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09 Jan 2013, 10:53 pm

C0MPAQ wrote:
'No' does in fact not mean 'no', it entirely depends on the context. If you observe, especially during your early teens, how males approach females and how they react, you will very likely conclude that it is part of the normal courtship ritual to 'convince' the female, and that she says 'no' to quite a few things until she finally agrees.


Looks like you're asking for a jail sentence. No always means no. Even if what you said were true (it's not), then it's probably a good idea to recognize your limitations as an autistic and avoid these particular women in order to protect yourself.



Tyri0n
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09 Jan 2013, 10:56 pm

salem44dream wrote:
I've only read the first and last posts of this thread, so excuse me if I say this out of context. I couldn't take the poll, because as a gay man with Asperger's I've been sexually assaulted twice. The second time I had to get a restraining order. I've never "pursued" anyone, because I've always stopped the moment I thought I might be rejected (which was always too soon).

I can't imagine being on the other side, in the aggressive, stalking mode ... I don't think that's an Asperger's thing. WE are more likely to be taken advantage of, not the other way around.


+1. I am a straight male, and I agree with all of this 100%. I also once pressed charges for male-on-male sexual harassment, like you. There should have been an option in the poll for victims.



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09 Jan 2013, 11:00 pm

jk1 wrote:
Hello.

There are many things that I want to say here. But I will try not to be too lengthy. I am a male myself.

Firstly, I agree with Rascal77s and see his points. I feel so sorry about his horrible experiences with nasty women. It's frustrating that some don't get his points.

I think people tend to love to think that "men are oppressors and women are victims" and some women do take advantage of that. People tend to assume many men are sexual predators. That's one of the reasons why men tend not to pursue a career that involve being around children, though this is in a little different context. If a man is around potential sexual crime victims, he has to be very careful even if he has no intention of doing anything sexual.

I have never been threaten with any sexual harrassment accusation, but I do have some unpleasant experiences. For example, when I simply tried to help (not anything involving physical contact) a classmate who happened to be a woman, she went around and said to other people that I was making unwelcome sexual advances. I was shocked to hear it because such an idea never even crossed my mind. I didn't even see her as a woman. Just a person who needed help. I am always very careful about personal space and never go too close to people. I realized that she was seeing me as a desperate man and was interpreting me unkindly (and she wanted to be seen as a sexually desirable woman). Though it's sad, I tend to hesitate to help women nowadays because I tend to be easily misinterpreted. I also know other men's examples.

I realize when a man is not liked, a woman could easily interpret him unkindly. Having AS makes one a not very popular person, and makes him/her behave in a way that can easily be misinterpreted. So, I think it is a reasonable assumption to think that being on the spectrum makes a man more prone to false accusations. And I think that's what happened to me on those occasions.

It's way too long now. So I stop here.


Very well said.



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09 Jan 2013, 11:33 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Rascal77s wrote:
The discussion is not about rape or sexual harassment. The thread is about people with a ASD being accused of it whether the allegations are true or false. The conversation went to 'men are pigs' very quickly. When people believe that making someone uncomfortable constitutes harassment there is a problem.


Please point to where anyone said that men are pigs. I certainly did not say it. I did not even try to imply it. I said that some men profit from the assumption that most such accusations are false by capitalizing on that assumption to dismiss valid accusations brought against them.

And yes, often, making someone uncomfortable and refusing to stop when one is informed that one is making someone uncomfortable is harassment.

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I don't understand this thinking where people believe that taking false accusations seriously somehow diminishes the seriousness of real crimes. If 10% of the accusations are false that is thousands of people who's lives are destroyed or at the least turned upside down for years. Why not just admit that both are a problem instead of trying to downplay one to highlight the other?


I have never heard of anyone's life being destroyed by a false accusation of rape or sexual harassment. I have heard of men who were legitimately convicted of rape and sent to prison for it claim they were falsely accused and imprisoned, but anyone who understands how rape cases are treated by police and in the courts would see that such a claim that imprisonment stems from false accusation is highly unlikely.

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I don't think victims of false allegations deserve any less consideration than victims of the real offenses, even if they are a minority. Crime is crime and either way someone has lost their freedom. We also live in a culture where the mere accusation of a sex crime follows someone for years even when they are exonerated.


This is BS.

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At least read up about actual false accusations before downplaying the seriousness of it.


I believe I have read far more on the topic than many. What I have seen is that false accusations rarely go to court, and even more rarely result in any kind of convinction. In fact, a significant number of true accusations get dropped for various reasons, many of them questionable. Those that do go to court tend to become a commentary on the woman's virtue and worthiness, implying that if she has "questionable morals" that in some way she either deserved such treatment or brought it upon herself.

Most of what I have seen about false accusations is "men's rights activists" propaganda about the topic and not in any way reflective of real world situations.


You and I are so out of synch on this I really wonder whether I should reply. All I asked was that people acknowledge that there are cases of men being falsely accused of these things. For some reason people can't see both sides and it became a some man vs. woman crap. If you've done the research you know it happens more than 2% of cases as is often claimed.

As I've said I've had two encounters of my own with shady women and if it were not for witnesses I would have had felonies on my record. But if you want to give all women a pass because falsely accused men are the minority fine by me. I've run out of interest in this thread. Enjoy.



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10 Jan 2013, 1:22 am

ruckus wrote:
C0MPAQ wrote:
'No' does in fact not mean 'no', it entirely depends on the context. If you observe, especially during your early teens, how males approach females and how they react, you will very likely conclude that it is part of the normal courtship ritual to 'convince' the female, and that she says 'no' to quite a few things until she finally agrees. If you don't see that, in lack of social skills/comprehension for example, you will just simply see the facts, which are that 'no' doesn't always mean 'no', especially if approaching women.

This is really scary dude.[/quote]

Ok, this guy just made all my points better than I could have. He belongs in the slammer for life. It's no wonder aspies get nailed for sexual harassment if they think like this. Add an inability to interpret this "context," and you've got a recipe for trouble. Like I said, most everyone who gets these charges deserves them.

Many of the so-called false accusations cited by men's rights groups involve cases where the woman said no, but the man was convinced she acted ambiguously, based on similar thinking to Compaq's felonious perviness.